Exclusivity was never brought up, but it seemed like it just was a given, with the notable exception of my ex-wife. I thought the wedding rings locked in exclusivity, but I guess I was wrong about that. ;-)
Yeah, you and I both. Funny how some people can speak those words, totally lying to everyone involved. People kind of plan their lives around a marriage. The destruction caused by those who lie can be immeasurable. I would feel really, really low if I were involved in the obliteration of a family. Very little else is as iniquitous. But you know, I wonder how much of this should be "a given". I bet it's something that she is wondering about too. If you find out, let me know.
Guys have to deal with a lot of rejection and/or possible rejection. Just because we have to deal with it doesn't mean we like it or are hardened against it, so we mitigate our risks as much as we can. We don't think about it, we just instinctively do it. It's like an emotional survival instinct.
Now, whoever accused you of thinking? LOL, just kidding. Yeah, I know that decent men can be as confused by all of this as decent women are. I think that most of the negative characteristics attributed to both men AND women are caused by instinctive behaviors that we have learned by years of trying to defend against hurt. I don’t think that most people are trying to cause pain, it just happens when somebody gets defensive. The only way I have ever found to consistently mitigate pain is to be honest. You really can’t be terribly accountable for another person’s feelings if you have been honest with them.
As badly as I feel when I have caused pain...I couldn’t imagine living with the guilt of purposely hurting another person. Isn’t it stunning how some people can be so cruel to others? That takes some hellacious rationalization and some serious anti-social tendencies. Even if I could convince myself that another person deserved it, I couldn’t convince myself that I am such a malevolent entity. I tend to think more of myself than that. As tough as it might be at some times to be totally honest, I won’t let someone else purloin my integrity. If someone is so terribly rotten that I could justify a certain behavior, they would be less worthy of my stooping to a lower level, not more so.
So, Guy, the fact that you even CONSIDER the foundations of your behavior tells me that you are a very considerate person. I’m pretty sure that’s what the word means. There are people who have let themselves be manipulated into feeling as though they are less than they really are. I was one of them, so I know how it feels to think that you are doing something wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on it. That’s because I really DIDN’T do anything wrong. I wasn’t perfect, but nothing changed except that he met a sleazy bimbo. (Of course, to hear him tell it, it’s just a coincidence that he became fed up with the marriage at the very same time he met her.)
So, we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves since so much of what we think of ourselves is based on somebody else’s perception. And, as you can see, other people see us the way they need to see us, not how we really are. Vex loved who I was at one point. But when he needed to see me as evil to justify his new sexual cohort, he did so. That’s when my self esteem plummeted. Now, how did I let that happen?
I know it wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t so sick, but I still let it happen enough for him to hit me more than once and that was unforgivably stupid of me. I will be living that one down for a very, very long time. How could I let my daughter see that? What kind of message was I sending to her and my sons?
See, you’ve got to CONSIDER these things when making decisions that affect the life of anyone but yourself. Not only did Vex behave in a manner that is generally considered to be vile and disgusting by most of society, he allowed other people to be his accomplices. That makes him rather inconsiderate, wouldn’t you say? Decent, everyday people shouldn’t be so hard on themselves. At least most of us do consider our behavior when we have a spare brain moment. But like he always said, he was thinking about “Nothing.”
Meg
Yeah, you and I both. Funny how some people can speak those words, totally lying to everyone involved. People kind of plan their lives around a marriage. The destruction caused by those who lie can be immeasurable. I would feel really, really low if I were involved in the obliteration of a family. Very little else is as iniquitous. But you know, I wonder how much of this should be "a given". I bet it's something that she is wondering about too. If you find out, let me know.
Guys have to deal with a lot of rejection and/or possible rejection. Just because we have to deal with it doesn't mean we like it or are hardened against it, so we mitigate our risks as much as we can. We don't think about it, we just instinctively do it. It's like an emotional survival instinct.
Now, whoever accused you of thinking? LOL, just kidding. Yeah, I know that decent men can be as confused by all of this as decent women are. I think that most of the negative characteristics attributed to both men AND women are caused by instinctive behaviors that we have learned by years of trying to defend against hurt. I don’t think that most people are trying to cause pain, it just happens when somebody gets defensive. The only way I have ever found to consistently mitigate pain is to be honest. You really can’t be terribly accountable for another person’s feelings if you have been honest with them.
As badly as I feel when I have caused pain...I couldn’t imagine living with the guilt of purposely hurting another person. Isn’t it stunning how some people can be so cruel to others? That takes some hellacious rationalization and some serious anti-social tendencies. Even if I could convince myself that another person deserved it, I couldn’t convince myself that I am such a malevolent entity. I tend to think more of myself than that. As tough as it might be at some times to be totally honest, I won’t let someone else purloin my integrity. If someone is so terribly rotten that I could justify a certain behavior, they would be less worthy of my stooping to a lower level, not more so.
So, Guy, the fact that you even CONSIDER the foundations of your behavior tells me that you are a very considerate person. I’m pretty sure that’s what the word means. There are people who have let themselves be manipulated into feeling as though they are less than they really are. I was one of them, so I know how it feels to think that you are doing something wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on it. That’s because I really DIDN’T do anything wrong. I wasn’t perfect, but nothing changed except that he met a sleazy bimbo. (Of course, to hear him tell it, it’s just a coincidence that he became fed up with the marriage at the very same time he met her.)
So, we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves since so much of what we think of ourselves is based on somebody else’s perception. And, as you can see, other people see us the way they need to see us, not how we really are. Vex loved who I was at one point. But when he needed to see me as evil to justify his new sexual cohort, he did so. That’s when my self esteem plummeted. Now, how did I let that happen?
I know it wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t so sick, but I still let it happen enough for him to hit me more than once and that was unforgivably stupid of me. I will be living that one down for a very, very long time. How could I let my daughter see that? What kind of message was I sending to her and my sons?
See, you’ve got to CONSIDER these things when making decisions that affect the life of anyone but yourself. Not only did Vex behave in a manner that is generally considered to be vile and disgusting by most of society, he allowed other people to be his accomplices. That makes him rather inconsiderate, wouldn’t you say? Decent, everyday people shouldn’t be so hard on themselves. At least most of us do consider our behavior when we have a spare brain moment. But like he always said, he was thinking about “Nothing.”
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:50 PM
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