Don’t you just hate the word...

...Penis? It is a word that just doesn’t sound quite right for the organ itself. I know many people name their penis' (peni?), here is a post that contains names that some of you came up with last spring:

http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2005/03/as-i-write-this-it-isnt-yet-8-pm.html

I find it quite odd that so many people have such an intense fascination with the male organ. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a nice penis as much as the next person, but why would anyone actually draw pictures of the thing? For some strange reason a man did just that...AND he posted it on the internet:

Now, why he chose to show the entire world a drawing of his “member”, is beyond me. But what truly perplexes me is why on Earth he felt the need to pencil in his own ruler? Now, perhaps that might be a good idea for some men, but in this guy's case, I think he would have been better off leaving the measurments out of the picture. Many men, and a number of women, I am sure, are concerned with the size of a man's penis. In case you are one of those folks, here is a guide with which you see how your penis “stands up” in relation to others:

http://www.neo-tech.com/penis/

And, should you check out that chart and find that your penis doesn’t quite “measure up”, you can always try:

Enlargel

A transdermal male enhancement gel proven to rapidly accelerate permanent penis enlargement

Apparently, if you take a big handful of this stuff and rub it on your penis...in a rapid up and down fashion, you will see immediate results!!!!

By the way, if you think that your penis is particularly extraordinary, please help out these folk:

We need your penis pictures!

Pictures are of great help to many men. Please submit your pictures today. Just send them via e-mail to rubent2@yahoo.com or upload them yourself at our Yahoo Club.

Of course, some men may prefer to keep a "little" secret, and I certainly understand that. If you are one of them, you have my sympathy and I shan't ask you to disclose anything that you don't want to disclose. But, for those of you who might wonder what these dudes are hiding:

I had a better picture than that before, but I swear to God, I've lost it. I've looked everywhere and I just can't seem to find that little sucker.

When I mentioned the abnormal nature of Rick’s penis, many people suggested that he might be suffering from a disorder called Peyronie’s Syndrome. Being the curious little lady that I am, I started studying this condition. Well, I have found that it was NOT Rick’s problem...his penis didn’t SUDDENLY bend and twist one day, Peyronie's Syndrome attacks a previously normal penis. I certainly didn't do it....it was like that when I met him. He said that he had no idea how his penis became deformed. So, when I learned that there were illnesses that could actually distort a man's penis, I became even more curious than ever. What on Earth could have caused such a hideously freakish penis to pop up? Well, I believe that I have found the answer to that question. Apparently, Rick was suffering from the same condition as this man:

The other day I was masturbating and afterwards when I got soft my penis was softer than usual and since then it bends to one side and I have no sensation on the one side it bends to one side when I get an erection...

Signed,

Bent and confused.

Well, Bent and confused didn’t just sit there, wanger in hand, wondering what the hell was going on. Oh no, he wanted to know what had caused his penis to become warped. So, he sent an email to a doctor who, for some unknown reason, decided to post Bent’s problem on the internet for the entire world to see. I don’t know why...perhaps Bent and the doc had more than a patient-doctor relationship and then Bent betrayed the poor doctor. Of course, this is just a guess, I could be wrong. One way or another, the doctor answered Bent’s question:

It sounds like you caused yourself some trauma while masturbating. You may have what is known as a fractured penis. Usually, the penis will become limp immediately, and you will have some noticeable bruising and swelling, which it sounds like you had.

A fractured penis? I didn't even know that was an option....BUT...it does explain a LOT.