Well, I made that fake profile…
….and I’ve had far too many responses, it was so much fun that I just kept on reading them. One dude has me wondering if he is a cop in disguise attempting to catch a Nabokov-like Humbert character (look it up) attempting to snare a nubile young LolitO. He offered himself up to me as a young man who “liked older women”. Just what we all want to hear, right? He offered to meet me near his home town of Warner-Robbins Georgia. When I told him that if he was going to nab any “older” women, he would have to do a little bit more work and not have her “lift a finger” to “escort” him, he said:
i totally understand where you are coming from....sorry...its just that im new here and have no idea where marietta is...and no clue how to get there...only place i know is macon....i guess i could find out how to get to marietta and drive down there...but id need to know that you would actually meet me when i came down there. i really wanna meet you, and if it means going to marietta, then so be it...but it would really help if i could meet you somewhere or something...plus im new and living with my mom for a little bit and she is gonna wanna know where im going, and i obviously cant tell her im meeting you...i could say im going to the mall and she would believe me...id love to meet you, but would you like to meet me is the question...?
So…poor little dude is worried about Mommy so I responded:
I would but I have a problem meeting someone who has to lie to their mother. You shouldn't ever do that.
Now, shouldn’t that be the end of it? Right? Nope.
so...do understand that it would be hard telling my mom im meeting with you...the thing is, i really wanna meet with you. and ive pretty much proven that im not great at conveying my point across internet and stuff...in person i would be able to explain things more thouroughly...and you can help me with tryin to impress older women, b/c thats what i want...not someone my age...an older woman who knows what shes doing...thing is ive never had a chance and am new to all of this...you would be the first, and really wanna follow through with meeting you...help me out a little on this...meeting you in macon would be perfect, but if not...i could make the trip to marietta...so what do you say...feel like meeting me sometime? when will you be free? because im not gonna walk away from this not having met you, ive made up my mind on that....i will meet you someday, and someday soon hopefully...
I believe that I am being stalked by a munchkin. Just a wee one, a little tiny child-munchkin.
It’s Saturday night so maybe you’ll appreciate this, I have been sipping mango flavored vodka and OJ so this shit is really funny to me right now. I don’t know how it will sound come Monday morning…but at 1:41 am on …well, OK…Sunday morning…it’s pretty frickin’ funny to me.
Oh…while I’m being tipsy, I might as well let you in on a little secret of mine….I'm a bitch.
Oh well, I am gonna go have a tad of fun.
I might even tell you about it someday.
Or not.
Meg
By the way, I am not really a bitch, I am just...well...having fun. It's Saturday night...Sunday morning, who cares, it's that time of the weekend. I'm listening to When Doves Cry and now I am sad...oh well. Aw crap...I should just go to bed...good night. Thank God for spell check. See ya later. Oh, one more thing, if you drink mango or coconut flavored vodka mixed with OJ...you don't have a hangover...or so I've been told.
….and I’ve had far too many responses, it was so much fun that I just kept on reading them. One dude has me wondering if he is a cop in disguise attempting to catch a Nabokov-like Humbert character (look it up) attempting to snare a nubile young LolitO. He offered himself up to me as a young man who “liked older women”. Just what we all want to hear, right? He offered to meet me near his home town of Warner-Robbins Georgia. When I told him that if he was going to nab any “older” women, he would have to do a little bit more work and not have her “lift a finger” to “escort” him, he said:
i totally understand where you are coming from....sorry...its just that im new here and have no idea where marietta is...and no clue how to get there...only place i know is macon....i guess i could find out how to get to marietta and drive down there...but id need to know that you would actually meet me when i came down there. i really wanna meet you, and if it means going to marietta, then so be it...but it would really help if i could meet you somewhere or something...plus im new and living with my mom for a little bit and she is gonna wanna know where im going, and i obviously cant tell her im meeting you...i could say im going to the mall and she would believe me...id love to meet you, but would you like to meet me is the question...?
So…poor little dude is worried about Mommy so I responded:
I would but I have a problem meeting someone who has to lie to their mother. You shouldn't ever do that.
