This is cool...


...You know how guys wil bring you nice little gifts for no reason at all? All men have developed their own little patterns of gift giving over the years based on what worked well for them in the past. One guy might bring a woman candy, another would bring jewelry and still another guy might just buy a woman something she wants like a dress. Rick would even do his part, he'd bring me 11 roses and take the twelve to his girlfriend. (At least I got more than she did.) Different guys each have their own little version of the "thoughtful things" that they do for no particular reason.

And some guys are really handy around the house. The problem is that nowadays, most men are specialized as to what they can do. Rick could fix TV's, stereos and appliances that weren't too messed up. But he was no good at yardwork. He could do general work on cars because he was always trying to keep some hooptie on the road as cheaply as possible. Some guys can do yardwork and others are good at carpentry jobs. Every once in a while you come across a general contractor who can do it all but those are rare. But for the most part, most men are good for one thing or another around the house. And some are good not because of experience, but because of two other things that are good to find in any man...brains and motivation. That type of guy may not have a lot of practical experience, but given the time and the proper motivation, he will figure it out sooner or later.

Most decent guys are good for both things, nice little gifts and getting stuff done around the house. Well, I've just figured something out that I never would have figured out if I stayed with Rick. Guys who have more than a few bucks will do a much better job at both of those things. The little gifts they give you are much nicer (although I admit, the VERY nicest things can be free) and if they can't easily fix something around your house for you, they can always just send someone over who can.

Well, I just got something done by a very nice guy who was just doing a nice little thing for me but I'm really blown away because I'm used to Rick's cheap ass. I told him that my dryer broke and asked if he knew how to replace a heating element and he said, "Yes. I do."

He asked when I wanted to have it done and I said as soon as possible. So, he said that he would call me back in a few minutes and when he did, he asked me if Friday would be OK. Of course I told him, "Fine, whatever's good for you!"

Then he said, "OK, Sears will be delivering you a new dryer sometime Friday and they'll take the old one away."

I said, "I never meant for you to do that, all it needs is an element!" He responded, "Well, you asked if I knew how to fix one and that's the only way I know to do it."

That'll do.

Gosh I love men. I'm gonna have to get me some more of them.

Well, I'm going to go wash dishes. Maybe I can work on someone for a dishwasher! LOL, nope, I feel no need to wash the dishes after I already washed them once. I don't mind washing them too bad as long as there aren't a mountain of them. That's why I like to keep on top of them. The problem is that they never stop coming. Oh well, we all have our crosses to bear.

See ya!

Meg

Dear Meg,

"...I liked what you did with the ex. I wish I thought about doing that to my own cheater...he's here so maybe I can still have my chance..."

Yeah, I was proud of that. Some people might think that it was mean but hey, I'm no Lorena Bobbitt. And, what I did was less dangerous than what he was exposing us both to. AND I was pregnant. Whatever. That's not the only thing that I ever did. I got that particular hubby quite a few times. He was an easy mark.

One of my favorites was when we had moved back to Chicago and I had small kids and one on the way (with a different baby than the one during the Ben-Gay incidence). He would go out almost every single night for a long time and leave me alone with the kids. Now, when you leave a young wife home alone with the kids for long enough, she'll get deviously creative on you.

I had the time and the hankerin' to catch him good. Every night after dinner, he would leave and I never knew where he went. One night I came up with a plan.

There was a Greek Diner down at the corner near our apartment. When Mark started showing signs of getting all perty'd up, I said, "You know, it hurts too much to watch you go out night after night. I'm going to go down to the diner and have a cup of coffee and something to eat while you get ready to leave. I'll wait a while and then I'll come back up after you're gone. It'll hurt less that way."

He didn't care, he just wanted a quick escape so he gave me a few bucks and continued getting ready. What he didn't know was that I never planned to go to the diner.

I went down to the car, took the lightbulb out of the dome light, curled myself up in a ball on the back seat floor board with a spare key to the car in my pants pocket and waited for him to come drive away.

I took the lightbulb out to lessen the chance of him seeing me and I banked on him being in such a hurry that he wouldn't bother with that minor problem...and I was right, he didn't.

He drove for a little while, passing gas loudly as he drove down the street. I almost gagged back there. It was brutal. Anyway, after a while, the car came to a stop. Mark parked the car and walked up to a house that I had never seen before.

He got out of the car and ever the gentleman, Mark walked to the front door to meet some young woman's parents. As the four of them stood on the front porch making introductions and shaking hands, I climbed into the front seat, started the car, and drove away.

For a while, he ran after me shouting, "Hey! That's MY car! Bring back my car...", until he saw me driving. Then, he just stopped in the middle of the street and turned around and walked back to his stunned date and her befuddled parents. I truly enjoyed that little escapade. It was quite the caper, I must say.

There's not too much that a man can say to avoid trouble after a situation like that. He usually came up with some huge line of BS. But what I found interesting was the fact that after a couple of years of nightly arguments like that one, it stopped bothering me. And, I stopped arguing with him.

Then, when I stopped getting angry with him, the fool got mad at me for "not caring" that he was cheating. How's that for insane? I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. Isn't that the way it always is?

Men...whatcha gonna do? I know that there are some good ones out there and I seem to have two of them right now. I'm not going to feel guilty as long as we keep it all "adult"...whatever that means. No lies and no one gets hurt. I like those rules. No asking stupid questions, just enjoy the time that we have together. I need that type of relationship right now and to tell you the truth, I want it as much as I need it. So, I'm gonna enjoy the fact that I have two guys who understand and can handle it. It's not that I have anything against 3, it's just that I haven't found the third guy yet.

One guy's not bad and at times...one would look damned good and be pretty tough to find. But after the long drought that I've been through lately, I'm gonna do some making up for lost time.

OK, not tonight. Tonight I'm here alone. And once again, I've stayed up a bit late so I'm going to go to bed now.

I'll see you in the morning!

Meg

My most recent email...

...from Nigeria:

I wish to inform you that you have only today to pay for the account validation fee and after we shall be waiting to receive you in our office. We shall be pleased to welcome you. However, you shall feed us with your flight details.

And, my most recent reply to them:

Hi!
I'm so very glad that you will be meeting me at the airport! I didn't know how I was going to get to the hotel. I'll be flying in on Sunday, June 2nd at 6:30 PM. That's Flight 75. I'm staying at the Sheraton on Mobolaji Bank Anthony right outside of Lagos. Oh! I'll be flying IN to Lagos, by the way.
As I stated earlier, I have been planning to leave the country after a variety of legal snafu's and your email came just in time. I'm really looking forward to seeing Nigeria and Lagos itself. I'll probably call you before I land in Lagos but just in case, I'll be wearing blue jeans and a straw hat. I don't have a straw hat, but it was the first thing that came to mind so I'll go out and buy one! I do have blue jeans.
OK then, I'll be in touch and I hope that you'll be able to help me spend some of that $10 million!
See ya soon,
Sting

By the way, Dr. Bright never wrote back to Sarah, I guess that you have to be on some type of mailing list and Dr. Bright is far too smart to waste his time on Sarah. I like the fact that they made him a doctor, we all trust doctors, don't we?

Well, obviously, I have far too much spare time on my hands. I think I'll go try to find something productive to do. I have a date tomorrow, but that does me no good right now.

I'll go find a James Bond movie or something like that to make it feel like there IS a man around. And then, before you know it, there WILL be a man here!

See ya,

Meg

Today has begun...

...rather slowly. I have suffered another major malfunction of one of my domestic contrivances and I'm rather annoyed. My dryer, although it will dry stuff if you leave it running long enough, has decided not to get the least bit warm anymore. Now I don't know what to do. It's taking me one entire day to dry the laundry that I already had washed when I realized that it was broken.

The only thing that I've washed since the dryer broke down is the sheets off of my bed. I had to change them. Since I've been entertaining in the bedroom, I have to change the bedding a whole lot more often. I never used to sleep in the room but I've started doing that again even when there's not a man next to me. I like it in there and the guy fixed my television so that I can get all of the cable channels in there so I don't mind watching TV in my bed now. So, between the occasional romp in the hay and me just hanging out in the bedroom, I have to change the sheets more. It's a queen size bed so when I have to change the thing, I have at least two more loads of laundry to do and I have to dry all of that without heat.

I wish that I had a clothesline. That'd be cool. But there are a couple of problems with that...I have so many trees out back that I would get a bit of bird "residue" and it's so humid here that I would wonder how long it would take to dry everything. I live in a pretty wooded area and I don't see anyone else using a clothesline. I don't know if they have those problems or if they just like their dryers. It's possible that there are no more people who hang their clothes out to dry. That would be too bad because I love the way the sheets smell after they've air dried.

My back is hurting quite a bit so I just put some Icy Hot on it and the smell reminded me of Ben-Gay. That reminded me of one time that my other ex was cheating on me. He came home from wherever he'd been at about 4 AM and I was in bed waiting for him with a smile on my face.

When a man comes home after commiting some atrocious breach of the marital contract, he will do anything to avoid an argument. At least this one would have. So, when I initiated a bit of sex as soon as he crawled into bed, he didn't argue with me. He went for it like I knew that he would.

