ON SECOND THOUGHT...
Rick HAS done some stupid things. I won't bother with the things that any wife would think were stupid, forgetting almost EVERY SINGLE anniversary, the skidmark crap (no pun intended) and the fact the he will only eat two vegetables and I would get sooooo sick of corn pea corn pea corn pea. Well, an occasional carrot would be slipped in but corn pea corn pea was the usual vegetable fare at my house. Oh, he DOES like radishes, but I don't.
I wanted to tell you about the IMMENSELY stupid things he has done. The first thing that comes to mind is the day he sliced up the cat. Gizmo has long gray hair and Rick didn't want to pay the $30 it cost to have the animal's hair clipped. When I came home, the cat had a baby blanket wrapped around his lower half. When I queried as to why, I was sort of told the story. He tried to cut the hair with scissors and had cut the cat "a little" instead. I knew that it would be worse than I had been led to believe (isn't it always when you are dealing with a liar?) so I took the baby blanket off and sure enough, there was a huge gash cut into the cat's side and a piece of cat skin was hanging out. I was the one who had to take the animal to the vet's office and explain that I was, in fact, married to a moron. And a cheap ass moron at that. What truly surprsied me was that, rather than call the SPCA on me, they said that many men do this to the cats. At least that's what the wives say when they bring the cats in for repair.
Going back a few years, 19 to be exact, (we sure can remember stuff, can't we?) Rick and I had decided, on a Saturday night, to make our relationship exclusive. We made a date for Monday night and said our good-byes. On Monday, my sister had a baby. I went to Rick's apartment as planned and asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital to see the baby before our date. As soon as I walked into Rick's place, he was strung out on the couch behaving as though he could hardly stay awake. He even made a couple of strong efforts to pull himself up only to fall back on the couch seemingly from exhaustion. I told him that he should get some sleep, and that we could go out some other time. As I was driving to the hospital alone, I stopped at a convenience store around the corner from Rick's apartment. As I was pulling back onto the road, who should pass me with a big, stupid grin on his face? Rick just couldn't wait to convince me he was exhausted so that he could get the heck out of Dodge. To this day, he says he doesn't remember where he was going...the shock of seeing me in my car knocked his memory out of whack. Yeah, right.
Rick is a bald man and bald men tend to have a lot of extraneous hair that grows in off the wall places. Like his uni-brow. One day he had me put Nair on the uni-brow thing and it burned his skin so badly he had a huge festering scab-like wound in between his eye-brows. I especially enjoy looking back on that as I now know that he was having me groom him for his mistress.
Now, I don't understand this one but I will do my best to explain it. Apparently, you are supposed to put the right color transmission fluid in a car, something about red or green. Well, Rick put the wrong kind in and gummed up the transmission on a $18,000.00 car and in doing so, he voided the warranty. He never got that fixed, he just told me to drive the car fast becuase if I didn't, it would overheat.
Of course, he left pieces of paper with his mistresses phone numbers lying around, he actually left thier phone numbers on redial and he left love letters for me to find. When I confronted him about them, he took the letters or phone numbers and said he didn't know what I was talking about, I must be crazy. Then he had me go to a doctor to deal with my "trust" issues. When the doctor said what was needed was marital counseling, he balked. And, as I wrote earlier, he called Pensacola Pepsi-Cola and Philadelphia he called PhiladeTHia. Of course I will never forget the day I came back from the store and found him masturbating to a sex channel that we didn't get. I almost felt sorry for him. He was so engrossed in trying to get a peek at the distorted scene that he didn't even notice me standing there until I laughed out loud.
You know, the Super Bowl is on and I am just getting started so I may have to get back to you or turn this post into a serial type thing, "Rick and the Stupid Things he has Done." Lord knows I could go on for a long, long, time.
Rick HAS done some stupid things. I won't bother with the things that any wife would think were stupid, forgetting almost EVERY SINGLE anniversary, the skidmark crap (no pun intended) and the fact the he will only eat two vegetables and I would get sooooo sick of corn pea corn pea corn pea. Well, an occasional carrot would be slipped in but corn pea corn pea was the usual vegetable fare at my house. Oh, he DOES like radishes, but I don't.
