Meg,
She is nuts about me. She has probably already called me, my cell battery is flat.I don't know what to say to her. Well, I know what I should say to her...But I'm going to find that awfully hard. I don't want to make her cry. But I'm sure I can't make her happy.
All the way home on the airplane from DC, I was thinking about writing about something the minute I walked in the door. But...then I saw this email from a buddy and had to respond immediately. I’ll get to the other stuff in a little while.
Yeah, honey, you do have an unpleasant chore on your hands. The only thing that you can do is soften the blow but I assure you, her behavior is a disaster waiting to happen. Seriously dude. I feel for her and I feel for you as well but her immediate infatuation is a HUGE red flag. She hasn’t known you long enough to be devastated by a break up and if she is, you need to get out as quickly as possible. If you enjoy her company, you can make it a little easier by just telling her that you really don’t have time in your life right now for anything more than a good friend. I hate to say this...I’m sure she is a very nice person...but I don’t think she is terribly stable if she would become emotional in front of you or over you this soon after meeting you. I have said many times, somewhere in this blog, that immediate infatuation is a bad, bad, evil, evil, sign. It doesn’t matter if it's a woman or a man, a person doesn't usually fall in love unilaterally that quickly. If you felt the same way about her as she does about you, it would make more sense because I have heard of love at first site. But when it’s so one-sided, I assure you, it is not a good sign of things to come.
So, how do you do it? Personally, I would say something like this:
"I enjoy your company, you are a lovely person and I am very glad to have met you. But it’s been 20 years for me and I need to proceed very cautiously. I would appreciate it if you would give me the time and space I need to handle this new twist in my life.”
A woman who truly cares about you, and not herself, will understand and respect your wishes. If she makes it difficult, you can always say:
"To be honest, your behavior is a sign that I am probably doing the right thing. I think you know it too."
And then walk away.
Short and sweet.
But, you know, if she does indeed care about you, she may impress you with her ability to deal with the situation and who knows? Maybe your feelings will change. It’s been known to happen. I couldn’t stand Vex when I met him. (Well, maybe that’s not as good of an example.)
Something that I found very helpful when trying to end a less than desirable relationship...distract your self. Find something fun to do and someone fun to do it with. Those dating site things are great for just having a nice dinner with someone who you have pretty well checked out (Checked out as well as you can check someone out online and on the phone. Save your address for very special people.). You could join a bowling league or volunteer at a nursing home or hospital. You’d be surprised at how many humans there are out there. Get yourself some.
By the way, I second this comment from Guy:
Don't offer to be friends unless you really mean it.
He is so right. There's nothing wrong with keeping her as a friend. But could she be your friend as you dated other women? You’ve got to do that sooner or later. Oh, and one more thing dude...you haven’t been out with a woman in 20 years and you heard me practically BEGGING for a date a while back and you never asked me? I’m dreadfully offended.
I’m eating an ice cream cone so I am typing with one hand. Actually, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Never had a lesson. Taught myself everything I know about typing. Talk about your fast peckers. Oh well, me and my ice cream cone will just answer some other folks that I adore:
I'm a volunteer cop (special constable - I have just blogged an explanation of what one is here:
http://specialcopper.blogspot.com/2005/06/why-so-special.html
in England. The Police in the UK are routinely not armed...We are just experiencing the "death by cop" phenomenon and the courts try to prosecute every officer that pulls the trigger. It is a little sad, but we have to move forward and stay accountable... How is your divorce?
So, two things. First, what do you guys think of unarmed cops? I gotta be honest, I’m kind of impressed that they aren’t all dead. So, do the bad guys ever use the guns on anybody other than themselves?
When you have a potential death by suicide occurring, I think about 20 cops need to spray the guy with some silly string. Now, just regular silly string would be no good. It would have to be really heavy duty silly string. Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. If anyone steals it, I am suing them.
And as for the divorce, I went in to sign another agreement that his attorney had drawn up. I was awarded $800 a month in alimony and they did the math wrong. Apparently, they multiplied 800 by twelve and divided that product by 52 and came up with something like $369. But the order said to be paid on the first and fifteenth and that’s NOT $800 a month. So my attorney told me not to sign it and I went home. That’s where that is. I guess someone will fix it soon.
I've never really assigned names to body parts, his or my own. Am I weird or just lacking in imagination?