When a man stays out screwing some bimbo and comes strolling in the bedroom at 4 AM only to find a loving young wife waiting for him with a smile on her face, a smart man would see the red flags. But, this was one of my husbands and as I've alluded to in the past, I didn't marry anyone with a triple digit IQ. So, this nimrod never knew what I had in my hand and judging from his reaction, I don't think he figured it out for quite some time. But then again, he wasn't thinking about much, he was just trying to shower all of the Ben-Gay off of his "business".

When I first placed my hand with the nice warm mystery lotion onto Mr. Happy, there was a smile on his face that made it quite clear that he had no clue what was coming next or even that there WAS something coming next.

Well, there was. There was a VERY warm sensation on it's way and it struck slowly and got progressively worse. Sort of like the look on his face that went from a smile to a look of confusion to one of shock and pain to one of concern for the future.

The look on his face seemed to say, "What the hell is happening and when will it go away?"

Then, he quickly assessed his options and ran straight for the shower. I think the soap and water worked after about 10 full minutes. It was about then that it occurred to him that I might have had something to do with what had just happened.

That was so fun. I wish that it had happened after I had a Camcorder but it happened in 1979 so I couldn't have taped that but trust me, it was priceless. And, I was only 21...pretty good, 'ey?

Well, I have to go and untie my shirt. I tied it up almost around my neck so that the cream had a while to work before my shirt rubbed it off. My boobs are hanging out below my shirt and you never know when those Jehovah's Witnesses might come by. I'll be back later.

See ya!

Meg

I just finished cleaning...

...my spice cabinet out. I finally threw away some spices that I've had since the last millennium. They're so expensive and old spices are better than none at all so I've kept them. But I guess after about ten years, it's time to toss stuff out. It doesn't help matters that I only use one teaspoonful of allspice in a year so the bottles last for 68 years each.

I've really been throwing a lot of things away lately and finding that easier and easier to do over the last year. I've had to throw away things that I never thought I would have thrown out.

I've saved the dumbest stuff, like the twisty tie things from plastic bags, every salt and pepper set that I've ever stolen from a restaurant and a drawer full of condiments that have also come from restaurants. I always ask for a bunch of them so I have a drawer full. You name it, I have it. From Chik-Fil-A honey mustard to White Castle Duseldorf mustard, I have it all. I clean out a closet or cabinet here or there and each time, I toss out more stuff than I did the time before. I just get bored and I hate to see all the old junk in the places that I need emptied so I can use them for new junk.

I have cabinets in the kitchen that are higher than the cabinets that I use everyday because I can't reach them without standing up on the counter, which is what I do when I need to get up there. I need to put a garbage can next to the counter, climb up on there, and throw all of that junk away. I have odd cups, mugs and tumblers from every set that I've had over the past ten years. I don't know why I've kept it all, who would ever need two hundred mismatched glasses? If you do, by the way, let me know.

They're yours. I'm just looking forward to the extra storage space.

I'm still afraid to go up into my attic. I've asked my son to go up there and get my sewing machine down but he keeps on not doing it. I'm afraid to go up there because, as I've mentioned, there's something living up there. And, all I know about it is that it has teeth because I've seen the things that he's chewed up. So, some creature with teeth is up in my attic and I don't want to meet it. It's seems to be nocturnal and when you're lying in bed trying to think of what the thing making noises above you might be, you don't want to think of nocturnal animals. Bats and rodents come to mind and I get all freaked out.

I live such a boring life, for the most part. I have no one to talk to most of the time so I just keep myself busy doing stupid stuff like cleaning out closets and making pot holders. That reminds me, I have to get some more loops so that I can make more pot holders. I like to make patterns on them. I can do a lot of plaids and stripes. It's pretty fun, actually. Well, not so much fun as it is easy and you can use the pot holders for a very long time. You'd lose them before they wore out. I'm going to look to see if I can find individual colors so I can make them more to match my kitchen. I can usually do that with a couple of them but then I end up with a bunch of colors that match nothing in my kitchen. But, I weave those stupid pot holders anyway. I have a bunch of them in my kitchen. Far more than a normal person would need.

Well, it's bedtime and I'm wide awake. I think that I could stay wide awake for as long as I stayed up typing so I'm going to go and get all horizontal in my room and listen to the television. See you in the morning!

Meg

Today I was thinking...

...about a bunny rabbit that we had when I was a kid. Looking back, I can't imagine why my father would have allowed us to obtain a rabbit in the first place. He wasn't exactly what you would call an animal philanthropist. But somehow, we did have a rabbit. I'm sure that my mother had something to do with that. She was omni-philanthropic and probably had something to do with the "I'd like to Teach the World to Sing" Coke commercial.

We must not have had it for very long because for the most part, all I can recall of the rabbit was it's death. It burrowed a little summer cabin under the side porch. The porch itself was a 3X3 foot square piece of concrete that was no deeper than the dirt so it was easily burrowed under. Our yard was fenced in and the rabbit never left the yard...that's another thing I remember about it. Anyway, it liked to hang out under the porch.

One year there was a pretty heavy thunderstorm and somehow, the rabbit drowned under the porch. I don't remember actually SEEING it happen, but that's what I was told. Of course, my mother told me she was taking our collie to a beauty parlor appointment for dogs only the dog never came back. I don't know what happened to that dog.

A lot of creatures came into our house but I don't remember how they left. I was thinking about the chameleons that we bought at the Illinois State Fair. They were 4 for a $1.00 and they had a piece of string tied carefully around it's neck and the other end of the string was attached to a safety pin. I would pin those lizards to my chest every year and walk proudly around the fair. Except for one lizard that died tragically when my father accidentally stepped on it (at least he SAID that it was an accident), I don't remember what ever became of those chameleons.

I remember obtaining a bunch of animals, but I don't know what happened to 99% of them. I remember catching minnows and tadpoles in a pond near our house but I don't know what the heck I did with them. I know that one bucketful was thrown all over the living room because I hung it on the door knob and my father threw the door open from the other side, sending tadpoles, minnows and an occasional crayfish all over my mother's living room carpet and furniture. No one was happy with me that day. But at least I know what happened to those, I don't know where the rest of my childhood animals went.

Chameleons, hamsters, guinea pigs and tadpoles...I don't know where any of them ended up after I obtained them. There must have been an official releaser of the animals and I would wager all of my children that it was my father.

My mother wouldn't be able to hurt, in any way, any animal. She would let her house get messed up, she didn't care. As long as all of God's creatures were happy, she was too. She had a saying, "Crickets are our friends." that she made us all repeat when we were afraid of the chirping that we heard, especially if it was coming from INSIDE the house. Once, in the middle of the night, I woke up to go to the bathroom and there was a mouse swimming along the perimeter of the water in the toilet bowl, trying to get out. I woke my mother up saying, "Mom, there's a mouse in the toilet!"

She answered sleepily, "I know. I didn't have the heart to flush it down."

So, rather than letting it die a mercifully quick death, she left it in there to be terrorized as it fought to the end for it's little life. I went and got a milk bottle (back in the day when milk containers were glass) and fished the thing out of the toilet. I adopted it as a pet and I'm sure that I gave it a name but I don't for the life of me remember what it was. It lived in the milk bottle along with a stick and some grass. Until...well, I don't know when. Like I said, I'm sure that my father had something to do with the disappearance of all of these animals. I'll have to ask him about that sometime.

OK, now my son wants me to order him Papa John's online so I have to wrap this up. Then, I have to clean a bit before I start cooking my ribs.

See ya later!

Meg

I'm back now...

...I called a friend of mine and had her come pick me up at my house and drive me to my son's girlfriend's house to pick him up. But, I made a couple of vital errors along the way.

First, I was pacing in my driveway, waiting for my ride and I ran back in the house to get something. When I did, I absent-mindedly laid the directions to where I was going and a cell phone that I had borrowed on the top of the Kia that I no lonegr drive. Then, when my ride got to my house, I jumped in her car without the directions or the phone and I didn't realize it until we were 5 miles away.

I was already running late and I was afraid that my son would get arrested for something stupid because he and his girlfriend ended up arguing and I didn't know what in the world was going on. Anyway, when I realized that I didn't have the directions, I used my friend's phone to call my son's friend. He's the one who gave me the directions in the first place. So, he gave me the directions again.

Then, we followed the directions and it looked like we had done something wrong. We kept driving a bit more when I noticed a house with a car in the driveway that had a broken windshield. My son mentioned something about a broken windshield incident when I was speaking to him. On the off chance that the car I saw was the same car that he was talking about, I knocked on the door and it DID turn out to be his girlfriend's house. I had finally found the right house but in the meantime, he had found his car keys and had taken off. The girlfriend said that he had already called her from my number so I knew that he had made it to my house safely.

So, bottom line, I got my girlfriend out of bed at midnight to drive me out to the boondocks for nothing and then she had to drive me back home where I found my son sound asleep on the bed in the spare room.

Now, I'm all wound up and it's almost 2 AM. I have set my coffee pot to make a pot of coffee at 6:30 in the morning so now I'm going to go to bed and wait for the coffee to perk. I think that I'll swallow a xanax before I head off to bed. This has been a very stressful couple of hours and when I get up in the morning, I will have a few choice words for my kid.

See you all after I wake up!

Meg

Well...

...it's been a long 24 hours. Two men and a bunch of popsickles later and I'm almost ready for bed. I wish I had thought about the two men thing sooner. I have two men buying me popsickles.

