Excuse me while I gripe about drivers for a minute:
I often wonder what if the first guy to leave the house in the morning rush hour drive never slowed down? Who is the first guy to slow down? I think traffic is his fault. If he didn’t slow down, then none of us would have to slow down, right? And another thing, I get in the proper lane, which is always the long lane. Why do people in front of me always let other people cut in front of them? Hoodlums come flying out of the far left lane and just cut in line. Now, this guy might let someone cut in front of him and so on and so on...So, stop that. You are exponentially increasing the number of cars in front of me. You have no right to do so.
You wouldn’t let me take my cart in front of your cart at the grocery store and then stand still as I allowed my Aunt Virginia and her friends to cut in front of me, why will you let that driver in? In a civilized society we have rules, you know.
Oh, one more and then I am done, why is that some of you don’t observe the left on green rule? It is allowed you know. And, if you pull out into the intersection while it is green, you HAVE to go when the light turns red, that is perfectly legal.
Oh, men, by the way, if a woman looks at you with her special big ol’ doe eye look and tilts her head to the side and says, “Would you mind doing me a favor?” in a very sweet voice, beware. Especially if it is followed by, “Oh, never mind, it’s probably too much trouble.” You might as well get to work.
When a woman stoops to tilted head doe eyes and the “Oh it’s too much trouble” tactic, you might as well make the best of it. If you are smart, you will say, “Well, anything for you baby, especially if you do a little favor for me first.” Played just right, this could be mutually beneficial. Just a thought.
Another quick story about me ex (not to be confused the Official Name for Rick...after I conducted a survey, I have found Vex to be the perfect solution. And Stacey, I here ya, “as long as he doesn’t answer”!)
Anyway, one night my ex and I were watching The Amityville Horror. He is the jumpy type and got into scary movies. And believe it or not, back then, THAT was a scary movie. Add that to the fact that he was easily startled, to say the least, and you could easily make this man pee in his pants.
At one point during the movie, he went to the bathroom. This trip was on his own and planned for the commercial break, not one caused by a fright.
I quickly carried out the plan that I had devised in my head as he was watching the movie. We had a dead fern hanging in between the living room and kitchen. Anytime you tapped it, it shook and dead leaves fell off, making a rustling sound. I took a piece of thread and tied it to the fern. I laid a kitchen table chair down and brought the thread back into the kitchen, under the chair leg in a pulley type contraption thing. I brought the thread back to the couch and tied it to my toe. He couldn’t see the thread, it was all along the shag carpet.
He came out of the bathroom and sat back down. I waited until a particularly chilling scene and at just the right moment, I wiggled my toe. That plant shook like a mother and dead leaves were flying all over the place. He jumped up and ran in the bathroom screaming, leaving me lying on the couch, in the throws of side splitting laughter.
He got a little angry if I remember correctly.
Well, Vex's arraignment is April Fool’s Day. Seriously. Our next divorce court appearance could be anytime, I am sure that the lawyer will let me know. I can‘t imagine going through another week with no news. . . Especially considering the court dates, the newspaper article and the Vexed Wedding Ring auction. If you have been paying attention, you know that it is going to become a bit more dynamic very soon.
Stay tuned.
Meg
I often wonder what if the first guy to leave the house in the morning rush hour drive never slowed down? Who is the first guy to slow down? I think traffic is his fault. If he didn’t slow down, then none of us would have to slow down, right? And another thing, I get in the proper lane, which is always the long lane. Why do people in front of me always let other people cut in front of them? Hoodlums come flying out of the far left lane and just cut in line. Now, this guy might let someone cut in front of him and so on and so on...So, stop that. You are exponentially increasing the number of cars in front of me. You have no right to do so.
You wouldn’t let me take my cart in front of your cart at the grocery store and then stand still as I allowed my Aunt Virginia and her friends to cut in front of me, why will you let that driver in? In a civilized society we have rules, you know.
Oh, one more and then I am done, why is that some of you don’t observe the left on green rule? It is allowed you know. And, if you pull out into the intersection while it is green, you HAVE to go when the light turns red, that is perfectly legal.
Oh, men, by the way, if a woman looks at you with her special big ol’ doe eye look and tilts her head to the side and says, “Would you mind doing me a favor?” in a very sweet voice, beware. Especially if it is followed by, “Oh, never mind, it’s probably too much trouble.” You might as well get to work.
When a woman stoops to tilted head doe eyes and the “Oh it’s too much trouble” tactic, you might as well make the best of it. If you are smart, you will say, “Well, anything for you baby, especially if you do a little favor for me first.” Played just right, this could be mutually beneficial. Just a thought.
Another quick story about me ex (not to be confused the Official Name for Rick...after I conducted a survey, I have found Vex to be the perfect solution. And Stacey, I here ya, “as long as he doesn’t answer”!)
Anyway, one night my ex and I were watching The Amityville Horror. He is the jumpy type and got into scary movies. And believe it or not, back then, THAT was a scary movie. Add that to the fact that he was easily startled, to say the least, and you could easily make this man pee in his pants.
At one point during the movie, he went to the bathroom. This trip was on his own and planned for the commercial break, not one caused by a fright.
I quickly carried out the plan that I had devised in my head as he was watching the movie. We had a dead fern hanging in between the living room and kitchen. Anytime you tapped it, it shook and dead leaves fell off, making a rustling sound. I took a piece of thread and tied it to the fern. I laid a kitchen table chair down and brought the thread back into the kitchen, under the chair leg in a pulley type contraption thing. I brought the thread back to the couch and tied it to my toe. He couldn’t see the thread, it was all along the shag carpet.
He came out of the bathroom and sat back down. I waited until a particularly chilling scene and at just the right moment, I wiggled my toe. That plant shook like a mother and dead leaves were flying all over the place. He jumped up and ran in the bathroom screaming, leaving me lying on the couch, in the throws of side splitting laughter.
He got a little angry if I remember correctly.
Well, Vex's arraignment is April Fool’s Day. Seriously. Our next divorce court appearance could be anytime, I am sure that the lawyer will let me know. I can‘t imagine going through another week with no news. . . Especially considering the court dates, the newspaper article and the Vexed Wedding Ring auction. If you have been paying attention, you know that it is going to become a bit more dynamic very soon.
Stay tuned.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 10:11 PM
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