"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option"

I found that quote on the blog of the commenter below the picture of my granddaughter:

http://lost-in-waste.blogspot.com/

It's a great quote, don't you think? I think that we, as women, (and sometimes men) have a habit of making someone else our priority to the exclusion of our own well being. It's great to put a loving partner above all else...that is of course, if they return the sentiment. That's the making of a great relationship. But, when the scales tip and the two of you are doing more for one of you than you are for each of you (are you following that?), then there's a problem.

I made Rick the most important thing in my life. Hell, he was my ENTIRE life. So much so that here I am, stuck in a state that I know about 4 people without anything to occupy my time with. My kids are grown and living their own lives and here I sit like an idiot, as alone as I've ever been in my life.

A healthy relationship should be like two circles that overlap at one point, but still have some of their own space left. I didn't do that. I put my entire circle over Rick's and when he left...there was nothing but me and I had long ago given myself to him.

To this day, he still wants to keep me here alone, just in case. Just last week, two year after he left, he told me that I was the "love of his life and he will always love me for that". Yeah, that and ten cents would give me a dime. He gets a bit annoyed at me when I blog about other men and I don't get that at all.

I still have a hard time even speaking to other men because for so long, I was married to another man. I still feel like I shouldn't be talking to anyone else and I sure as hell don't feel like I should be sleeping with anyone else. Two years and I'm still trying to break myself away from the marriage that was supposed to last for eternity.

One of the other times that Rick left me, I heard a song that would make me feel so good, I need to hear it again. Here are the lyrics to that song:

I should have known you'd bid me farewell.
There's a lesson to be learned from thisand I've learned it very well.
Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea.
If I never hear your name again it's all the same to me.
And I think it's gonna be all right.
Yeah, the worst is over now,
The morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.
You never cared for secrets I'd confide.
For you I'm just an ornament, Something for your pride.
Always running, never caring,That's the life you live.
Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give.
And I think it's gonna be all right.Yeah, the worst is over now,
The morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.
The story's in the past with nothing to recall.
I've got my life to live and I don't need you at all
The roller coaster ride we took is nearly at an end.
I bought my ticket with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend.
And I think it's gonna be all right.Yeah, the worst is over now,
The morning sun is shining like a Red Rubber Ball.

Well, I think I'll download that song, put it on a CD over and over again and listen to it until I GET IT!

I read in another blog something that a crazed attorney said to a woman who had blogged about the wopig, hosebag momma that stole her husband. The nasty attorney bitch actually became very unprofessional and insinuated that the blogger was anything less than normal in the feelings that it took for her to write her blog. Of course, it was a female attorney and probably one who screwed a few husbands in her time. Why else would another woman NOT understand the feeling that leads a woman to do such a thing?

I never did this before I was cheated on and I haven't done it since (except for my little cook blog) and I couldn't imagine doing it again. When someone takes away your entire life, you sort of feel like you have nothing else to lose. And, guess what? I didn't! I was put in a situation where there wasn't anything else that could happen to me so what the heck...I didn't care what anyone thought and neither does the blogger that I'm speaking of.

Does it look bad? Who cares? the only person who's opinion mattered was gone.

Was there another way to handle it? Who cares...this felt good.

Is it slanderous? Nope. Not if it's all true and it is. The only people who should worry about being caught blogging are liars and people who want to make the law their career. A liar could be sued for slander and an aspiring attorney could be tossed out of law school if the subject of the blog called the dean of the school. They had better be able to prove what they say to a tee or they won't be in law school for very long at all. (OH! That gives me an idea! I can't wait for the schools to open in the morning. Law schools don't want the type of publicity that a crazed women could cause once she has been put in the position of "nothing left to lose".)

The moral to that story is that you had better leave at least a glimmer of hope for anyone that you don't want to crap you out or they will do whatever it takes to screw you right back. I've been left with nothing but my anger and that's a dangerous mix if you don't want the wrath of woman to be in your face.

So, since I have to wait until morning to make my next move...I think I'm going to go enjoy Labor Day.

I'll be back in a while.

Meggers