I happened to mention to both of them that I was eating lime popsickles at one time or another so they both buy me some when they come over. I'm beginning to build up quite a stash of them.

I've been watching Band of Brothers. That's a pretty good show. My father was in the 101rst so I called him to let him know that it was on. I got stuck speaking to his third wife from who he is now divorced but she has Alzheimer's so she is living with him and he's taking care of her. Every time I call and speak to her, we have the exact same conversation over again. I was telling her about the check I sent to her as repayment for a loan she gave me and she had totally forgotten about the loan. I felt pretty silly. I should have waited for her to call me before I sent her the money.

I got some ribs to bar-b-que tomorrow so I'm going to start marinating them now. They should be good by tomorrow. I LOVE ribs made well. I hope that I can make them well with the grill. Usually I'll cook them for hours in the oven but I can't do that with the oven stuck on broil.

OMG! My son just called and said that someone robbed his car keys from him but from the way he sounded, I think that someone TOOK them from him and I have to go get him ASAP. There's one small problem, I can't drive. So, I've called a friend and I'm getting a ride to Woodstock, a town about 2 or 3 towns over. I'm waiting for my friend to get here...now I have to change out of my jammies and put some clothes back on. I'll be back later.

Meg

Here is my most recent letter...

...to the Nigerians:


Dr. Bright,
Hi. My name is Sarah and I'm a single mother on welfare for my 6 children. I heard that you are giving 10 million dollars to my sister. I was wondering if you could get a hold of some money for me as well. I could use a new trailer and some Pampers.
I don't need the full 10 million, 3 or 4 million should get me through. I could really put that money to good use. Of course, 10% of it would go to my church because as a good Mormon, I think that it's my duty to tithe.
Well then, I should go now because I'm pregnant with my 7th child and my ankles are swollen. I should elevate them for a while.
Please consider me as you are giving out all of that money. I keep buying lottery tickets but I never win anything.
Thanks,
Sarah

I'll let you know if they write back to Sarah.

Meg

Hey...

...someone sent me a link in response to the little game that I was playing with the Nigerians. I had never heard of it but it's kind of interesting to check out:

http://www.419eater.com/index.htm

It seems that I was inherently doing the same thing that these folks do. I'm gonna keep on playing with them. I'm going to write to them again, only this time I'll be using a different screen name. I'll be right back after I finish.

Meg

I had a discussion...

...today about commitments, in general, nothing specific. I thought about whether or not I felt any commitments to anyone and when I did, it occurred to me that I still feel married. I feel a slight commitment, not to Rick, but to the marriage. Isn't that odd?

I guess it's just a leftover of feeling that way for so long. It doesn't affect my behavior at all, I don't refrain from doing anything because of that feeling of commitment so it's OK. Well, maybe it affects my actions in one way or another but who the hell knows.

My computer had another hissy fit the other day. I have decided that the computer is most definitely possessed. It does things that have absolutely no logical rationale and then, the dumbest things in the world make it work. When something has no basis in reality and behaves so unpredictably, it isn't a computer in need of repair or replacing...it's a personality. And my computer has the touchiest personality that I have ever seen. You wouldn't believe all the things that it demands of me.

First of all, I have to turn it off by pulling the plug out of the wall. It won't work if I turn it off at the computer, the power strip or by doing it the way I'm supposed to do it, or even hitting control+alt+delete. The only way the computer will start up again is if I pull the plug to the power supply. Tell me, how does this thing know from where I'm turning it off?

Then, it makes me wait after it reboots before I can access any programs. Once I get to the desk top, I have to wait at least 7 minutes before clicking on any icons. How in the world does it know if I try to cheat and only wait 4 minutes?

I don't know, but it does. If I don't wait the full 7minutes, preferably longer, I'll immediately be given the blue screen of death. Isn't that odd and don't you think that these are all signs of possession?

It's OK, because I've learned the bitch well but I would hate to break a new one in. That's what I thought about breaking in a new man after Rick. I hated the thought of starting over again. I would have to train a guy in so many ways, sexually, reaction to crying/silent treatments/outing and particiaption in the performance of things on any given honey-do list...to name a few. It takes years to do that and sometimes, a helluva lot of work and patience. I guess the word is diligence. It takes diligence to fine tune a guy the way you want him.

It can take years finding the right blob in the first place. Most blobs aren't worth the time and effort because either their mother or some other female has fucked them up so badly that they've sort of been stuffed in a kiln, baked and they're all hardened. They can be so much work and too many things can go wrong so you have to get a blob that hasn't had too much done to it. Rick seemed like the perfect blob. There was nothing there in the first place. I didn't realize how resistant to change that a blank blob could be. He pretty much left as the same blob that I met in 1983.

Usually there's quite a bit of work involved as soon as you find the proper blob of clay. First, you have to hack off the stupid crap that other women did to it and start fresh. Some blobs make it a bit hard to hack the other women parts off, but with due diligence, it can be done.

The toughest part is the sexual crap. I liked having one trained so well. We had that down to a dance about the length of an AM station song. Now, the ending is always too long like the ending to Hey Jude. Oh well. We'll just have to work on this. I don't mind. If I have to do it, I have to do it. By the way, it's not that I prefer a quickie, it's just it's better than nothing and nothing was the option with Rick. I remember one particular quickie in 1991. As I crawled into bed I glanced at the clock and it was 11:00 PM. Rick proceeded to get friskie, take care of me and then himself (in that order) and rolled over...all by 11:08 PM. I was stunned. I had a LOT of work to do but that was as far as I could get with him in that arena.

Most women want to begin work on a man as soon as possible so there has to be a good amount of pliable clay ready on short demand. Each man is different so you always have to look in different places when you are trying to find a particular guy's pliability supply. Most men are pretty well equipped with a lot of that stuff. I think nature sees to it so that we women have hope that we could customize a guy to our own style and personal preferences.

We have to see a man worth remodeling in the first place, even if he isn't really worth the time and effort. There might be a much better man right around the corner and if we weren't so preoccupied with putting too much effort into a stupid blob, we would see the better man easily. So, nature has to make us stupid, to some degree. If we didn't see things a bit irrationally, we would never stay with a guy for any length of time.

We have to customize things a bit to feel comfortable with a man and once we do, we would rather continue "throwing good money after bad" than we would do the smart thing and trade up. We're more comfortable with the clay we have and over the years we have learned exactly how to manipulate it. Once we get a bunch of work in on any given guy, we like to sit around and play with the one that we fixed, over and over again.

There's usually a lot of work to be done and if you haven't done a WHOLE LOT of work on a guy by the time he begins farting around you, you've waited far too long. You better get to get to work quickly, double time.

I don't know where this is going anymore than I know where the other one is going but I know one thing for sure...I'm going to start hacking off the stuff the other chicks did as soon as is possible so that if need be, the man will be ready for firing.

Gotta go start work on one or the other...

See ya.

Meg

Hi again,

I had a lovely time last night except for the surprise that was waiting for me when I got home. Another guy. That was a bit awkward, I must say.

I wanted to run swiftly away but that wasn't an option as it was my house. Luckily, they were both very decent about it but I had some pretty fancy explaining to do after my date left. I told the guy the truth, not that I could have lied about what happened if I wanted to, I was pretty much busted. But it turned out OK, I told him that I never said that we were exclusive although he is the only guy that I'm sleeping with. So, we slept together again. I guess that's the thing to do when you're caught with another dude.

Now, I'm waiting for the other guy to call so I can see what's going on there. This is fun, really it is.

I have a plan for situations like this, I just tell everyone the truth and see who's left when I'm done. That way, no one gets hurt, at least it's not my fault if they do. As long as I tell the truth, I pretty much think I'm good to go. If anyone doesn't like what I say, they can leave and then I'm left here to do what I want and I'm surrounded by people who don't mind what I'm doing. I like that.

Rick would have done well to learn that lesson but that's like trying to teach a cat to manicure it's own claws. If he can't lie, he can't have a relationship. He'd have to leave every woman that he was with when he screwed another woman and so he'd be hopping from one woman to the next...wait a minute...that's what he's doing now! Damn.

Anyway, I had a great time last night...before I came home. We went out to eat and then we went bowling. As usual, I bowled one good game and two sucky games. Just enough to make a guy think that I CAN bowl, but I'm letting them win. After I bowl a 200 game, they always think I'm blowing the next game when I bowl 130 or some such sucky score. I'm not, I really, really try to win. I would never blow a game and I hate when guys try to let me win. They don't do that too often, but when they do, it annoys me. I blow the game myself then so they can see how stupid it is to play a game without trying. I'd rather lose 10 games in a row than win one game to a guy who let me win. I find that I play up to (or down to) my competition so I like to play any game with someone who is doing well.

I had one game that I bowled 4 strikes in a row and I hated that because it put all the pressure on me to keep throwing strikes. It was the first 4 frames so I had a perfect game going until the 5th frame when I had a 7-10 split. I never pick those up. I've probably done it a couple of times, but never enough to learn how to do it often. I did knock one of them down which is good, I hate rolling a strike ball when there are only two pins up there and neither of them gets knocked down by the ball.

I never expected the other guy to be at my house when I got home. I hate when that happens. I'm going to have to make some rules regarding the pop in visit. That can't be happening. I'd be afraid to come home at all if I thought that was an option.

