Meg,
What have you learned from your divorce? How do you avoid ending up with a nut?
Actually, I can answer both of those questions with one answer. Now, it may be a very long answer, but it is STILL one big answer. What I learned is that I should have never deviated from my RULES. When I was in my 20's and had endured a few yuchy experiences, I developed a set of rules to date by. Like any true jack ass, I tossed almost ALL of them out the window when I married Rick. And I did it on purpose. I knew he didn't fit the rules. I also knew that by marrying him I would be leaving a lifestyle behind that I had enjoyed. I just thought that this marriage would be a better way to go, LOLOLOLOL.
Everyone has to figure out thier own rules but here are a few of mine that I blew off for the Rickster:
1. Never date anyone who makes less than you do. (This rule was to weed out the guys who thought that by nabbing a nurse, they would more than double thier income. I would then have to question thier motives.)
2. Never date anyone who had been in a serious relationship within the past year. (This one was to avoid being the rebound chick.)
3. Never date anyone who drives a battlestar-galacticar. (Some degree of financial security is good in a man.)
4. Never date anyone who sits there and talks crap about thier ex. (You will be the next one he rags on!)
5. Never date anyone who lives with his mother. (No explanation needed here.)
6. Never date anyone who "loves you" within a couple of weeks. (Red flag for stalker people.)
7. Never date anyone who calls you EVERY SINGLE DAY after the first date. (Too desperate or stalker.)
8. Never date anyone under 6'2". (This one was from my ex, he was short and violent. I thought I had discovered "short man's" syndrome only to learn about the Napolean Syndrome later.)
I had a bunch of others that I cannot remember at this moment but you get the idea. I learned that I should have trusted my first instinct and followed my rules.
I met Rick a few months after his divorce. He was living in a cock roach infested (studio) apartment. I had never seen a cock roach in my life. I felt so sorry for him that my nurturing side slapped my brain down and the rest is history. He was driving an old beat up car and he made 6 bucks an hour. OK, I broke EVERY SINGLE DAMN RULE THAT I HAD CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT!
Well, he SAID he was 6'2", but he was only 6'1". I have since learned that men add an ego inch to thier height. (I also know that all short men don't hit and all tall men don't avoid hitting, but hey, I was only 23.)
To avoid the creepy people, develop a few rules and stick to them. Don't get anxious, the right one will come along. I have always told my kids that as long as they had a plan, I didn't care what they were doing (as long as it was a legal plan, of course.) I told them that you get the jobs you apply for. So, apply for the BEST JOBS out there! It may take longer, but you will get one of those jobs unless you keep putting in applications for jobs requiring a paper hat. You may have to wear the paper hat while you are looking, but DO look! The same thing goes for most everything else in life, jobs, mates, friends, houses, whatever, have a plan and go after the good ones. You won't get good people, jobs or whatever if you are stuck with a bad one.
Notice that no where in my rules did I list good looks. That has never been terribly important to me. The biggest reason is that a person can be a 10 until they open thier mouth and then they suddenly become a 3. And, that works the other way around as well. A goofy looking person can become quite attractive if you get to know them and find out how funny, kind, decent and charming they are under that face. Maybe that explains the attraction between Camilla and Charles.
Back to having a plan...set a goal for yourself. Whatever category that goal is, if something is important to you, set a goal and develop a plan. You can't just go through life floundering and taking the easiest route every time. You will end up in some God forsaken state that you have never been to before and your entire support system will be gone.
When I felt sorry for Rick, something in my female-nurturing system took over and I forgot about myself and my plan. Although I knew my lifestyle would change drastically, I never knew I was slumming until it was too late. You have to learn to control feelings like those. And, you have to remember what you are trying to accomplish. I don't mean to make love and life sound like a business, but you can't just let your feelings lead you through life. Feelings are natural, not good or bad, they just are. So, learn to put them in the proper perspective. You can be flexible with your rules, but don't ignore the majority of them. Had I obeyed even TWO of my rules, I wouldn't be going through divorce court now.
Meg
Back in a few with something else.
What have you learned from your divorce? How do you avoid ending up with a nut?