Now, shouldn’t that be the end of it? Right? Nope.
so...do understand that it would be hard telling my mom im meeting with you...the thing is, i really wanna meet with you. and ive pretty much proven that im not great at conveying my point across internet and stuff...in person i would be able to explain things more thouroughly...and you can help me with tryin to impress older women, b/c thats what i want...not someone my age...an older woman who knows what shes doing...thing is ive never had a chance and am new to all of this...you would be the first, and really wanna follow through with meeting you...help me out a little on this...meeting you in macon would be perfect, but if not...i could make the trip to marietta...so what do you say...feel like meeting me sometime? when will you be free? because im not gonna walk away from this not having met you, ive made up my mind on that....i will meet you someday, and someday soon hopefully...
I believe that I am being stalked by a munchkin. Just a wee one, a little tiny child-munchkin.
It’s Saturday night so maybe you’ll appreciate this, I have been sipping mango flavored vodka and OJ so this shit is really funny to me right now. I don’t know how it will sound come Monday morning…but at 1:41 am on …well, OK…Sunday morning…it’s pretty frickin’ funny to me.
Oh…while I’m being tipsy, I might as well let you in on a little secret of mine….I'm a bitch.
Oh well, I am gonna go have a tad of fun.
I might even tell you about it someday.
Or not.
Meg
By the way, I am not really a bitch, I am just...well...having fun. It's Saturday night...Sunday morning, who cares, it's that time of the weekend. I'm listening to When Doves Cry and now I am sad...oh well. Aw crap...I should just go to bed...good night. Thank God for spell check. See ya later. Oh, one more thing, if you drink mango or coconut flavored vodka mixed with OJ...you don't have a hangover...or so I've been told.
posted by Meg Kelso | 10:49 PM
10 Comments:
I saw your faked up profile, I'd recognize that ass anywhere!
But really, it's just way too tame, I was expecting lots more. You should spice it up a good bit. Nothing overt, just allude to all the kink you're willing to do and what and how much it takes to get you there.
Maybe the loyal here could give a few suggestions.
I'll start. Former porn actress, now Sex Worker advocacy group president.
Woo! For once a slightly intelligent insult. Hope you didn't have to strain too hard.
It doesn't sound like an insult to me and I didn't mean for it to be taken as one when I posted it. She's having a little fun with the ad and i think spicing it up some will really bring out the freaks.
BTW....square1 just what is it you found that you think is insulting?
Yeah...I got it. I knew it was a tad tame...but I didn't know how to spice it up much more...you have given me some ideas and when I get back to my own private puter...I am gonna do it.
BTW...Square, I love ya!
Meg
Melanie,
Nice to meetcha!
I am as sick as a dog today, I thought it was just a hangover but it has turned into a hideous head cold so I am not very funny today but the fake profile is at plentyoffish.com and there are a few pics of the Vexter on this thing. I think there is one in May's archive, go there and scroll down until you see a huge, nasty, funky-mouthed bald dude. That would be him.
I'll be checking out your blog when it doesn't hurt my brain to see.
Thanks for writing and I'll see you soon!
Meg
Apologies to the first anonymous commenter. I think I misunderstood what you were saying. I hadn't had my daily dose of caffeine so it's really impossible to perceive what I was thinking unless n that state again. I'll see if I can get there tomorrow and let you know.
Well, Guy, apparently, I drank too much...or the fool lied. I was sick as a dog yesterday, one of those, "I'm never drikning again in my life" hangovers. It should take me 6 months to forget this one, LOL.
Meg
The only alcohol that doesn't give you a hangover is alcohol that is seriously diluted.
Oh, while we are on the hangover subject, many doctors have told me that there are 5 things that you need to help a hangover:
1. caffeine
2. aspirin
3. water (the night before and the morning of)
4. vitamin C
5. sugar
That should do it. Especially if you take the water and the aspirin before you go to bed.
Meggers
Meg,
My brother always swore by Alka-Seltzer Plus cold medicine as a cure for a hangover.
Anne
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