I got some ribs to bar-b-que tomorrow so I hope the weather stays nice. A lot of people must be grilling outside because it's really hot out there. It's hot and I'm funky so I'm going to go and take a shower. I'll be back later this afternoon, probably after I clean the house and watch a movie. Have a nice afternoon!

Meg

Well...

...I've heard from the folks in Nigeria! They are holding my 10 million dollars and all they want from me is 500 bucks! Isn't that great? I've been wondering how I would get out of my financial bind and the answer to all my problems lies in the great nation of Nigeria! Here is the email that they sent me:

Due largely to malpractices and other banking discrepancies experienced in the bank major activities over the years, GULF BANK OF NIGERIA PLC in conjunction with the APEX BANK OF NIGERIA/CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA government henceforth advises all their clients whose fund transfer is pending for transfer must first pay the account validation fee before their payment can be released to them. This is to authenticate the genuine of the bank particulars/payment claims documents presented to the bank for vetting/payment. However, by the virtue of GULF BANK OF NIGERIA PLC foreign payment regulation and in accordance with the Nigerian banking law as amended, ACT 150, SECTION 18, SUB-SECTION 2, PARAGRAPH 15 of the enabling decree has billed you the total sum of US$500.00 as your account validation fee.

Naturally, I wrote back to them:

Hi there!
I'll be in Nigeria next month and I'll be picking up my check at the bank. Once I do that, I will be happy to give you the $500 and I may even give you $750 for your trouble! Please have my check ready on the morning of the 9th of June. I look forward to meeting you and finishing our business. I'd love to take you out to dinner if possible. Are there any restaurants in Nigeria? I hope that you guys have more than rice at your restaurants.
Is there anything that I could bring you from America? I'd be happy to pick you up some souvenirs or any little thing that your heart desires.
See you next month!
Sting

I hope that they like Americans! They must or they would try to scam me out of more of my 10 million bucks so they must be really, really decent folks. And they're even going to open a temporary bank account for me. I didn't send them an account number for them to transfer my money to so they will open a temporary account and all I have to do is deposit $500 and then...10 million bucks! Damn, I am going to be insanely rich!!!

Anyway, my dog is much better today. She doesn't seem to be in as much pain as she was in yesterday. The incision has an area that's gotten a bit red so I put some triple antibiotic ointment on it.

Tonight I'm going out with the guy that sent me the flowers. I don't know what we're doing yet, he had to go to his office for a couple of hours and he'll be calling me later to tell me how to dress for the date. In the meantime, I'm going to curl my hair. I have a curling iron but my hair's too long for it to really work well so I wish I had some electric curlers or whatever you call those things. I don't know that they'd work any better but I know that I can't just curl my hair with regular curlers because I end up looking like a poodle when I take them out of my hair.

I got an email from some female who claimed to be one of Rick's girlfriends. I almost bought it until she said that he stole money from her. Rick is a lot of things but one thing that he isn't is a thief. I've never known him to steal a thing. Oh, I take that back...when he was married to his first wife, he stole a bunch of flowers that were outside of a store. You know how they keep a bunch of flowers outside of places like nurseries or Wal-Mart? Well, one day Rick and a friend of his stole a bunch of them to take home to their wives. He was very young at the time and I'm sure he was sorry because his wife turned him in. I don't know why she would have done that but she did. I don't think she ever really liked Rick at all. She just wanted someone to pay the bills and he did that to some extent. She cheated on him something chronic...at least that's what he said. For all I know, he cheated on her and she never did a thing wrong. But, he always maintained his story that she cheated on him constantly, even getting pregnant by other men a few times. She was pregnant by another guy when they separated. He knew it wasn't his because she had cut him off for months. I'll never know the truth about that one because both of them are dreadful liars. To tell you the truth, I don't care anyway.

So, I'm sure that the email that I got was a fake. I don't know why anyone would take the time to do something like that. Of course, I don't know why anyone would take the time to make hang up calls and I get plenty of them. I know that some of them come from Rick's friend, Tish and I know that some of them come from my ex's nutty wife.

They're having a Star Trek marathon on channel G4 (whatever that is) and I've been watching them all day. The house is cleaned and I'm bored so I've just been watching Star Trek all day. I must find something better to do. I'm going to go take a shower and then I'll try to do something with my hair. After that, I'll have to find something sedate to do so I don't get all sweaty and then need another shower before tonight. I could make another pot holder. I love making those stupid things. I have a few of those looms that little girls make pot holders with and I make them every so often. They last longer than any pot holder that I've ever had. I have paid a lot of money for pot holders that didn't last for 6 months. The ones that I make seem to last forever. I still have every one that I've made and I made some of them 5 years ago. I need to get some new loops before I can make another one.

Well, this is just too fricking exciting for me so I better go shower now. I'll be back after a while.

See ya!

Meg

Hello, hello again...

...it's me, here's hoping we meet again!

Now, that dates me for sure. I remember some of the silliest songs that you could imagine, stuff that would never make the Top 40 today. All of those Ray Stevens songs, while quite amusing, weren't quite what you'd call classic rock and roll. I hate to admit it, but The Streak still cracks me up when I hear it which, of course, is quite rarely now. Any of you ever hear Down in the Boondocks? Billy Joe Royal sang that song. My grandparents had a couple of restaurants and they ran the one that they lived nearest. I would hang out there when the juke box dude would change the 45's that the thing played. (I spent my summers with my grandparents in Virginia, I was very lucky to be able to do that. Grandparents are wonderful things, as are grandchildren!)

Anyway, I hung out there waiting for the guy to come every week and by the end of my summers, I would have the coolest collection of 60's hit records that would be worth a lot of fricking money and I was only 8. I had Eight Days a Week by the Beatles. I remember Ticket to Ride was on the flip side. With the Beatles, you never knew which song was the A and which was the B...they were all hits. I had The Happening by the Supremes, Sitting by the Dock of the Bay, a lot of Beach Boys...I'll never remember all of them. I'd love to know what happened to those 45's. My mother probably cleaned my closet one day when I was at school. Of course, my sisters could have taken them, I would have if I were them. Or the brothers...who knows. Hell, I would even catch my father stealing my Neil Diamond and Carol King albums.

How did I get off on that tangent? What was I gonna say? I had a plan...seriously. Oh well, it'll come to me later.

I am doing my best not to eat pie tonight. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and ate a bunch of Key Lime Pie. I had been sick earlier and I wasn't able to eat so when I woke up, I was starving and I felt like eating so I did. I rationalized the pie by telling myself, "Well girl, you ARE underweight and you HAVEN'T had any food all day. Your blood sugar has GOT to be low so why not eat this piece and another even. So I did until half the pie was gone. I didn't realized that I had eaten half of a pie until the morning. I thought that surely my son must have eaten some but he hadn't. I had three pieces over the course of the night and in the light of day, I saw that I had eaten an entire half pie. It was REALLY good, I must say.

I can ignore the pie tonight, been there done that. But, if I had some ice cream, I'd be caving under the power of the mighty praline. That reminds me, I saw a praline pecan CAKE in the grocery store today. I had never seen such a thing. I had to take my cart and run away from the bakery and towards the produce department. I got an artichoke instead.

OH! My dog! She had her surgery today and the doctor asked me if I wanted to come and see the tumor. She said that it was the largest she had ever seen so she saved it for us. That's never something you really don't want to hear a doctor of ANY kind say..."You've GOT to see what I took out of her!!!! I HAD to save it, I've NEVER seen anything like it!!!!" I imagined that she must have saved it to show more people, it was one helluva big tumor. It was obviously all fat and encapsulated so it was just a lipoma, nothing bad. But damn, it was HUGE! Had to be the size of a soft ball at least. Maybe more the size of a rather large breast implant.

I wonder why that can't just collect a few fatty tumors and put those suckers in a woman's boobs to make them bigger...seems more natural. They said it was nothing but fat. Whatever.

Well, I suppose that I should go back to bed before I eat that pie...or at the very least, a bowl of my favorite cereal...Rice Krispies. I love that snap, crackle and pop. All righty then, I'm off to fall asleep listening to music. See you in the morning!

Meg

This is the email...

...that I received in response to my fake reply to the Nigerian con men or women:

You are advised to contact the director of foreign operations department in GULF BANK OF NIGERIA PLC for immediate remittance of the sum of US$10,200,000.00 into your bank account. The contact information is listed below. CONTACT PERSON: DR. PHILIP BRIGHTPHONE NUMBER: 234-1-7768694FAX NUMBER: 234-1-7595666EMAIL: foreignoperationsdept@gulfbanknigeria.org WEBSITE: www.gulfbanknigeria.org Please contact the person in charge of your payment and your funds will be transferred within 48 hours.

Here is my current response:

I do not want to make any phone calls from my work phone so could you please call me at 404-679-9000, I would be so appreciative. Just ask for Sting Yu. As I stated in my earlier email, I will be leaving the country soon. I will head for Nigeria first and if need be, I'll pick my check up at the bank. I have printed out the email and will bring it to the bank in Nigeria if you can't call me. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
Sting

Morons.

OK then...last night at the alcoholic class, the guy who leads the thing said something that I thought was very good. He quoted someone and I've forgotten most of the quote but the part that I liked was, "Wisdom is the acceptance of the truth....not a collection of knowledge." That's quite true. No one can be wise at all if they can't see things for what they are and adjust accordingly. Most of the nit wits that I know are in deep denial about one thing or another and they see things the way they need to see them to continue the same stupid behavior that they enjoy doing and don't want to stop. Rick did that when he rationalized that I was a bad wife so he had to screw some bimbo in a trailer park while I was in the midst of cancer.

