There once was a man named Rick
He had a freaky twisted small dick
His wife tried to teach him
But she just couldn't reach him
You'd think he'd at least learn to lick.

But Rick was not very bright
And nothing he did in bed was quite right
His wife was very frustrated
She thought he should just be castrated
As she lay there in bed every night.

He often played with his very own knob
Even though he could have had a great blow job
He had very odd views on sex
Blaming every little thing on his ex
Said she cheated on him with some guy named Bob.

Rick turned out to be a big fat liar
Can't get the truth out of him with a plyer
So his ex wife most likely was decent
He lied then and told more lies quite recent
And many illegitimate kids he did sire.

Now, the sex was not that big of a deal
But violence made him feel like a big wheel
He smacked his wife to feel like a man
He never learned how to wipe in the can
I guess he is just a big fat schlemiel.