I suppose better self-esteem would help that. I deserve to eat better than this!
Yep, self esteem is the answer. How do you get it if you never had it or if somebody trashed it? There are a few different ways to approach it.
The obvious first thought is that you do deserve to live in a clean house and you do deserve to eat more than a Hot Pocket at night. If you found a dog in a mess, you would feel badly for him and clean him up, don’t you deserve at least as much as a dog? Of course you do. If the mess has become so daunting that you just leave instead of cleaning it, lock yourself in the house, pick up one thing and put it where it belongs and keep doing that. Before you know it, you will be on one of those cleaning frenzies that you use to go on. Do you look back and wonder why you can’t do that anymore? I did, until I realized that if you just act as if, you can do it. The only difference between a person with a clean house and a person who acts as if they have a clean house is that the actor isn’t a neat freak, they are just taking care of business. Also, about the bedroom (the easiest door to close and therefore the easiest mess to leave), you never know when you might meet some hottie and need that room to be clean. And besides, that is the one room that should be clean specifically for YOU! You might clean the rest of the house for guests but leave your own room a mess. Why? Shouldn’t your room be the one that you keep the most comfortable?
Can’t do it for yourself? Do it for the kids. Even if they only come over on weekends. Let them see that you and them are too good to be in a mess. Teach them that early and set an example. When things get tough in their life, they will remember how you handled your rough patches.
No kids? Do it to show anyone else how much you think of yourself. My father used to say that everyone should make one thing in their life better every day without fail. There have been days when the best that I could muster was to clean the toilet. But, no matter how sick I was, I still found at least ONE thing to make nicer in my life. Things that help me:
Play music instead of leaving the TV on for background noise. It gives you energy.
Call a friend and go play tennis on a nice day.
Take a walk in your neighborhood, you will make new friends.
Go to the museum.
Join a bowling league, guaranteeing you one night out a week where you will see some friendly faces. (Choose the night carefully, I made the mistake once of joining a Monday evening league. I missed Monday Night Football for the entire season.)
Go to a nursing home and ask the nurse if there is anyone in the day room who could use a visitor. There always is. Take the kids if you can, they love those kids. If you sit and listen to the wonderful stories these treasures are aching to tell, you will leave on the top of the world.
Go window shopping, with no money in your pockets.
Get up early everyday, and get dressed as though you had something to do. You will most likely feel like doing something once you’ve gotten dressed and if you don’t, you will at least feel more human.
Go to the library and read the newspaper. I enjoy going to the microfiches and looking up Bonnie and Clyde stories in the old newspapers.
Visit an old school/teacher, they love seeing you and you would be hard pressed not to leave with a smile on your face.
Best of all, be your own best friend. That’s the hardest one for me. Do you ever look at a friend and see the blatant stupidity with which they conduct themselves? You could tell them exactly what they should do. Tell yourself your own problems and give yourself some of that great advice, then listen to you! Do it out loud so you don’t miss anything. I interview myself often, I find me fascinating.
One last point, you are the result of generations of the strongest people in your family. They made it through wars, pestilences and all of history...you are here because they survived. Don’t stop that line of survival...tap into their strength. You are their current best hope, do them proud!
Now I have to drink some coffee so that I can think straight. My coffee pot is broken and all I have is instant, YUCH! But, it will do the trick so I am going to go get some. I think I will make myself some waffles too. Home-made waffles, not frozen ones. I KNOW I am worth it.
Meg
Yep, self esteem is the answer. How do you get it if you never had it or if somebody trashed it? There are a few different ways to approach it.
The obvious first thought is that you do deserve to live in a clean house and you do deserve to eat more than a Hot Pocket at night. If you found a dog in a mess, you would feel badly for him and clean him up, don’t you deserve at least as much as a dog? Of course you do. If the mess has become so daunting that you just leave instead of cleaning it, lock yourself in the house, pick up one thing and put it where it belongs and keep doing that. Before you know it, you will be on one of those cleaning frenzies that you use to go on. Do you look back and wonder why you can’t do that anymore? I did, until I realized that if you just act as if, you can do it. The only difference between a person with a clean house and a person who acts as if they have a clean house is that the actor isn’t a neat freak, they are just taking care of business. Also, about the bedroom (the easiest door to close and therefore the easiest mess to leave), you never know when you might meet some hottie and need that room to be clean. And besides, that is the one room that should be clean specifically for YOU! You might clean the rest of the house for guests but leave your own room a mess. Why? Shouldn’t your room be the one that you keep the most comfortable?
Can’t do it for yourself? Do it for the kids. Even if they only come over on weekends. Let them see that you and them are too good to be in a mess. Teach them that early and set an example. When things get tough in their life, they will remember how you handled your rough patches.
No kids? Do it to show anyone else how much you think of yourself. My father used to say that everyone should make one thing in their life better every day without fail. There have been days when the best that I could muster was to clean the toilet. But, no matter how sick I was, I still found at least ONE thing to make nicer in my life. Things that help me:
Play music instead of leaving the TV on for background noise. It gives you energy.
Call a friend and go play tennis on a nice day.
Take a walk in your neighborhood, you will make new friends.
Go to the museum.
Join a bowling league, guaranteeing you one night out a week where you will see some friendly faces. (Choose the night carefully, I made the mistake once of joining a Monday evening league. I missed Monday Night Football for the entire season.)
Go to a nursing home and ask the nurse if there is anyone in the day room who could use a visitor. There always is. Take the kids if you can, they love those kids. If you sit and listen to the wonderful stories these treasures are aching to tell, you will leave on the top of the world.
Go window shopping, with no money in your pockets.
Get up early everyday, and get dressed as though you had something to do. You will most likely feel like doing something once you’ve gotten dressed and if you don’t, you will at least feel more human.
Go to the library and read the newspaper. I enjoy going to the microfiches and looking up Bonnie and Clyde stories in the old newspapers.
Visit an old school/teacher, they love seeing you and you would be hard pressed not to leave with a smile on your face.
Best of all, be your own best friend. That’s the hardest one for me. Do you ever look at a friend and see the blatant stupidity with which they conduct themselves? You could tell them exactly what they should do. Tell yourself your own problems and give yourself some of that great advice, then listen to you! Do it out loud so you don’t miss anything. I interview myself often, I find me fascinating.
One last point, you are the result of generations of the strongest people in your family. They made it through wars, pestilences and all of history...you are here because they survived. Don’t stop that line of survival...tap into their strength. You are their current best hope, do them proud!
Now I have to drink some coffee so that I can think straight. My coffee pot is broken and all I have is instant, YUCH! But, it will do the trick so I am going to go get some. I think I will make myself some waffles too. Home-made waffles, not frozen ones. I KNOW I am worth it.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 6:03 AM
2 Comments:
Also, about the bedroom (the easiest door to close and therefore the easiest mess to leave), you never know when you might meet some hottie and need that room to be clean.
Thank you for that... best laugh of the day so far!
What we have in common is divorcing someone we lived with for 20 years... everything else is different.
Did you ever hear of a divorce with no third party involved? No lovers, no cheating? Not even any lies? No conflict about money?
I knew there were things badly wrong in our relationship, but I was badly puzzled all the same... Reading your blog, I have understood a lot of stuff about my responsibilities in that.
Ha! Well, if I find out my wife had a third party, that would change things... but no...
I think we have always been honest with each other, as far as we were self-aware... I think we lied to ourselves, not to each other... but we didn't communicate enough. We didn't fight enough, I think. Too afraid of each other.
I lied to her once. Twenty years ago, before we were married. I think she never really trusted me after that.
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