I have to get ready for when the vet's office calls that the dog is ready to be picked up. They said that there was a slight chance that she may have to spend the night there and if she does, I think I'll go visit her to make sure that she's OK. So, I'll be back later...have a great afternoon!

Meg

This is fun...

...I got an email from some con artist in Nigeria. Here's the gist of it:

...So I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also be advised that because of too many contractors that I have to pay at this final quarter of the year, you will only receive the sum of us$10, 000,000, ten Million United States Dollars. So that I will be able to pay other contractors, but my promise is that I will make sure that you receive your balance later. Kindly re-confirm to me the followings: 1. Your full name. 2. Phone, fax and mobile #. 3. Company name, and address. 4. Profession, age and marital status. As soon as this information is received, your payment will be made to you in a certified bank draft or wired to your nominated bank account...

So, I responded:

You may call me at 404-679-9000 and please, quickly send the money to my office in care of Sting Yu at Suite 400 2635 Century Pkwy. NE. Atlanta, Georgia 30345. I am 26 years of age and I am married. Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance in expediting this matter as I plan to leave the country as soon as I get the cash.

Thank you,

Mr. Yu

I sent them the phone number and address of the local FBI office. I hope they get what they need from them.

Are there actually people stupid enough to fall for this crap? Hell, I signed up for some survey and I got free crap in the mail along with the bill for the free crap and then they billed my phone number . The phone company sent me the bill and then they send the con-artists my cash. The same phone company that won't let anyone PAY my bill without my secret code will let anyone DEBIT that number and ask no questions. That's ridiculous.

Then, my phone rings so many times in a day that the yahoo who is calling me and hanging up is a pleasant change from the barrage of calls that I'm getting from a bunch of off the wall companies wanting something from me. I should start talking to them and giving them all sorts of fake information. I think I will. If I'm bored the next time one of them calls, I will answer the phone and waste their time like they're wasting mine. One of them just called as I sat down to write this. I wish I'd thought of it sooner.

If I have to deal with all of that from "legitimate" companies, I can't imagine what a Nigerian would be capable of. I saw some kid on Judge Judy that had sent money to Nigerians because they sent him a check for more than the amount of cash that he sent them but the check was no good. Somehow, that led to the kid suing someone or being sued, I've forgotten which.

I was going to go out for a while last night but I got sick at my AA thing. I didn't spew on them, but I felt like I would. I hate that. I never know when it's going to happen and it hit me hard last night so I just went home after the meeting instead of going out. I hadn't eaten anything all day and I think that messed me up a bit. I was so afraid that they would all be thinking that I was doing more than being sick in the bathroom because I was in there for so long. I felt awful and I was afraid to come out of the bathroom.

As I type this, the second dog is having a large tumor removed from her hind quarter. I had taken her in for something else and they said that they needed to take this thing off and since it isn't getting any smaller, I think they're right. This vet will let you make small payments as long as you pay something so all of their patients get the care they need. I would feel terrible if I couldn't get the animals cared for because of my broke status. The other animals are all healthy but this older dog is older so she has a bunch of problems. She's a sweety, though, and definitely worth having around. I wish I knew her history, she was found as a stray, all emaciated and she had more bald spots than Rick did. After a few months of eating anything and everything, she's a great big German shepherd looking dog although her face is more of a hound's face.

I have two hundred pounds of dog here so my cousin would have to be an idiot to try to come here. These big ass dogs are one helluva deterrent. I feel totally safe with them and can even sleep in my room again because of them. They both lie down on the floor and won't get up until I do. They both just lie there waiting for me, whether I get up at 6 AM or 10 AM. Payton barks so much at sounds that no one would get anywhere near my room without Payton barking like a maniac. I completely reinforce that behavior as much as I can. The other dog doesn't bark at sounds or people but I bet she'd rip a jugular if it was necessary.

OK, I'm off to carpe the diem so I'll see you later!

Meg

I got an email...

....from a guy who said that I should "scour the car" and get everything out of it that has my name on it. I didn't think about the murderer needing wheels, he just might want that car back and fast. So, this weekend I'll clean the heck out of it and make sure that there's nothing in it that I put there. The last time I cleaned it out was when I first got it and I found bullets in it. My cousin is truly a charmer...'ey?

The guy also wrote in his email that he went out with a woman who totally blew him off after they had sex. He wanted to know if women felt "used and abandoned" like he did and I told him yes. That's exactly how we feel. This guy is a very nice man and a good friend of mine so I know that he wouldn't have acted like a perv or anything like that so I don't know why the chick blew him off but she was a bit younger than my friend and I.

I've found that the younger guys, while as fun as they can be, are not as serious as people my age when it comes to sex. They can have sex very easily and then blow off the person they had sex with. That's not to say that older people don't do it too, but they aren't as prolific as the younger ones are. I'm sticking to men over 35 for now myself. I would date older men but they aren't the ones who ask me out. The younger men are about all I get so when I do find an older one, I like to hold on to that one. The young men are great for a good time, but I wouldn't want to have a serious converstaion with most of them. They're far too easy and they always seem to think that they're doing ME a favor by dating me and I happen to see things a bit differently. I know what I'm capable of and trust me, I'm the one doing the favor.

OK, now I HAVE to take a shower and get dressed for the day, see ya later!

Meg

Finally...

...I get to sit down. I have two dogs, one cat, three fish and countless snails. Except for the fish and the snails, they all bark and meow at me until I feed them and I am not in a very agreeable mood first thing in the morning. They won't let me drink my coffee until I feed them so I am just now sitting down to my first cup. Damn, I forgot to feed the fish, be right back.

Last night I was thinking about something...my stove is still only working on one burner and none of the men I know now can fix it. They're professionals and although they make one helluva a great date, they're pretty useless around the house. I need a blue collar dude for those things. Oh, and for baseball games. I'll be working on that soon.

My father was a professional and he liked to watch baseball, what's wrong with these men? Well over a month into the baseball season and I still haven't been to a game. Of course, I'm not gonna bitch too much, I had a great time the other night but I need to go to a ballgame before the All-Star Game or I'll be annoyed.

Today I have a bunch of errands to run so I have a friend coming over to run me around town. I should be taking a shower but I'm not coffee'd enough to do that yet.

DUH! I was staring at a vase of flowers thinking about what to say and I realized that I didn't even tell you guys about the flowers! Mr. Sundial Restaurant sent me flowers! They aren't roses, but there's 3 dozen of them...iris...how do you spell the plural of iris? Well, I have 3 dozen of them, beautiful purple ones, the same color of the dress that I bought the other day. Are there men that would pay enough attention and actually send flowers in the same color of the dress that their date wore or is this a coincidence? I'd ask him but if I were him, I'd say yes one way or another so I don't know if I'll ever know the answer to that question.

How's that for nice? In one flower sending episode, he sent me more flowers than I got from Rick in over 20 years. That's pretty good.

Speaking of Rick, he sent me an email and I was sort of surprised because he hasn't been in touch with me in a couple of weeks. I guess he's holding true to form, he wants to keep close tabs on me, just nothing serious that might stop him from hanging out with his "friends". If he ever gets hard up for a date and doesn't get a nibble in a while, I'm sure he'll become a bit more persistent. But, that'll never work again because of all the lessons that I've learned since he left, the biggest one is that I don't need him at all and that he did me one helluva favor by leaving. He could have been decent about it and left when I wasn't so sick, but I got better anyway so fuck him.

I almost felt badly about dating two men at once but then I remembered that I'm supposed to be being selfish now so I let those guilt feelings leave right away. I'm taking my own advice and telling myself the same things that I tell my daughter, have fun and when one of them is serious enough to put a ring on my finger, I'll stop seeing the rest of them. Not that there are THAT many right now, but hell, I've had a tough couple of years and sooner or later, I HAVE to have some fun. I'd call this the summer of Meg but I remember what happened to George Costanza when he tried that crap. So, I'll just have a week at a time of fun and plan the following week when I'm done with the current week. So, this is the week of Meg. Damn it, I have to start my week with an AA meeting.

OH! I bet I could find a blue collar dude there! Yeah, that's what I'll do.

I could be a bitch and manipulate the meeting by telling my sad story and mentioning how I can't fix my stove. I bet one of those guys would offer to fix it, ya think? With my luck, I'd get one that just got out of prison and doesn't have many plans on staying out.

My murderer cousin gets out of prison the end of June and that's sort of freaking me out. I looked his picture up on the Georgia Department of Corrections website then I called my father and told him that I had found it. He asked me if I still had my gun and when he did, I was a bit worried. If my father thinks I need one, I guess I SHOULD be a bit worried. This guy has murdered two women and gotten away with both murders. I would think that like most other things in life, even murder gets easier when a person keeps getting away with it. I told my dad to get his sister's car out of my driveway so that I'm not sitting here with something that the nut considers his when he gets out.

Greta Van Sustern's producer's haven't called me so I guess they're not interested in doing a story on him so I'm going to try to get someone else to do it before the guy gets out. I haven't decided if that would help or hurt but I would think that if I was making a lot of noise about him, he might not come after me but who can second guess a murderer?

