My horoscope for today:

"Your feelings are rumbling beneath the surface now -- and there is something that you really want to say. You aren't, however, sure that your emotions are appropriate for public consumption. It's one thing for you to know what they are; it's entirely different if others get a glimpse into your subconscious desires and fears. Still, if you can muster the courage to share, you will be rewarded with the possibility of deepening your friendships."

I am not one to buy into all the horoscope stuff but damn, this one was right on target today. So, if I can "muster" the courage, I may get something out of this blog.

So, muster I shall.

Rick told me many things about his family and the things he told me should have been a warning, but what did I know then?

This is the story of Rick's family, as told to me by Rick:
His mother is an alcoholic, she came to visit us about 10 years ago and that was the first time I had met her. He told me she liked vodka so I bought a big bottle and all kinds of mixers as I didn't know how she liked her vodka. Upon her arrival, I offered her a drink. I asked what she wanted in it and she said, "Nothing." I made her a large vodka on the rocks which she downed in no time and then she handed me back the glass and said, "Leave out the ice this time."

I gave her our bed to sleep in as I didn't want her on the fold out couch in the living room. That would mean I would have had to tip toe around my house as she slept off her hangover. For the entire 3 weeks she was here, she stayed in my room, drinking and smoking to the point that we had to paint the room to get rid of the smell. Apparently, while she was in a drunken stupor, she stole a bunch of my shoes. I don't know why and I never found them, even after we moved. I will never know why she stole my shoes.

Rick told me that he always thought that Buck Hylton was his father. When he went to join the Marines, he found out there was no Rick Hylton. That was when he found out that his mother had lied about who his father was. She continues to allow her daughter to believe that Buck is her father as well. Rick's real father died before I found a relative from that side of his family so he never had the chance to meet his father. We learned that the man had tried numerous times to see his son, but like somany bitter women, the mother never allowed it, selfishness runs deeply in Rick's family. His sister may still have that chance if only her mother would give up the information. That is, of course, if she has a clue who the man was. She came and went, leaving Rick to be raised by the charmer mentioned above as she went out on her binges and drank everything she could and slept with anyone who wanted to sleep with her. For absolutely no reason at all, this woman never liked me, perhaps it was because I took her Little Ricky away from him. So anyway, she left often and left Rick to be raised by, according to Rick, a gun runner, a drug dealer and a pimp (all the same man). I felt sorry for him at the time but that was only because I thought he was an honorable man who had been through a lot and had learned from it. I was wrong, he did learn, but the wrong lesson. Rather than learn how to live a decent life, he learned that honor, fidelity and decency were OK, as long as they got him what he wanted. I thought he was sharing painful memories, but he was playing me like a piano.

He has passed this lesson on to his children. He thinks his son should leave his wife and take thier child. Rather than try to teach his kids decency and loyalty, he is teaching them what he believes: You stay as long as it is easy and feels good. When it gets hard and doesn't feel as good, take off.

His other son had a child with a married woman. Rick's kids have learned well from thier father. And, of that, I am sure he is truly proud. Like fake father, like fake son, like real father, like real son. There is not a soul in that family who knows how to live a life that would truly reward them in the end. They will all grow old lonely and miserable. And, most likely, very sorry and with no way to make up for the mistakes they made as they went through life. It would bother me if I thought anyone of them had a shred of decency, but as long as the generations of that family all take thier turn at jail time, breaking every promise they ever make along the way, treating people like disposable beings, all the time seeing the affect on the life of the father that raised them, I will not feel badly at all.