Meg,
Do you know where HE lives? You have not been to HIS house, have you? This seems like desperate behavior. Either he is desperate or you are!
No, it wasn't desperation, it was boredom. And incredibly stupid. But I usually do stupid things rather often so I'm quite adept at handling these types of situations.
The nice thing about wackos is the immediacy with which I run from them. It didn't take much to recognize the appropriate moment and I've already extricated myself from that one. I must say though, I absolutely did enjoy the sociological aspect of this brief but red flag-filled relationship. I found myself at a redneck place filled with the most extreme rednecks I have ever seen. And remember, I lived in Roanoke, Virginia for years and years. But Roanoke rednecks are rather classy compared to Gogia rednecks.
We walked into a place with a band playing and Craigslist Dude put his beer down on the first table he came to so I sat at it. My back went out the other day and it was causing me quite a bit of trouble so I was happy to sit down at the earliest opportunity. Apparently, I misread his intentions because he shouted, "Let's go get closer."
I shouted back, "Why? Can't you hear the band from here?" We were all the way in the back but that was only about 70 feet away from the band that I couldn't see, but could hear quite well.
He responded, "Let's go up there so we can dance."
That irritated me more than the redneck chicks who screeched forever at the beginning and end of each and every song that the band played. "My back is out, I can't dance!" No one ever said anything about dancing, I wouldn't have ever agreed to that. And, it never occurred to me that a date would ask me to dance knowing that it hurt me to inhale.
I made the observation that, "This is a place that you have to be half shitfaced to enjoy." I was stone cold sober so it held absolutely NO appeal for me. Of course, there's the fact that I've never been in such a place in my entire life and I was quite sure that police would be right there if only I waited long enough.
My jaw literally dropped as I looked around at the yahoo's who had been drinking all night. I was amazed. They were like caricatures...each one looked more like a redneck than the last. He read the look on my face and was apparently somewhat angry at my "snobbish attitude". It wasn't snobbery at all...it was sincere and utter shock. I could only hope that I would find the plutonium and travel back to the future soon.
Just as he was calling me a snob, I noticed a guy walking past me who looked like he had the reddest neck of all. He was huge, at least 6'4" and he had to be well over 300 pounds. He was wearing a black leather vest over tattoo covered arms and he had one of those long redneck ponytails hanging down his back. The obligatory beard was hanging from his chin and I just had to laugh. The timing couldn't have been better...the accusation of being a snob and then the appearance of Big Red had me in stitches. The margarita might have been kicking in about then as well.
I guess that did it and my date said something that I couldn't hear but I'm pretty sure was derogatory. Then he left. I had no idea where he had gone and I still wasn't past the environment in which I found myself so I sat there, still rather shell shocked and laughing for about a minute and a half. Then I thought..."Now what?"
It quickly occurred to me that I had a golden ticket out of that entire situation and I took it. I bolted and called a friend to come and get me. Then, I did what I would ordinarily do, I went looking for the pool tables while waiting for my ride. You wouldn't have to know me too well to find me at a place like that. Anyone who's ever met me would know to look for me at the pool tables. I was sitting at the bar watching the games being played to decide which table to challenge when Craigslist Dude finally found me.
I thought he took off but apparently there's a game rednecks play where they argue and then one runs off and the other follows them to bitch more. Personally, only a total moron would think that I would be at all familiar with that game so I grabbed my excuse and held on tightly.
He accused me of "taking off" and I immediately recognized that as "the guilty person turning the bad behavior around on me" and Meggie don't play that shit. Everything he said emboldened me and confirmed that I had made the right decision and soon after that, my friend came and I left.
Now, I realize that one was all on me. I walked right into it. But, to be honest, it was rather entertaining and I didn't really have anything else to do over the weekend so it's all good. But I must apologize to the gang at the Second Alarm in Roanoke. I'll never laugh at you guys again. You are NOT the creepiest rednecks in the known universe. Cartersville, Georgia Rednecks have you beat all to hell.
Do you know where HE lives? You have not been to HIS house, have you? This seems like desperate behavior. Either he is desperate or you are!
