OK, I’m back…

…I hear they are about to try Saddam (or not, depending on the source). I had almost forgotten about him. The big prize in the war on terror and what a pathetic figure he is. Perhaps we should save a few hundred million dollars and let him go.

I somehow think that the pictures of him climbing out of that hole in the ground would negate any credibility that he ever had. I could be wrong. Those folks do fall for the 72 virgin BS. Maybe he could bedazzle them and begin again.

Personally, I would ask for a little bit more than 72 virgins before I blew myself up. Even from a guy’s point of view, you’re pretty much out of virgins within 3 months. I would think that it would take about 132 years before you even began to realize just how long you’ll be spending where ever it is you go. Even a virgin can get a little annoying after 50 or 60 years. Hell, most men don’t keep a woman anywhere near that long. Especially when you consider that they stopped being a virgin shortly after you arrived. Oh well, at least the bomb kills them quickly.

Oh, does anyone know where they got the 72 from? Is there some Muslem significance to that number? Just curious.

Eternity. Can you imagine? That’s more than that “til death to you part” crap. Eternity. I’d have to ask for at least a thousand men. And I don’t even care if they aren’t virgins. As a matter of fact, I don’t want any virgins at all. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it's just that I'm not a teacher.

Yep.

One thousand EXPERIENCED men.

And they'd have to be all MINE.

For eternity.

They would each have a purpose. I could have some dudes who like to make beer and some others who like to clean house. One would have to be a bouncer and another would have to rub my back. I’d need a decorator and a couturier. Oh…and someone to do my hair. He could even have the decorator all to himself every few hundred years if he wanted him. The rest of the time he would be all mine.

Of course, there would have to be good food and sparkling water. In my eternity, I expect obnoxious movie star treatment. Love me, love me, love me.

I’d expect somebody to find a planet with better food so I’d need a Carl Sagan type of guy. Actually, the entire cast of Star Wars should be there, except of course for Leah, my eternity will not include any other women. Of course, I’d like a phone so that I could check out my friends’ eternity. But I don’t want them to live in mine. Sooner or later, another woman would screw one of my men and I’d have to have the sniper dude shoot her. Even the most well intentioned woman can only say no to 1,000 men for so long. There’s no way she could deny herself for eternity. Oh, Star Wars, I don't want any of those little hairy dudes from Return of the Jedi but I wouldn't dismiss the Wookie out of hand.

And there’d be NO LYING in my eternity! That would be grounds for dismissal to Joan Rivers’ eternity.

Oh, I’d need a fisher guy to bait my hook and take the fish off the line for me, if I ever caught one. Of course, someone would have to clean and cook the damn thing. I'd even have one guy who's job it is just to make onion rings. That would be my way of keeping Vex out, I doubt the restraining order would work although I would have some cops there as well. If Vex did get past the onions, I'd have the cop dudes beat the crap out of him for about two millenia. There are so many different things to be done, I could keep them all busy for eternity. Oh yes I could.

Now, promise me all of that, and I might consider strapping some explosives on my chest, but barring a really, really good deal, I’ll just stay here and see what planet earth has to offer in the way of men.

So, far, they seem to be pretty nice, but I haven’t found one that I would even consider keeping around for more than a couple of weeks. But, don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying the search. It’s like a pinball game where you hit a target and a guy takes you out to dinner. You hit another and they take you dancing. Every so often, one of them blows up in my face but so far, I have been hitting almost exclusively good targets.

I have an unlimited number of balls with which to play my game and I don’t feel like stopping yet. If I hit a keeper, (and NO, you anonymous twit, Vex is NOT a keeper…he called me his little Honeybuns…do we really want to go on about the past?) I’ll consider stopping the game for awhile.

But I will be keeping all of my balls, just in case.

Meg