OK...

...how’s your weekend going? I hope you aren’t near that escaped murderer dude. Man, I hope I’m not near him either. I’m not sure where I would go if I had just escaped from prison from Texas but I guess Mexico would be my first thought. I wouldn’t stay there, I’d probably head down to Belize. I’ve heard people say that Belize is the place to go if you want to hide from anyone.

I don’t speak much Spanish, but between high school and Pulp Fiction, I could probably find the bathroom and the shoe store. Of all the languages that I could have learned, I don’t know why I chose Spanish. I should have chosen something cool like French. I don’t speak French at all except to say “Hello” and “Good-bye” and jambon et frommage which is ham and cheese. I figured out that no matter what they say, French food sucks and if I just order ham and cheese, I can avoid any surprise snails.

I never saw any grits in Europe, but they do put potato patties on the Whoppers at their Burger Kings and I think that’s a bit odd, don’t you? Odder still, you can’t get them with breakfast, just on a hamburger.
The food was so bad in Europe that I just went to a bunch of Burger Kings and MacDonald’s. It’s so weird to see people working at MacDonald’s that aren’t Americans. They still screw up the orders, they just do it in another language.

Although I did enjoy my trip to Europe, I’m a little annoyed that I had to go with Rick. I would have preferred to be on my own. One guy told me “Au revior!” and I wanted to do him right there. I was never as sorry to be married as I was that moment.

Those French dudes barely have to try at all, just the fact that they’re French dudes is enough. That wonderful accent is impossible to resist and I think I’m gonna go and get myself one of them someday.

I think that every young woman should go to Europe without a man sometime in her life. You can do whatever you want and no one will ever be the wiser. Yep, I may not be terribly young, but there is no way that I would go there alone and not create a few secrets to take to my grave. I would die happy thinking about some guy named Pierre who I met under the Eiffel Tower.

Next time I go there, I’m taking the elevator. For some stupid reason, I decided to walk down last time and halfway down, the flood lights came on and blinded me. I almost fell off the damn thing.

Well, without going into the details, yesterday I got lucky with a police officer. Not in the biblical sense, he just left without asking me any questions except why did I try to turn left in front of him when he had the right of way. I knew he was there, I just get stupid when cops are around and I’m not even sure why that is. There were two of them and they both took off, leaving me standing there in the street by myself. I thought he was just turning around, but he disappeared and I decided that I would have to be an idiot to stay there so I booked myself.

Then, I spent the day feeling like a fugitive until I called to see if there was an APB out for me and there wasn’t. They just thought of something more important to do so they left me standing there like an idiot. Well, an idiot would have waited for them to come back so I guess I wasn’t really an idiot but I did feel pretty silly making that bonehead move in front of the cop.

And, now...I have to leave the house again. Sometimes I think I should just turn myself in before I do anything else so incredibly imprudent.
OK...I’m gonna go try it again. If I’m not back before the end of the day, please send help.

Meg