I don’t know...how do you refer to them? Does anyone out there actually use the terms penis and vagina during intimate encounters with your spouse? I want to know. I don’t know why I want to know, I just do.
And one more thing before I post this and write about what I had intended to write about in the first place...all my best to Sweet, Sour, Donna and "Mr. Q". Purp, you crack me up.
Now, I’m going to write about what happened during my layover in DC.
I'll be right back.
Meg
She is nuts about me. She has probably already called me, my cell battery is flat.I don't know what to say to her. Well, I know what I should say to her...But I'm going to find that awfully hard. I don't want to make her cry. But I'm sure I can't make her happy.
All the way home on the airplane from DC, I was thinking about writing about something the minute I walked in the door. But...then I saw this email from a buddy and had to respond immediately. I’ll get to the other stuff in a little while.
Yeah, honey, you do have an unpleasant chore on your hands. The only thing that you can do is soften the blow but I assure you, her behavior is a disaster waiting to happen. Seriously dude. I feel for her and I feel for you as well but her immediate infatuation is a HUGE red flag. She hasn’t known you long enough to be devastated by a break up and if she is, you need to get out as quickly as possible. If you enjoy her company, you can make it a little easier by just telling her that you really don’t have time in your life right now for anything more than a good friend. I hate to say this...I’m sure she is a very nice person...but I don’t think she is terribly stable if she would become emotional in front of you or over you this soon after meeting you. I have said many times, somewhere in this blog, that immediate infatuation is a bad, bad, evil, evil, sign. It doesn’t matter if it's a woman or a man, a person doesn't usually fall in love unilaterally that quickly. If you felt the same way about her as she does about you, it would make more sense because I have heard of love at first site. But when it’s so one-sided, I assure you, it is not a good sign of things to come.
So, how do you do it? Personally, I would say something like this:
"I enjoy your company, you are a lovely person and I am very glad to have met you. But it’s been 20 years for me and I need to proceed very cautiously. I would appreciate it if you would give me the time and space I need to handle this new twist in my life.”
A woman who truly cares about you, and not herself, will understand and respect your wishes. If she makes it difficult, you can always say:
"To be honest, your behavior is a sign that I am probably doing the right thing. I think you know it too."
And then walk away.
Short and sweet.
But, you know, if she does indeed care about you, she may impress you with her ability to deal with the situation and who knows? Maybe your feelings will change. It’s been known to happen. I couldn’t stand Vex when I met him. (Well, maybe that’s not as good of an example.)
Something that I found very helpful when trying to end a less than desirable relationship...distract your self. Find something fun to do and someone fun to do it with. Those dating site things are great for just having a nice dinner with someone who you have pretty well checked out (Checked out as well as you can check someone out online and on the phone. Save your address for very special people.). You could join a bowling league or volunteer at a nursing home or hospital. You’d be surprised at how many humans there are out there. Get yourself some.
By the way, I second this comment from Guy:
Don't offer to be friends unless you really mean it.
He is so right. There's nothing wrong with keeping her as a friend. But could she be your friend as you dated other women? You’ve got to do that sooner or later. Oh, and one more thing dude...you haven’t been out with a woman in 20 years and you heard me practically BEGGING for a date a while back and you never asked me? I’m dreadfully offended.
I’m eating an ice cream cone so I am typing with one hand. Actually, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Never had a lesson. Taught myself everything I know about typing. Talk about your fast peckers. Oh well, me and my ice cream cone will just answer some other folks that I adore:
I'm a volunteer cop (special constable - I have just blogged an explanation of what one is here:
http://specialcopper.blogspot.com/2005/06/why-so-special.html
in England. The Police in the UK are routinely not armed...We are just experiencing the "death by cop" phenomenon and the courts try to prosecute every officer that pulls the trigger. It is a little sad, but we have to move forward and stay accountable... How is your divorce?
So, two things. First, what do you guys think of unarmed cops? I gotta be honest, I’m kind of impressed that they aren’t all dead. So, do the bad guys ever use the guns on anybody other than themselves?
When you have a potential death by suicide occurring, I think about 20 cops need to spray the guy with some silly string. Now, just regular silly string would be no good. It would have to be really heavy duty silly string. Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. If anyone steals it, I am suing them.