Oh well, it's time for me to shower so I'm going to do that now. I'll be back later!

See ya!

Meg

A lady wrote to Dear Abby...

...and said that her boyfriend was getting phone calls in the middle of the night from women and a bunch of other odd things were happening. These things made her feel jealous and insecure. The woman wondered if she was being unreasonable.

I was brought back to the way I always felt when stupid shit happened around here and I would feel jealous and insecure. It made me wonder if I was being unreasonable too. Abby finally gave a decent answer:

What you call your insecurity and jealousy are your survival instincts trying to warn you that he is not on the level. You won't have to worry about sinking or swimming if you climb out of the water now. I've thrown you a lifeline. Please take it.

I wish that someone had told me such things! I was just left to sit and worry that I was being silly and being married to such a liar just totally reinforced my feelings of self doubt. Now I know that it was what Abby said, my own instincts telling me that something was very wrong. I know that some people are truly whacked and they will worry all the time and will look behind doors evevry chance they get, but for the most part, if you suspect your significant other of cheating, you're right. I always was.

Like the woman who wrote to Abby, I wondered why I was feeling so badly about my "wonderful" husband. If I had trusted myself, I would have saved myself years of hurt. I'll not let that happen again. I have no plans to get remarried for at least 4 years, that's how much time Rick has left to pay on his alimony and he's not getting out of it one day early. But when I do get remarried, it will be to someone who doesn't lie and there ARE men who don't lie.

I still feel slightly bad when I'm with another man because I was married for so long. I have been separated for close to two years and I STILL feel like I'm cheating and that I'll wake up some day and find out that I've been caught cheating on Rick. If I feel like this now, I couldn't imagine what I would have felt like if I had actually cheated on him. So, I know that there must be men who feel the same way when they cheat and I'm going to find one of those guys. A man with a conscience is so nice to have.

I've met a few decent men and I'm going to meet a few more before it's over. If I ever start feeling like the woman who wrote that letter, I will know what it means. Someone once said, "He who looks behind doors had stood behind many." and with my nutty ex, I found that to be true. He was constantly accusing me of doing something wrong when it was actually he who was cheating. But, if a normal person feels like they're being lied to, they are probably right. So, being the relatively normal person that I am, I know now that it isn't me and I'm not nuts, Rick was really cheating on me. He taight me one hell of a lesson and I learned it well.

I hope that this woman listens to Abby and gets the hell out of Dodge before she spends years on some bum who has no problems lieing and dating women who don't mind stealing another woman's man. I wouldn't have wanted a man who would screw another man's wife. Unfortunately, I was married to a man who didn't have a scruple in his entire head. But, that won't happen again.

OK, now I'm going back to reading Dear Abby.

See ya!

Meg

Good morning!

I had a wonderful time last night although somehow I crossed channels with the guy and he misunderstood something that I had said. It turned out to be a nice misunderstanding because I ended up at the top of a building, just not the Hyatt. There's a place called the Westin in Atlanta and we went to their restaurant which was about the nicest place that I've been in years. Actually, it WAS the nicest place that I've been in years.

Chicago has a place sort of like it at the top of the John Hancock Building. That place has a restaurant and a night club on the 95th and 96th floors. This place reminded me of that only they had three floors of places to go instead of two. One was the restaurant, one was the bar and one was an observation deck. It was so beautiful! We sat next to the window to eat and our table looked out over Atlanta. It isn't as nice as Chicago or San Francisco so far as the view, but the food was perfect. I let my date order for me and I sort of wish I didn't. It was great but there's something odd about eating the "Roast Loin of Young Lamb." It just sounds wrong. I don't want to eat the loin of any young thing.

I can't believe that I've been in Atlanta for 12 years and just now found this place. I'm sure it's been here the entire time but no one told me about it. I saw the revolving bar at the top of the Hyatt, I just didn't know about this one. My date offered to order a bottle of wine and I had to get out of that one. I don't have the kind of luck that would let me get away with drinking wine at the top of a large building without running in to some cop who knows that I'm not supposed to drink. That's OK, I didn't want to fall out of the elevator so I shouldn't have been drinking anyway. I haven't been in one of those elevators since I left San Francisco. It's the kind that they had in the movie Towering Inferno only inside the building.

It was so nice that I can't be sure what I enjoyed more, the place, the view or the company. They were all wonderful. I have a feeling that my date just went in his closet to find the suit he wore last night. I found myself wondering about that. For Rick to go to a place like that, he would have had to do what I did, go out and buy something appropriate. I would love to be able to just go into my closet and find something nice but I don't mind shopping per date as long as the date provides the cash. That was fun. I especially liked the part of the date where I actually was walked to my door and kissed like I was out with Wally Cleaver. I didn't have to argue with anyone, nobody was pawing at me and no one tried to pull my clothes off. I had SUCH a nice time. A couple of dates like that and I may just rip my own clothes off.

I'm gonna try to do this again sometime. I always told my kids that they should apply for really good jobs because they'll end up with one of them and if they apply for crappy jobs, they'll get one of those. I should limit myself to men who know how to treat a woman and maybe I won't end up with another Rick. Yep, that's what I'm going to do.

Cool.

Meg

Hello again!

I'm back from the mall and I'm very happy with the stuff that I got. I'm about to go get ready for a 7 PM dinner date so I have to run but I wanted to show you this:

http://www.brunswickmanor.com/index1.htm

That's the place where I'll be staying when Biff and I go to the coast. Isn't it beautiful? I can't wait. Well, until then, I have to settle for a surprise dinner tonight. I'll let you know where I went after I find out where I'm going!

See ya!

Meg

Hi there!

I just got back from my Bartow County probation meeting. This was the last time that I'll be seeing them because I paid that one off. So, now I'm only on probation in one jurisdiction. One down, one to go.

I told the guy who asked me out for tonight that I didn't really have anything appropraite to wear to go someplace nice so he gave me his credit card and told me to go buy myself something. I tried to say no a few times but it didn't work and I didn't really want to keep pressing the matter. The man said that it would make him happy to see me buy myself something nice so who am I to stand in the way of his happiness.

Then, he's taking me someplace that will be a surprise. I'll tell you afterward where I went. I kind of like a surprise, it means that someone is going out of their way to see to it that I have a nice time. In the past month, I've been out to dinner more times than I had gone out to dinner in the entire time Rick and I were together. I never complained because he didn't have the money to take me out very often. Of course, had I known that he could afford a mistress, I would have asked for a few things that I never asked for. Damn.

Oh well. Now I have to fix my hair, it's all hanging straight and if I'm going to be trying on nice outfits, I should probably fix my hair and change out of my white socks. I have about an hour before my ride gets here so I have to run and primp a bit before I leave for the mall. Then, when I get back, I'll have to primp all over again.

I'll pop back in before I go out unless I don't have the time in which case I'll be back after I go out.

See ya!

Meg

Hi there!

It's 2 AM and I'm sitting up eating popsycles. Lime popsicles. They're just so damned good. I can eat a box of them in one sitting...easily. I have to restrain myself or they'll be gone in 3 days. 2 a day is more than enough. It's just that now that it's after midnight, I can have today's popsycles right after I ate yesterday's so it worked out really good for me. I keep getting sick...like on the car the other day...and popsycles are one thing that I can keep down. That and Jell-O. I eat a lot of Jell-O. Luckily, I like it. No matter how bad my appetite gets, I can always eat my lime popsycles.

I've been on the phone most of the evening and that was fun. Don't you just love those phone calls where you talk to someone for hours and fall asleep before you get tired of talking? It's the kind of call that makes a woman think that a man likes her. No guy would stay on the phone for that long with someone that he didn't like. Anyone of them would find some escape if they so desired.

That's what I want. Someone who likes me. That shouldn't be too hard to find. I'm pretty nice to people who are nice to me. Ask anyone. I admit that I can be somewhat caustic if need be, but only to the degree that I am the victim of another's caustic nature. In general, I'm pretty reasonable and even handed. Seriously.

The other thing that I won't compromise on is someone who takes pride in all areas of communication. Verbal and non-verbal. Sloppy men need not apply. Oh my God....don't knock twice if you haven't made a very good impression on that first visit. Maybe you could slide if there was some humorus yet endearing screw up that exuded some sort of pathetic charm, which, by the way, is what happened the first time I was with Rick. But, all in all, you had better come prepared to take care of business...or at least go down (no pun intended) trying really hard. Sometimes it's just not gonna happen but we appreciate the effort.

Personally, I know I have one chance to get someone's attention and make them think to themselves, "She's done this before." I take pride in my accomplishments. And, I won't accept someone who doesn't.

And with that thought...I shall now go to sleep and think about things.

Meg

I came upon a bit of a dilemma...

...today. Another guy asked me out and at first I said no. Then, I thought about things for a while and about how long I was married and whether or not I'll ever have that many chances to really date anymore. So, I decided to say yes. Biff and I aren't "going steady" or anything like that so I guess it's OK. Ya think?

I think I'm going to do just that. I do like Biff, a lot. But, I also like to have fun and I haven't had too much lately so I think that I'm going to do a bit more trying to have fun and a little less sitting at home.

I called the phone company to find out how much it would cost to get my computer access from them. They gave me a price and then I called the phone company to switch and before I was done, I had gotten my phone bill cut in half, my cable bill lowered and more channels than I had in the first place. I wish I could threaten to leave the electric company and get that bill cut in half.

