Hello, I've been reading this for a little while now. I just wanted to say that it has helped give me the strength to leave my ex-as-of-last-night fiance. He is very verbally abuse towards me, calling me fat and whatnot, even when I was pregnant. Oh, and he decided to tell me, a year and a half later after the incident(s?), while I was pregnant, that he cheated on me. I lost the baby and all, but I know that's for the best.Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for helping to save me from what could have been a very miserable marriage!
Well, if the only I ever accomplish with this thing is to save one person from a life of hell, I am happy.
Now, I don’t know whether or not abusive women follow the same pattern as abusive men but the pattern that the men follow is very predictable and can be hard to resist. That is, if you have low self esteem. And somehow, they seem to know who the women with low self esteem are. If by some chance you DO have a shred of self esteem left, they will call you names and try to be sure that you will never feel as though you could do any better. A man who loves a woman tells her how wonderful she is, not how fat she is. PERIOD.
The initial behavior is very hard to resist. They tell you they love you before they could possibly even know you. They never end the first date, coming over every single day and calling when they don’t come over. A woman with low self esteem could have a hard time resisting that. That’s how it starts.
Next, they have somehow gotten you to stop seeing your friends. Usually, they tell you that your friends are “sluts” or some such crap and they would be happy if you would just stay home with them. A healthy relationship is like two circles that overlap. But, part of each circle should have its’ own space. So many women will stop seeing their friends when they meet a new man. It may seem so sweet in the early phase of a relationship but it is stupid. And that is because, sooner or later, you WILL want to go out with your friends. And then, you are in trouble. An abusive man will see this as a step backwards in a relationship and he will assume that you have a new man. Why else would you suddenly want to go out without him? You have let his circle overlap yours and you have left yourself no space at all.
I had a man get jealous of a book I couldn’t put down. An abusive man wants you to be totally under their control, and waiting at their beck and call. They can even seem so loving but if they wore a big “I ABUSE WOMEN” sign, they would never get a date. So, they know how to charm you, and quickly. And then you have forgotten about the guy you met two weeks ago and take off with the new one because the other one didn’t call you enough. Well, THAT was the normal man. He has a life and is taking care to keep it healthy and happy. Healthy relationships don’t usually start off like a ball of fire, they take time to nurture and grow. But they are infinitely more worth it. There is nothing like having a friendship that slowly develops over time into something really wonderful. Never feel like you have to jump on the one that seems to easy to grab hold of. There IS a reason he is so available!
What courage this lady has. I only hope that very soon, she will feel what I am feeling, the excitement of wondering what life has in store next. Personally, I can’t wait to find out!
Meg
Well, if the only I ever accomplish with this thing is to save one person from a life of hell, I am happy.
Now, I don’t know whether or not abusive women follow the same pattern as abusive men but the pattern that the men follow is very predictable and can be hard to resist. That is, if you have low self esteem. And somehow, they seem to know who the women with low self esteem are. If by some chance you DO have a shred of self esteem left, they will call you names and try to be sure that you will never feel as though you could do any better. A man who loves a woman tells her how wonderful she is, not how fat she is. PERIOD.
The initial behavior is very hard to resist. They tell you they love you before they could possibly even know you. They never end the first date, coming over every single day and calling when they don’t come over. A woman with low self esteem could have a hard time resisting that. That’s how it starts.
Next, they have somehow gotten you to stop seeing your friends. Usually, they tell you that your friends are “sluts” or some such crap and they would be happy if you would just stay home with them. A healthy relationship is like two circles that overlap. But, part of each circle should have its’ own space. So many women will stop seeing their friends when they meet a new man. It may seem so sweet in the early phase of a relationship but it is stupid. And that is because, sooner or later, you WILL want to go out with your friends. And then, you are in trouble. An abusive man will see this as a step backwards in a relationship and he will assume that you have a new man. Why else would you suddenly want to go out without him? You have let his circle overlap yours and you have left yourself no space at all.
I had a man get jealous of a book I couldn’t put down. An abusive man wants you to be totally under their control, and waiting at their beck and call. They can even seem so loving but if they wore a big “I ABUSE WOMEN” sign, they would never get a date. So, they know how to charm you, and quickly. And then you have forgotten about the guy you met two weeks ago and take off with the new one because the other one didn’t call you enough. Well, THAT was the normal man. He has a life and is taking care to keep it healthy and happy. Healthy relationships don’t usually start off like a ball of fire, they take time to nurture and grow. But they are infinitely more worth it. There is nothing like having a friendship that slowly develops over time into something really wonderful. Never feel like you have to jump on the one that seems to easy to grab hold of. There IS a reason he is so available!
What courage this lady has. I only hope that very soon, she will feel what I am feeling, the excitement of wondering what life has in store next. Personally, I can’t wait to find out!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 7:17 AM
1 Comments:
saturday seems to be suspiciously missing. anything happen that you'd like to share with us?
i smell news here and would love to hear it.
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