And as for the divorce, I went in to sign another agreement that his attorney had drawn up. I was awarded $800 a month in alimony and they did the math wrong. Apparently, they multiplied 800 by twelve and divided that product by 52 and came up with something like $369. But the order said to be paid on the first and fifteenth and that’s NOT $800 a month. So my attorney told me not to sign it and I went home. That’s where that is. I guess someone will fix it soon.
I've never really assigned names to body parts, his or my own. Am I weird or just lacking in imagination?
I don’t know...how do you refer to them? Does anyone out there actually use the terms penis and vagina during intimate encounters with your spouse? I want to know. I don’t know why I want to know, I just do.
And one more thing before I post this and write about what I had intended to write about in the first place...all my best to Sweet, Sour, Donna and "Mr. Q". Purp, you crack me up.
Now, I’m going to write about what happened during my layover in DC.
I'll be right back.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 2:20 PM
8 Comments:
Usually I refer to my own parts with the usually "naughty" terms, boobs and pussy... I'm usually a pretty bashful person about sex, so there's some added excitement in my perceived "being naughty" same goes for him. I had heard about people who named their body parts, and I thought, "How strange!" Come to find out its very common. Why am I alway the last to know these things?!
That's so funny, I feel the same way about so many things but I seem to rememberthat my very first "relationship" invloved the baptizing of Mr. Happy. I didn't think about the words you used, yeah, I use them most of the time. I think that terms like "The one'eyed wonder worm" are reserved for special occasions, LOL.
Meg
Thanks so much for your response, Meg. I've been watching for it, but Blogspot was having a "senior moment"...
READERS, DO YOU KNOW THIS? Tech support here. If you look at this blog (or any blog) and you are surprised that it hasn't been updated lately, there may be a caching problem... don't bother about the details of what that is, just hold down the CTRL key and click the browser's REFRESH button... and hey yeah Meg answered me... hours ago.
Yeah, this server has it's problems. I assume they all do. Sometimes I panic when I can't get my posts up but I've been doing it so long now, I just kind of expect the little bugs. I didn't know that YOU were having trouble with it as well.
Meg
OK, I want to discuss this relationship some more... In fact, most of the real-life people I could conceivably discuss it with are also intimate friends of my ex... and I don't feel comfortable about that. I prefer not to discuss my dating problems with my inner circle until I've got something to show for it... is that childish?
Anyway...
Yes the infatuation thing was a danger signal for me too : after an on-line chat she started sending me emails dripping with hearts and flowers... and being hurt when I didn't respond quick enough. I considered telling her to back off, but at the same time I liked her... and I need the practice... so I decided to give us a chance.
Not an auspicious start perhaps. And I was surprised the evening went so well. We were completely open with each other, strengths and weaknesses. She is quite assertive, and managed to overcome my shyness so that it hardly even showed, without being aggressive either.
She's been living alone with her 11 year old daughter for a few years now. She was made redundant after 20 years as a designer in textiles, but she has found a vocation working with mentally handicapped people -- she enjoys it, and apparently she's very good at it.
She's in a very vulnerable period : she's been out of work for a couple of months, and for infuriating administrative reasons she can't have that job back until October. Apart from the mental stress of being unemployed, she only has about $700 a month to live on.
So that may well contribute subconsciously to the infatuation, on her part. And makes me feel worse about using her to practise on...
So, how do I know that she's not for me? Maybe I could grow to love her. But that's unfamiliar ground for me : I have never been in love with someone I didn't fall for at first meeting. And I don't want to tie her up in a relationship I don't believe in.
And this nagging feeling : if it's this easy... I can find a better match! I may fall victim to the syndrome (to quote Woody Allen quoting Groucho Marx) "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would accept ME as a member!"
Oh. Speaking of members, a parting shot :
Talk about your fast peckers.
... are you really sure you want to hear about mine?
Oh! I didn't expect you at this hour... I got lucky.
I had to catch such an early flight that I was exhausted yesterday and went to bed at 9. By 6, I had more sleep than I usually get in any two nights.
See ya later on the front page.
Meg
Something that I found very helpful when trying to end a less than desirable relationship...distract your self.
Believe me, I am already busy... to distraction. Working on redefining my career at the moment, which has led to taking on extra work. Laying concrete. Trying to keep fit, and to keep in touch with my friends.
And, although I am anxious about this relationship stuff, it does my self-esteem a lot of good to know that I exist as a man, in a woman's eyes...
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