No, it wasn't desperation, it was boredom. And incredibly stupid. But I usually do stupid things rather often so I'm quite adept at handling these types of situations.
The nice thing about wackos is the immediacy with which I run from them. It didn't take much to recognize the appropriate moment and I've already extricated myself from that one. I must say though, I absolutely did enjoy the sociological aspect of this brief but red flag-filled relationship. I found myself at a redneck place filled with the most extreme rednecks I have ever seen. And remember, I lived in Roanoke, Virginia for years and years. But Roanoke rednecks are rather classy compared to Gogia rednecks.
We walked into a place with a band playing and Craigslist Dude put his beer down on the first table he came to so I sat at it. My back went out the other day and it was causing me quite a bit of trouble so I was happy to sit down at the earliest opportunity. Apparently, I misread his intentions because he shouted, "Let's go get closer."
I shouted back, "Why? Can't you hear the band from here?" We were all the way in the back but that was only about 70 feet away from the band that I couldn't see, but could hear quite well.
He responded, "Let's go up there so we can dance."
That irritated me more than the redneck chicks who screeched forever at the beginning and end of each and every song that the band played. "My back is out, I can't dance!" No one ever said anything about dancing, I wouldn't have ever agreed to that. And, it never occurred to me that a date would ask me to dance knowing that it hurt me to inhale.
I made the observation that, "This is a place that you have to be half shitfaced to enjoy." I was stone cold sober so it held absolutely NO appeal for me. Of course, there's the fact that I've never been in such a place in my entire life and I was quite sure that police would be right there if only I waited long enough.
My jaw literally dropped as I looked around at the yahoo's who had been drinking all night. I was amazed. They were like caricatures...each one looked more like a redneck than the last. He read the look on my face and was apparently somewhat angry at my "snobbish attitude". It wasn't snobbery at all...it was sincere and utter shock. I could only hope that I would find the plutonium and travel back to the future soon.
Just as he was calling me a snob, I noticed a guy walking past me who looked like he had the reddest neck of all. He was huge, at least 6'4" and he had to be well over 300 pounds. He was wearing a black leather vest over tattoo covered arms and he had one of those long redneck ponytails hanging down his back. The obligatory beard was hanging from his chin and I just had to laugh. The timing couldn't have been better...the accusation of being a snob and then the appearance of Big Red had me in stitches. The margarita might have been kicking in about then as well.
I guess that did it and my date said something that I couldn't hear but I'm pretty sure was derogatory. Then he left. I had no idea where he had gone and I still wasn't past the environment in which I found myself so I sat there, still rather shell shocked and laughing for about a minute and a half. Then I thought..."Now what?"
It quickly occurred to me that I had a golden ticket out of that entire situation and I took it. I bolted and called a friend to come and get me. Then, I did what I would ordinarily do, I went looking for the pool tables while waiting for my ride. You wouldn't have to know me too well to find me at a place like that. Anyone who's ever met me would know to look for me at the pool tables. I was sitting at the bar watching the games being played to decide which table to challenge when Craigslist Dude finally found me.
I thought he took off but apparently there's a game rednecks play where they argue and then one runs off and the other follows them to bitch more. Personally, only a total moron would think that I would be at all familiar with that game so I grabbed my excuse and held on tightly.
He accused me of "taking off" and I immediately recognized that as "the guilty person turning the bad behavior around on me" and Meggie don't play that shit. Everything he said emboldened me and confirmed that I had made the right decision and soon after that, my friend came and I left.
Now, I realize that one was all on me. I walked right into it. But, to be honest, it was rather entertaining and I didn't really have anything else to do over the weekend so it's all good. But I must apologize to the gang at the Second Alarm in Roanoke. I'll never laugh at you guys again. You are NOT the creepiest rednecks in the known universe. Cartersville, Georgia Rednecks have you beat all to hell.
posted by Meg Kelso | 1:17 AM
2 Comments:
"Bored" does not equal "desperate". I have one question: what part of the evening was supposed to be scottish dancing? :)
LOL, that was Friday night at a church fellowhsip hall. THAT'S how I put my back out.
What a weekend!
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