Actually, I can answer both of those questions with one answer. Now, it may be a very long answer, but it is STILL one big answer. What I learned is that I should have never deviated from my RULES. When I was in my 20's and had endured a few yuchy experiences, I developed a set of rules to date by. Like any true jack ass, I tossed almost ALL of them out the window when I married Rick. And I did it on purpose. I knew he didn't fit the rules. I also knew that by marrying him I would be leaving a lifestyle behind that I had enjoyed. I just thought that this marriage would be a better way to go, LOLOLOLOL.
Everyone has to figure out thier own rules but here are a few of mine that I blew off for the Rickster:
1. Never date anyone who makes less than you do. (This rule was to weed out the guys who thought that by nabbing a nurse, they would more than double thier income. I would then have to question thier motives.)
2. Never date anyone who had been in a serious relationship within the past year. (This one was to avoid being the rebound chick.)
3. Never date anyone who drives a battlestar-galacticar. (Some degree of financial security is good in a man.)
4. Never date anyone who sits there and talks crap about thier ex. (You will be the next one he rags on!)
5. Never date anyone who lives with his mother. (No explanation needed here.)
6. Never date anyone who "loves you" within a couple of weeks. (Red flag for stalker people.)
7. Never date anyone who calls you EVERY SINGLE DAY after the first date. (Too desperate or stalker.)
8. Never date anyone under 6'2". (This one was from my ex, he was short and violent. I thought I had discovered "short man's" syndrome only to learn about the Napolean Syndrome later.)
I had a bunch of others that I cannot remember at this moment but you get the idea. I learned that I should have trusted my first instinct and followed my rules.
I met Rick a few months after his divorce. He was living in a cock roach infested (studio) apartment. I had never seen a cock roach in my life. I felt so sorry for him that my nurturing side slapped my brain down and the rest is history. He was driving an old beat up car and he made 6 bucks an hour. OK, I broke EVERY SINGLE DAMN RULE THAT I HAD CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT!
Well, he SAID he was 6'2", but he was only 6'1". I have since learned that men add an ego inch to thier height. (I also know that all short men don't hit and all tall men don't avoid hitting, but hey, I was only 23.)
To avoid the creepy people, develop a few rules and stick to them. Don't get anxious, the right one will come along. I have always told my kids that as long as they had a plan, I didn't care what they were doing (as long as it was a legal plan, of course.) I told them that you get the jobs you apply for. So, apply for the BEST JOBS out there! It may take longer, but you will get one of those jobs unless you keep putting in applications for jobs requiring a paper hat. You may have to wear the paper hat while you are looking, but DO look! The same thing goes for most everything else in life, jobs, mates, friends, houses, whatever, have a plan and go after the good ones. You won't get good people, jobs or whatever if you are stuck with a bad one.
Notice that no where in my rules did I list good looks. That has never been terribly important to me. The biggest reason is that a person can be a 10 until they open thier mouth and then they suddenly become a 3. And, that works the other way around as well. A goofy looking person can become quite attractive if you get to know them and find out how funny, kind, decent and charming they are under that face. Maybe that explains the attraction between Camilla and Charles.
Back to having a plan...set a goal for yourself. Whatever category that goal is, if something is important to you, set a goal and develop a plan. You can't just go through life floundering and taking the easiest route every time. You will end up in some God forsaken state that you have never been to before and your entire support system will be gone.
When I felt sorry for Rick, something in my female-nurturing system took over and I forgot about myself and my plan. Although I knew my lifestyle would change drastically, I never knew I was slumming until it was too late. You have to learn to control feelings like those. And, you have to remember what you are trying to accomplish. I don't mean to make love and life sound like a business, but you can't just let your feelings lead you through life. Feelings are natural, not good or bad, they just are. So, learn to put them in the proper perspective. You can be flexible with your rules, but don't ignore the majority of them. Had I obeyed even TWO of my rules, I wouldn't be going through divorce court now.
Meg
Back in a few with something else.
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:05 AM
2 Comments:
Haha....Mom Kevin says he's 5'8' and I know damn well he's 5'7. I'll deal with it I guess(for now) he still is taller than me. Except when I am wearing stileto's. Is that how you spell Stileto's?
Annie,
No, it is not. Getteth thyself a dictionary.
Mom
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