Good morning!
I'm waiting for my heart medicine to kick in which means my heart is pounding away. I hate that feeling. Do any of you ever get palpitations? I don't mean the kind that you get over a member of the opposite sex....I mean those hideous things that seem to say, "Lay down and stay there or I'll kill you!" Oh well, they'll be gone soon.
What do you know...my mind is a blank. Is this what it's like to be a man? I wonder.
Damn...I just sat here for about 5 minutes staring at the screen thinking of nothing. I think I AM turning into a man. They do call it MENopause...perhaps we pause and then turn into men. That would explain the toe hair. I've seen women with mustaches...and some really, really big muscles. OMG! We ARE turning into men!
I wouldn't mind so much if I could open a jar of pickles...but I don't have the strength to counteract the torque applied by most men when they close things that I may need to open later.
If I had to have any man stuff, I would rather it not be the stupid, "I'm thinking of NOTHING" crap. You know what would be good, I'd like the man thing where you just don't give a shit. That would be so cool. I could get laid constantly and walk away. How cool would that be?
Think about it...we could fart with impunity. We could fuck 80 chicks and no one will think that we’re sluts!
I wonder how many guys a chick can fuck before she’s considered a slut? I’m sure 80 would do it but think about something…if a woman only fucked one guy in a year…she would seem to be quite the discrete lady…wouldn’t she? But if you stay single and keep up that pace for a while, you can end up in double digits rather quickly.
Here’s another man thing…ladies, you have to high five me on this one…any time a woman asks the following question (for whatever reason):
“How long has it been since you got laid?”
A man will always answer thusly:
“Oh, it’s been months.”
They can have a sex toy lying next to their bed and they’ll still say that they haven’t had sex in a VERY long time. Just once, I’d love to hear a guy answer that question honestly…“Um, it was Friday night…maybe Saturday. I’m a guy, I don’t know…but it WAS over the weekend.”
How about this one ladies…I never ask a guy how long it’s been since he had sex but somehow, they all seem to give me that same, lame-ass “months ago” bullshit. I don’t know why…but sooner or later they all tell me how long it’s been since they want me to think they’ve had sex.
Oh well. I guess I should shave my toes.
I used to shave my coochie (I hate the word pussy) but it would be stupid to do it now. I shaved it because I didn’t want to have that icky red bump rash that you get when you first shave something. So, I just kept it shaved. But, if you don’t spend at least as much time having sex as you do shaving your coochie…it’s not worth it. If I ever get a dude who likes to have a lot of sex, I’d shave it for him. But I’m not shaving it for myself.
All I shave now are my lower legs. I have no hair worth shaving on my thighs so I stop at my knees. I used to stop at my ankles too. Now I have to hop over my feet and go shave toe hair. That’s just dumb. I don’t know why I have toe hair…but it’s there. If I’m ever in a coma, I would hope that someone would come in and shave my toes for me. It’s probably too much to ask to have a pedicure while I’m comatose…but the toe thing shouldn’t be tough.
I think I’m gonna go buy some lottery tickets today. I need some numbers. So, if you would be so kind…could you pick one and send it to me? Tonight is the Mega-Millions game so I need numbers between 1 and 56. So…sit back and do some yoga/meditation stuff and see if you can come up with just ONE number for tonight’s game.
OK then, gotta hit those toes.
I'm waiting for my heart medicine to kick in which means my heart is pounding away. I hate that feeling. Do any of you ever get palpitations? I don't mean the kind that you get over a member of the opposite sex....I mean those hideous things that seem to say, "Lay down and stay there or I'll kill you!" Oh well, they'll be gone soon.
What do you know...my mind is a blank. Is this what it's like to be a man? I wonder.
Damn...I just sat here for about 5 minutes staring at the screen thinking of nothing. I think I AM turning into a man. They do call it MENopause...perhaps we pause and then turn into men. That would explain the toe hair. I've seen women with mustaches...and some really, really big muscles. OMG! We ARE turning into men!
I wouldn't mind so much if I could open a jar of pickles...but I don't have the strength to counteract the torque applied by most men when they close things that I may need to open later.