When I called the phone company, I found out that I had 42 dollars worth of stupid charges that somehow got on my bill from that stupid computer survey that I filled out weeks ago. So, I got those free books that were sent to Kelso child and a bunch of charges on my phone bill that I don't have a clue about. On top of that, I keep getting phone calls from every telemarketer in the country and a few that are out of this country. That is so irritating. I don't know how they can charge stuff to my phone, no one could even pay my bill by phone without my secret code. I can't understand how they can arbitrarily bill my phone for crap.

So, all of those stupid points that I'm accruing to get a fricking coupon for Burger King are secretly trying to extract money out of me anyway they can. Never, ever sign up for anything online. From now on, I'm giving out a fake phone number every time that I fill out anything. As long as you can bill things to a phone number, I'm keeping that stupid number away from the computer.

Tomorrow night I'm going out to dinner and I get to pick the restaurant. I will probably decide what to wear and then figure out what I'm dressed for. I'd like to go to the revolving restaurant at the top of the Hyatt but I'd have to dress up a lot for that. If I'm in the mood to primp for two hours tomorrow, I'll do that otherwise I'll just pick a nice steak house. I love a nice steak.

Once when I was in my mid 20's, I had a different date every night for 6 nights in a row. Unfortunately, Rick was the only one that I was sleeping with at the time but I did have fun anyway. I doubt that I could pull something like that off now but I would like to see if I could come close. I probably wouldn't be able to take pictures of the guys that I'm going out with now and post them up here (like I did last spring) because I'm limiting myself to a better class of men and they would probably be a bit too smart for that. I'm going to come up with an entirely new set of rules for dating now than I had when I was in my 20's because those rules got me married to Rick. I'll probably concentrate less on height and a bit more on brains. It could work, you never know.

Well, I'm going to sleep on my couch again. Although I don't like living alone a whole lot, I don't mind if I can have some fun too. So, I should start to have a lot of fun.

See ya!

Meg

Good morning!

Another weekend is over and I still haven't gotten the gutters cleaned out. I tried to pull myself up onto the roof to do it myself but it didn't work. I'm afraid of pulling the gutters down when I fall and that wouldn't be good at all. I had a ladder but it disappeared. I don't know what Rick took with him and what just disappeared. I can't imagine him taking the ladder, most of the stuff he took just left the house in his pockets or tool box. I'm sure that my passport left that way.

My nutty ex or his wife tried to call me last night. I can't believe that they actually think I would answer the phone anymore than I would open the emails that they send. The ex is henpecked and he thinks that the rest of the world will kiss the mighty ass of his child bride. Everyone owes her an apology and they sit in their house complaining about how awful the entire world is to her and how they aren't going to speak to anyone until they get an apology while the rest of the world goes about their business, never thinking twice about those two. They might get apologies if it did any good but no one can ever predict what will annoy the nut next so it's impossible to avoid offending her. They still want to believe that my daughter gives me all the information that I have. My daughter and I never discuss those two, we don't have to. There are far too many other people in his family willing to tell me what a jerk she is.

Anyway, that's enough time devoted to those whack jobs. I watched a freaky movie last night, American Psycho. I think it was supposed to be a comment on the excesses of the 80's but it was actually just an odd movie about a murderer. I could have gone the rest of my life without ever seeing that movie.

It's beginning to get uncomfortably warm in this part of the country and I hate that. I hate to be hot. I would rather live somewhere that has blizzards than someplace that has this much hot. This is like Africa hot although Florida found a way to be hotter. I still haven't figured out what there is in my house that operates on gas but I would hope that it isn't the air conditioner. Would an air conditioner use gas to work? I don't know and I'm confused. The gas bill goes up in the winter so I suppose it has something to do with the furnace but I have never, ever lit a pilot light and I would think that there would be one of those involved with gas stuff but what do I know. I know I don't have a gas stove because I have those spiral things that turn red when you use them but I don't know how to tell if the other stuff is gas. If the gas ever got turned off I suppose I would find out but that's never happened.

Oh, when I signed up for that stupid online survey thing, there were a bunch of free offers and you were automatically signed up for them when you filled out the stuff online. Over the weekend, I got a bunch of books in the mail that were addressed to Kelso Child. They were free, except for the shipping and handling charge. I'm not going to pay for that because I didn't order it. I'd like to see them go after Kelso child and get the money from that person. They're good books, all Dr. Seuss stuff. But, I didn't order them and I'm not paying for them. So there.

Tony Danza is on in the background and that can't be. I must go turn the channel. He annoys me. The sound of his voice annoys me. He's almost as annoying as the mother on That 70's Show who is almost as annoying as Hazel. Luckily, Hazel isn't on often.

Obviously, nothing much has happened yet today so I'm not going to bore you further. I will be back later when I think of something amusing or even just a little less boring than Hazel. Have a good day and I'll see you later!

Meg

I heard that nutty Dixie Chick...

...has taken back her apologies and reinstated her verbal attacks upon our president. Now, I certainly respect her right to voice her opinion (more respect than her type is willing to give anyone else), I do have one problem with her and the way in which she chooses to assault the president with a barrage of her best nasty sound bites that are fed by anger and bitterness. I would assert that she even has at least a tinge of hatred in her motivational stores. She takes it all personally and attacks quite personally and I think that's just unnecessary.

You don't have to totally shut up nor do you have to forget that whoever is filling that position is a temporary holder of the office that we should all respect. We would want the presidents that we like to be respected and treated fairly. And, as I said, intelligent minds can differ so we all have our own opinions and nuances of our opinions based on everywhere that we've been in our own history's. Like DNA, no two of them are alike so we all agree about some things but disagree about others. If we were to first meet as a result of some common interest like stamp collecting and we become friends. If we meet over something like an election or a fender bender and the same person might become our enemy. Isn't that silly?

Besides, they're all crooked so we should just come at the problem in another way. Who knows, maybe there's a revolution or a civil war in the future of the United States. It might not happen for 452 years, but it could happen. Heck, we might even have a king or something like that.
I'm eating strawberries. They're so good. I should probably smash them and put some sugar in the strawberry mashed stuff. That'd be good. That's like the stuff you make strawberry shortcake with. It's sooo good.

Well, I'm tired and I'd like to go to couch now. I'll see you later.

Ciao.

Meg

Dear Meg,

"...whenever my girlfriend tells me her problems, she gets mad at me when I give her advice. I wouldn't say anything except that she is telling me what's wrong..."

That's actually a good question because of how many men feel the same way. When their women complain about something that happened at work or something that the kids did that day, men always try to fix the problem. That's not bad, it's actually rather sweet of them. But that's just because men do that in general, they solve problems. And, when we tell them about our problems, they naturally want to solve them. The thing that makes it annoying is that most of the time, we aren't actually looking for a solution, we're just bitching. All a women needs at that point is someone to listen to her, not someone to offer solutions.

If a woman is telling you something that bothers her and you can see an easy fix, don't offer that fix unless she asks for your advice. Otherwise, you're likely to hear, "I didn't ASK you for your help, I was just TELLING you what happened!" Your kind intentions can be misread and get you in a bit of a tight spot unnecessarily. If we do want your advice, we'll specifically ask for it. If you feel the need to offer a solution to a woman's problem, at least ask her if she wants your advice before you go ahead and give it. That's an easy problem to fix because it's pretty easy for most men to NOT say something. You may sit there and think, "She deserves to have that problem if she won't take my simple advice." and you may even be right, but just keep it to yourself until she asks for your help. I don't know why some women get annoyed at a man's offer of advice, but some do.

In another part of that email, the guy said that he does everything he can to make his girlfriend happy and she still complains all the time. I don't know the situation well enough to know exactly what's going on, but I do know that men seem to think that they are doing all kinds of stuff for us and then they wonder why we're still complaining. Usually, I think the problem is that the men are doing a lot and they have good intentions but the things that the woman actually wants them to do aren't being done. Yeah, you can go to work everyday and bring home your check, pay all the bills and even help out around the house. But, is that what she asked you to do or is that what you think she wants? Rick did all of that and then he didn't understand when I was unhappy. It isn't that I didn't appreciate all the things that he did do, it's just that he never did the simple things that would have made me happy. I would have enjoyed it if he would have spoken to me occasionally, showed me affection or just brought an occasional flower home.

Most of us aren't really that cryptic, we let you know what we want. It's just that men seem to think that all of the ordinary day to day man stuff that they do is enough. It's certainly nice to have that stuff done, but it isn't all that we want. We need to know that you like us and that you enjoy being around us. When you make us feel good about ourselves, we are much more inclined to confidently initiate the things that make you guys happy. It isn't really a give and take sort of thing, it's more of a self esteem thing. Women who have men that make them feel attractive and sexy act like they're attractive and sexy. Women who are treated like they're noting more than a roommate will pretty much act like they're little more than a roommate. It's pretty much up to you guys to make us feel like we're wanted and if you do, you're the ones who will benefit. You'd be amazed at how much different a woman will act when she thinks that she's wanted by the man that she loves.

Well, I have to go shopping while my son is here to take me. Oh, my daughter went to see Jerry Seinfeld last night. She called me from the show and out the phone down so that I could listen to it but I couldn't hear a thing. I did hear people laughing, but I couldn't hear the jokes that they were laughing at. Last month she went to see Michael Richards. I didn't even know that he did stand up. Anyway, my son is here and wants to leave now so I better run or I won't get to go to the store.

