Good morning!

I hobbled out of bed a while ago and unless I'm way wrong, and I hope to God that I am, I am hobbling on a broken hip. I'm pretty damned sure of it. But, I'm also pretty damned sure that if I were to go to the hospital, they wouldn't let me go home and that's a problem.

Oh, I'm positive that they'd let me go sooner or later, but before they did, they would want to slice my hip open and fix the sucker and I am SO not in the mood for that. Nor am I ready to eat gelatinous fruit cocktail.

Hey! I always said that I couldn't wait to be an old lady so that I could act nuts and get away with it. I should probably hurry up and do that soon. 25% of people 50 and over die within a year of breaking a hip. This may be my last chance. With all the other stupid shit that's happened to me, this could be interesting. I had a feeling that 2009 would be a special year for me...but death never occurred to me when I was wondering what this next year would hold for me. Oh well, if so, let this be the beginning of the death blog.

I could almost just give up and go to the ER but I have a date tonight that I was really looking forward to. Now, if he would come and sit by me in the hospital, I could handle it, I do so hate to miss our time together. I really need someone to hug and he's a good hugger. But I couldn't ask someone to come sit in a chair and watch TV in a hospital room.

I was thinking about how I could have done this to myself and there are three options. I mentioned one of them on this blog...it was when I was walking my dog. He tugged on the leash at the exact same time that I lost my footing on some wet leaves. Neither event would have made me fall...but the two together guaranteed that I would go down. That day my right knee took the hit so it would be easy to see how that could jam up into the hip. But it doesn't explain why it took so long to start hurting.

Then, I was walking off of a porch without my glasses and I didn't see the last step so I went down and landed on my backside. That could have done it as well. The x-rays should tell which, if either of those things did. But that time, my arm hit the step and distracted me from any other pain. For a moment, I was pretty sure that I had broken my arm. Anyway, the first time my knee hurt like that, I didn't notice anything else.

I hate it when I break.

So...are any of you guys up for sending me flowers? I probably won't have any visitors so if you can...DO send flowers so the nurses don't think that I have no friends at all. I happen to know that the majority of nurses today take care of the people who's friends and family bitch the most. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Luckily, being a nurse myself, I know how to efficiently get the attention of the nursing staff. And...in case you feel a need to voice a concern should you require hospitalization, pick up the phone and ask the operator to get you the "House Supervisor". There is ALWAYS one nurse who goes around solving problems. I used to do that myself as an Assistant Director of Nursing. THAT'S the person who can effect change quickly...remember that. Ah. Someone, somewhere, sometime will be unhappy that I mentioned that. But trust me, if you need it, it's excellent advice.

OK...back to MEEEEEE!!!

It seems as though I am cryptic without knowing it. Apparently, it's difficult to tell when I'm being "negative". I don't know why, I think I pretty much say it like it is. If I were annoyed, I would discuss the annoyance, not make jokes about it.

For those who don't know how to tell when I'm kidding or not, I'll make it easy for you. If I'm bitching about something stupid, I'm kidding. But, if my problem is a legitimate one (perceived or otherwise), then you can pretty well assume that I'm serious. See? It's REALLY, REALLY that simple. Put that in your hair and comb it.

OK...I just got up to go get something and I am not...how do you say this...ambulatory. This is not good. I'll be in touch when I can get to a computer. Oh, if anyone near Marietta wants to visit me and bring a lap top so that I could post...or take dictation, ya'll'd be welcome...ya' hear?

I can't think of anyone who would come visit me and that's pretty sad. Pretty much everyone I know is out of state.

Before I go, I wanted to say something...I seem to have forgotten what it was. Oh yeah! I was thinking that now would not be a very good time to act old lady silly. That combined with a broken hip could get you a 10-13 and a trip to a nursing home...perhaps even in a unit for "wanderers". That's a nice way of saying "rather confused but wtill able to walk". In other words, the crazy old people. I do so adore them, they're so unpredicatble. I can see myself being a wanderer. At least long enough to hang out with some other wanderers! I'd be the smartest wanderer there. I could form an army...or maybe just a really sharp squad of wanderers. We could run special ops.

You know what? I'm pretty sure that the next place that I sit down is where the ambulance will have to pick me up from and although I'd rather lie down in the living room, the phone is way back in my bedroom. So, I guess I have to go there.

See ya soon.