I think I've found the perfect job...
...but I don't know where to apply. It seems as though the government is hiring pleasant, funny people to walk around offices and make people smile. Doesn't that sound perfect? I've been told that I'm funny and I bet if I tried hard enough, I could be pleasant.
I need a job really, really badly and a government job is as good as any other job...right? I'm not sure what the position is called but 'Office Clown' sounds relatively descriptive. I've taken on that role under other job descriptions to some degree of success and I think I'd enjoy tackling it as a full time job. I've always been the type who would rather chit chat with co-workers than actually work anyway so this wouldn't take much of an effort on my part.
Also, I would think that I could truly excel as the Office Clown and that I would probably move rapidly up the ladder of success. With my saucy wit, I bet I could be Obama's Clown Czar inside of a month. What power THAT would entail! I would never have to sit in front of a group of Senators and talk for 3 days without saying a thing nor would I have to discuss Gilligan's Island with Al Franken. (But, if I DID, I would remember everything about any episode that he could think of.) I have just the right life experiences and background to be a powerful person in DC. Certainly, a sarcastic Irish woman as myself would be able to tackle the role better than a middle aged white guy like Franken.
Being a woman, I can mock both sexes without being politically incorrect. And after being around for so long, I can remember when there was no such thing as political correctedness so I've got a BUNCH of racist jokes tucked away just in case they come back into vogue. Oh, I'd even be "administration friendly" to Obama...I'm honestly beginning to take a hankerin' to Joe Biden. He endears himself to me more every time he opens his mouth.
I'm divorced so there's no man around here to suck my brains out. I've learned so much since I've been single again that I bet I could even change a tire on the President's car...if all the men on the planet suddenly dropped dead and big butch lesbian chicks refused to do it. (I'm pretty sure I could do it...I've seen it done numerous times already.) I haven't had to sit through a Jackie Chan movie in years so my cerebral functioning is rather fine tuned and I think that I've been a bit more alert ever since I've stopped needing as much bleach to keep things from getting funky around the house. I doubt that I'd be half as wise as I am if were still busy finding long dark hairs on my husband's clothing on a daily basis.
Oh! My father is an attorney and my youngest son graduated from law school last May so I won't need to waste taxpayer's money when I get sued for ethics violations. That means I won't have to quit halfway through my term and leave everyone wondering when I'll pop up as a regular on Fox News.
Don't forget that I AM a female so I'm already coy and manipulative...something that seems to help in Washington. Of course, I don't have a penis so I won't be as assertive as Hillary but remember, I won't be as horny as Bill either. And at my age, I have fewer hormones surging through my brain so I'm usually pretty sharp and much less unreasonable than your average chick.
Anyway, I'd really like one of these jobs so if anyone out there has a clue what I need to do to apply, please let me know. I mock people regularly and if I do say so myself, I'm pretty darned good at it. I make ME laugh and I'm not an easy sell. Between me, Biden and Franken, I think that we could have the entire government AND Obama's constituency in stitches until 2016. Imagine all the crazy legislation you could pass while everyone is laughing!
...but I don't know where to apply. It seems as though the government is hiring pleasant, funny people to walk around offices and make people smile. Doesn't that sound perfect? I've been told that I'm funny and I bet if I tried hard enough, I could be pleasant.
I need a job really, really badly and a government job is as good as any other job...right? I'm not sure what the position is called but 'Office Clown' sounds relatively descriptive. I've taken on that role under other job descriptions to some degree of success and I think I'd enjoy tackling it as a full time job. I've always been the type who would rather chit chat with co-workers than actually work anyway so this wouldn't take much of an effort on my part.
Also, I would think that I could truly excel as the Office Clown and that I would probably move rapidly up the ladder of success. With my saucy wit, I bet I could be Obama's Clown Czar inside of a month. What power THAT would entail! I would never have to sit in front of a group of Senators and talk for 3 days without saying a thing nor would I have to discuss Gilligan's Island with Al Franken. (But, if I DID, I would remember everything about any episode that he could think of.) I have just the right life experiences and background to be a powerful person in DC. Certainly, a sarcastic Irish woman as myself would be able to tackle the role better than a middle aged white guy like Franken.
Being a woman, I can mock both sexes without being politically incorrect. And after being around for so long, I can remember when there was no such thing as political correctedness so I've got a BUNCH of racist jokes tucked away just in case they come back into vogue. Oh, I'd even be "administration friendly" to Obama...I'm honestly beginning to take a hankerin' to Joe Biden. He endears himself to me more every time he opens his mouth.
I'm divorced so there's no man around here to suck my brains out. I've learned so much since I've been single again that I bet I could even change a tire on the President's car...if all the men on the planet suddenly dropped dead and big butch lesbian chicks refused to do it. (I'm pretty sure I could do it...I've seen it done numerous times already.) I haven't had to sit through a Jackie Chan movie in years so my cerebral functioning is rather fine tuned and I think that I've been a bit more alert ever since I've stopped needing as much bleach to keep things from getting funky around the house. I doubt that I'd be half as wise as I am if were still busy finding long dark hairs on my husband's clothing on a daily basis.
Oh! My father is an attorney and my youngest son graduated from law school last May so I won't need to waste taxpayer's money when I get sued for ethics violations. That means I won't have to quit halfway through my term and leave everyone wondering when I'll pop up as a regular on Fox News.
Don't forget that I AM a female so I'm already coy and manipulative...something that seems to help in Washington. Of course, I don't have a penis so I won't be as assertive as Hillary but remember, I won't be as horny as Bill either. And at my age, I have fewer hormones surging through my brain so I'm usually pretty sharp and much less unreasonable than your average chick.
Anyway, I'd really like one of these jobs so if anyone out there has a clue what I need to do to apply, please let me know. I mock people regularly and if I do say so myself, I'm pretty darned good at it. I make ME laugh and I'm not an easy sell. Between me, Biden and Franken, I think that we could have the entire government AND Obama's constituency in stitches until 2016. Imagine all the crazy legislation you could pass while everyone is laughing!
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:40 AM
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