See ya!

Meg

Biff and I...

...went out this afternoon and I'll bet that you couldn't guess what I did. In a million years, you'd probably never guess correctly. Well, maybe within a million years, but it'd be a while.

Well, I'll tell ya. I blew chunks on the man's car. We had a lovely afternoon in downtown Atlanta and we shared an excellent beef quesadilla's. It was wonderful. Maybe the best quesadilla I've ever had. There's only one thing that I can say that would be considered negative...it doesn't look good on the side of a car. At least not on this particular car. It was pretty bad. That's not something that you really prepare for so I didn't know what to do when it happened. I just sort of sat there...stunned and dripping because we were driving 50 MPH and I was the victim of some wind damage. All I had were two MacDonald's napkins and they didn't come close to solving my problem. He wanted to pull over but I said, "Just get me home." and he did.

I had to get a hose and a shower, it was awful.

Other than that, it was a lovely date. We actually went to The World of Coke, a cheesy museum based on Coca Cola that all Atlantans must go to once. We both went for our second time and learned why you're only supposed to go once. No intelligent person can work up the curiosity about Coke required to actually LOOK at the exhibits with any degree of interest the second time around. But, we did get to sample a bunch of Coke products from all over the world. They had this lemon drink that was from some country that I forgot. It was really, really good. I wish I had paid a bit of attention to the name of it. Now I have to go back a third time. Crap.

I'm glad to be home, I must say. I had gotten quite used to being at home and I've sort of missed it this weekend. I want to just veg out. I pretty much am. Of course, I do have a bucket next to me in case I should spew again so I shouldn't have to clean up any more messes. So, I"m going to take my bucket and go sit in my blue chair and stare at the television for a while. I think I'll watch Titanic or some such silliness. Have a good evening!

Meg

My idiot ex...

...the one that married a child, not Rick, has told my daughter that he is going to do everything within his power to see to it that I go back to jail. Isn't that a lovely thing to say to your daughter?

If he were standing right in front of me, I would tell him that the opposite of love is NOT hate, it's indifference. If his wife was standing right here, I would tell her that she should ask her husband why he is so obssessed with his ex wife that he hasn't seen twice in twenty years.

He's upset that my daughter told me about his childish wife's refusal to go to his mother's 75th birthday party. I guess it's easier for him to harrass our daughter than it is to direct his anger where it belongs, at the nit wit he married who is too selfish to treat his mother with respect.

He assumes that my daughter is the only person who tells me things about his wife's behavior as though he doesn't realize that his entire family thinks that he married a lunatic. If I wanted to, I could list the things that people in his family have told me and he wouldn't be able to tell who told me these things because there are far too many people in his family who know about the way that this nut acts to be able to pin down which one told me what.

Years ago, his mother in law called me to tell me that I should let her daughter have my children. Why on earth she thought that I would listen to a woman who allowed her 15 year old daughter to date a man in his 30's is beyond me. Most mothers would have had the perv arrested but this woman handed her little girl to a pedophile on a silver platter. That's reason enough not to listen to her. Can you imagine calling a woman that you didn't know and telling her to give her children to a drunken child that is the victim of a perverted child molestor?

So, the nimrod wants to have ME arrested! LOLOLOL, I hope his wife hides her drugs before the cops come over to take the report. Oh well, I'm going back to cleaning my house. I have a boyfriend who doesn't do children and he's coming over this evening to take me out to dinner. I'll be back later!

Meg

Good morning!

I went to my alcoholic class last night. That thing went so fast that I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to get out of it. Two people graduated from some program and that took 45 minutes. Then, the guy said, "Let's see, I have 15 minutes to conduct this meeting..." and went on to chat for a while and then everyone just left. It's more of a social thing than anything else. That just makes it sort of pleasant which is more than I can say for jail.

I still get letters from a few of the more normal people that I was in jail with. (The freaks just call me trying to get me to get them out.) There's one chick that I used to walk around the cell block with, singing 70's songs. We called ourselves The Radio. It was fun, especially since we both liked the same music. Every so often she writes me to get the words to some song that she wants to sing. If I remember correctly, she was in there on some type of drug charge, nothing like stealing or hurting anyone. She's the type of person that I could have been friends with under different circumstances. Her letters keep me up with all the other people that we knew in jail. She's still there but she said that most of the people that I knew are gone. So, if I went back, I wouldn't know a soul except her. I guess there won't be any reunions for us.

I'm still surprised at how many nice people were there. I watched Cool Hand Luke the other day and it reminded me of jail. The scene where Paul Newman was returned from escaping and all of his cell mates helped him reminded me of how nice most of the jail people were. The prisoners, not the guards. The prisoners, for the most part, treated each other pretty nicely. I don't know what the men's section was like, but the women pretty much took care of each other. That is of course, not counting the women who stole from me. Naturally, there were a few crooks there as well, but most of the prisoners were very nice. It was more like college without homework than what I would have thought jail was like. Not that I would want to go back, the guards ruined it all. Between being mean and relatively stupid, they made jail an unpleasant experience. So, I'll not be going back, thank you.

I understand that they aren't supposed to be like hotel employees, but they went far above the line of duty in acting like assholes. The one who said, "She looks like she just did too much crack." when I was sick was probably the worst. I wasn't in there for crack, I've never seen crack and I wouldn't know what it was if I did see it.

I wouldn't mind being a jail guard. I'd be the nice one. I think that you can be decent to people and still be a good guard. But, what do I know...maybe they're taught to be assholes or maybe it's just a pre-requisite for the job.

I went through that phase that a lot of people go through where I wanted to be a cop, but I wouldn't have been a good cop. I would have let people off the hook if they seemed nice enough and had a good hard luck story to tell. I went to church with a guy (when I was a teenager) who became a cop in the town that I grew up in. He lost his job because he locked a crook in the squad car with the keys and the guy drove away in my friend's cop car. I would probably do something like that so I'm not going to make fun of that guy.

Cop or prisoner, I'm pretty much done with law enforcement for a good while. I'm just going to be a good girl until I'm done with my probation and then go back to living my life again once I get my license back. I'm not going to do anything that would land me back in jail again but I must say, I still think that it isn't any of their business what I do in the privacy of my own home. My father and I discussed some of the things that I'm talking about and even he agreed with me. He's a conservative attorney and even he thinks that it's stupid that marijuana is illegal. If everyone that I've ever known that smoked pot went to jail, there would be very few people left on the streets.

You know, I still don't know how Rick was able to get out of his probation without urinating in a cup but he was allowed to leave the state while he was on probation for domestic violence. I never hurt a soul and I couldn't leave the state so that I could be closer to a support system where I could have had help completing the terms of my probation. I was truly in a no win situation and I'm not quite sure how I ever made it this far considering all the things that I have to do without a car or job or money to pay the fines with. But, I'm doing it. Mainly with the help of a very nice guy who I am just lucky to have met. If I didn't have help from a few different people, I don't know what I would have done. There was a moment there that I considered just going to jail and completing my terms by serving time instead of doing everything that they wanted me to do. That was always an option but my daughter didn't want me to be in jail without medical care anymore than I did. If I had to, I could just serve the time that I have left on my probation and with the two for one, I would only have to serve half of it. So, if I had 4 months left and couldn't complete the terms of my probation, I would just serve two months and not pay a dime. For a while there, that was starting to look like my only option. But, now I'm getting it all done on my own so I'll be finished with it all later.

I'm not lucky enough to get away with anything at all so I'll just be a good girl. I don't have enough cash to get away with murder and I'm not young and pretty enough to get away with molesting young boys. I wouldn't mind being a jewel thief like the woman in MI 2, but I would have loved to have done something like that. If I had my life to live over again, I just might be a big time jewel thief. That seems like such fun and I when I was younger, I was pretty enough to get in and out of places that have million dollar necklaces. Now I'd just look like some middle aged tourist and I probably wouldn't get invited to the types of places where they keep really, really expensive jewelry. Once when my brother was arrested for something stupid, my father remarked, "I wouldn't mind so much if he was a GOOD thief, but he keeps on doing stupid things that get him caught." I doubt that my dad meant that he would have enjoyed seeing my brother be a petty thief, but I do think that he would have appreciated a successful Ocean's Eleven type of crook. It's too late for me to start a new career as a jewel thief, I wouldn't be able to learn all the things that I'd need to know before I croak.

I think that if I had the time to really plan a caper well, it'd be fun, don't you? I like to read true crime and I watch the news when people get caught doing stupid things during their crimes. Recently, a couple of sisters robbed a bank. One of them worked at the bank and she was the "victim". She should have known that she would have to take a lie detector test so that was just stupid. I'm amazed at how many people rob banks in the Atlanta area. Quite a few of them seem to get away with it but not all of them. I don't think that I would bother robbing a bank. I'd like to come up with something a bit more original like the way they stole the truck in The Italian Job. Now THAT looked like fun and it took creativity. I could respect a crook like that. Unfortunately, I don't know any safe crackers, explosive experts or really good get away drivers so I wouldn't be any good at it. But, if I had it to do over again, I would be a crook like those guys.

Well, not having any capers to plan, I think I'll go ahead and do the dishes.

Damn.

Meg