I wanted to tell you about the IMMENSELY stupid things he has done. The first thing that comes to mind is the day he sliced up the cat. Gizmo has long gray hair and Rick didn't want to pay the $30 it cost to have the animal's hair clipped. When I came home, the cat had a baby blanket wrapped around his lower half. When I queried as to why, I was sort of told the story. He tried to cut the hair with scissors and had cut the cat "a little" instead. I knew that it would be worse than I had been led to believe (isn't it always when you are dealing with a liar?) so I took the baby blanket off and sure enough, there was a huge gash cut into the cat's side and a piece of cat skin was hanging out. I was the one who had to take the animal to the vet's office and explain that I was, in fact, married to a moron. And a cheap ass moron at that. What truly surprsied me was that, rather than call the SPCA on me, they said that many men do this to the cats. At least that's what the wives say when they bring the cats in for repair.
Going back a few years, 19 to be exact, (we sure can remember stuff, can't we?) Rick and I had decided, on a Saturday night, to make our relationship exclusive. We made a date for Monday night and said our good-byes. On Monday, my sister had a baby. I went to Rick's apartment as planned and asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital to see the baby before our date. As soon as I walked into Rick's place, he was strung out on the couch behaving as though he could hardly stay awake. He even made a couple of strong efforts to pull himself up only to fall back on the couch seemingly from exhaustion. I told him that he should get some sleep, and that we could go out some other time. As I was driving to the hospital alone, I stopped at a convenience store around the corner from Rick's apartment. As I was pulling back onto the road, who should pass me with a big, stupid grin on his face? Rick just couldn't wait to convince me he was exhausted so that he could get the heck out of Dodge. To this day, he says he doesn't remember where he was going...the shock of seeing me in my car knocked his memory out of whack. Yeah, right.
Rick is a bald man and bald men tend to have a lot of extraneous hair that grows in off the wall places. Like his uni-brow. One day he had me put Nair on the uni-brow thing and it burned his skin so badly he had a huge festering scab-like wound in between his eye-brows. I especially enjoy looking back on that as I now know that he was having me groom him for his mistress.
Now, I don't understand this one but I will do my best to explain it. Apparently, you are supposed to put the right color transmission fluid in a car, something about red or green. Well, Rick put the wrong kind in and gummed up the transmission on a $18,000.00 car and in doing so, he voided the warranty. He never got that fixed, he just told me to drive the car fast becuase if I didn't, it would overheat.
Of course, he left pieces of paper with his mistresses phone numbers lying around, he actually left thier phone numbers on redial and he left love letters for me to find. When I confronted him about them, he took the letters or phone numbers and said he didn't know what I was talking about, I must be crazy. Then he had me go to a doctor to deal with my "trust" issues. When the doctor said what was needed was marital counseling, he balked. And, as I wrote earlier, he called Pensacola Pepsi-Cola and Philadelphia he called PhiladeTHia. Of course I will never forget the day I came back from the store and found him masturbating to a sex channel that we didn't get. I almost felt sorry for him. He was so engrossed in trying to get a peek at the distorted scene that he didn't even notice me standing there until I laughed out loud.
You know, the Super Bowl is on and I am just getting started so I may have to get back to you or turn this post into a serial type thing, "Rick and the Stupid Things he has Done." Lord knows I could go on for a long, long, time.
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:29 PM
3 Comments:
Meg,
You have probably heard that male baldness is a result of too much male hormone. So if Rick wants to keep what hair he has left, advise him that he should stop swallowing.
Good luck on Monday, -Marc
WAIT...let me see if I understand what you are saying...you mean the picture's not MEANT to be distorted? Sigh...
Between what Marc said (he is right, increased levels of testosterone will cause baldness) and the he/she thing, I am more puzzled than ever.
Meg
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