If I had to have any man stuff, I would rather it not be the stupid, "I'm thinking of NOTHING" crap. You know what would be good, I'd like the man thing where you just don't give a shit. That would be so cool. I could get laid constantly and walk away. How cool would that be?
Think about it...we could fart with impunity. We could fuck 80 chicks and no one will think that we’re sluts!
I wonder how many guys a chick can fuck before she’s considered a slut? I’m sure 80 would do it but think about something…if a woman only fucked one guy in a year…she would seem to be quite the discrete lady…wouldn’t she? But if you stay single and keep up that pace for a while, you can end up in double digits rather quickly.
Here’s another man thing…ladies, you have to high five me on this one…any time a woman asks the following question (for whatever reason):
“How long has it been since you got laid?”
A man will always answer thusly:
“Oh, it’s been months.”
They can have a sex toy lying next to their bed and they’ll still say that they haven’t had sex in a VERY long time. Just once, I’d love to hear a guy answer that question honestly…“Um, it was Friday night…maybe Saturday. I’m a guy, I don’t know…but it WAS over the weekend.”
How about this one ladies…I never ask a guy how long it’s been since he had sex but somehow, they all seem to give me that same, lame-ass “months ago” bullshit. I don’t know why…but sooner or later they all tell me how long it’s been since they want me to think they’ve had sex.
Oh well. I guess I should shave my toes.
I used to shave my coochie (I hate the word pussy) but it would be stupid to do it now. I shaved it because I didn’t want to have that icky red bump rash that you get when you first shave something. So, I just kept it shaved. But, if you don’t spend at least as much time having sex as you do shaving your coochie…it’s not worth it. If I ever get a dude who likes to have a lot of sex, I’d shave it for him. But I’m not shaving it for myself.
All I shave now are my lower legs. I have no hair worth shaving on my thighs so I stop at my knees. I used to stop at my ankles too. Now I have to hop over my feet and go shave toe hair. That’s just dumb. I don’t know why I have toe hair…but it’s there. If I’m ever in a coma, I would hope that someone would come in and shave my toes for me. It’s probably too much to ask to have a pedicure while I’m comatose…but the toe thing shouldn’t be tough.
I think I’m gonna go buy some lottery tickets today. I need some numbers. So, if you would be so kind…could you pick one and send it to me? Tonight is the Mega-Millions game so I need numbers between 1 and 56. So…sit back and do some yoga/meditation stuff and see if you can come up with just ONE number for tonight’s game.
OK then, gotta hit those toes.
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:13 AM
4 Comments:
LMAO! You know, waxing lasts longer & after a while it doesn't even hurt anymore. In addition, when was the last time a man (constantly) took care of himself & shaved on a regular basis (not talking about his face either.) Oh, here is my favorite: Why is it that men always think they are "well endowed"?? Have you ever dated someone that referred to themselves as "big"? Don't you just want to turn around and tell them, "I've had bigger."
LOLOL...if some dude told me he was big...I WOULD say that I've had bigger...unless he was bigger than Jim Matulas.
:):):)
Oh...after a while it doesn't hurt anymore? YIKES! I'd rather pour chemicals like Nair on myself than rip my pubes out by the roots.
On second thought...God put that hair there for a reason. I think I'll just leave it alone.
:)
I get palpitations. It feels like my heart is skipping beats which freaks me out. They'll last anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours. I only get the occasional one now that I'm on meds. I take one 25 mg tenormin in the morning and a half of one at night. If I take 2 whole pills, I don't get any palpitations, but my BP and pulse get too low. The doc says it's very common in perimenopause. I don't undestand why we have to have up to 10 freakin years of ridiculous symptoms just to stop getting our periods. I don't need to prepare for it...just get it over with.
I don't like to wax anything, 'cause no matter how many times I hear that it doesn't hurt after a while, I know that's a lie. Every single time I'd get my eyebrows waxed, not only would it hurt like a mofo, they bled. After a year and a half of waiting for it to get better, I quit. No thanks. I pluck the suckers now.
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