Well, I've done it again...

...I've lost my wallet. I hope it's in the same place it was last time, somewhere in my house. I "lost" my wallet a couple of months ago and didn't find it until I went to the DMV to get a new driver's license. I haven't had time to do that yet because I only lost it this past weekend, so I'm back to driving on my passport. I hope it works.

Yesterday I went to that Drug and Alcohol rehab place to speak to the director about the report I'm writing for them. Before I left, I walked into the cafeteria to get some ice water and there were a bunch of residents of the facility sitting in there. I asked one guy if he knew anything about fuses and before I knew it, I had a group of dudes surrounding my car.

One guy went and got some sort of meter that he stuck somewhere down by the fuses. They checked all the bulbs in my headlights and taillights. There was a guy at each corner of the car, two with their heads under the hood and one squatting down by the driver's seat with his head under my dash board. There were a couple supervising and one just chatting with me. I'd say they had all of their bases covered.

After about a half an hour of doing man stuff, they were all sweaty, dirty and disappointed that they couldn't fix my car. If I had the right tools with me, those guys would have fixed the taillights, the brake fluid leak and given the car a tune up. I wouldn't have been surprised if they did body work. With all of those men, at LEAST 4 of them would have been able to fix cars...well.

Unfortunately, after all that time and all those men, they came to the same conclusion that you guys did...they told me to go to Advance Auto and have them use some computer to find the short in my car. That's exactly what Pandora told me to do. I can't imagine being a girl and knowing as much about cars as a big group of dudes. Go Panny!

I learned something new yesterday while those guys were working on my car. Well, it's not so much that I learned something new, I just learned a new way to use what I already knew. I knew that men liked to help a damsel in distress and I knew that they usually know what to do with a broken car. What I never thought of was the competitive nature of men and using that nature to get things done.

If I DID have tools, they WOULD have fixed my car. And do you know why? They each would have wanted to be the one that fixed it. So, all of them would have put in a LOT of effort. Imagine the things that I could do if I started holding small competitions around my house? If I could find some way to get about 10 men to my house, I'd start by feeding them. If they aren't from the drug and alcohol place, I'd provide a case of beer and then I would just start to trim my hedges. Before long one of the guys would walk over and say, "That's dangerous, let me do it for you."

Then, as that guy was trimming hedges, I would have a REALLY hard time starting my leaf blower. As soon as one of the guys offers to do that, I'll get one to run home and get his weed whacker. Then, I'd try to climb on my roof to clean the gutters until one of them took over THAT job.

Once the yard was full of industrious men, I'd walk in the house and into the living room where a few would be watching ESPN. Naturally I would open a can of paint and start to paint that room. When one of the guys offers to do it for me I'll say, "Oh no...I have to do the hallway too, that's too much work for you." To which he would say, "Don't be silly, I can finish it in no time!"

Naturally I would let him.

I'd need to borrow some tools for this little game of mine because I have some things that need to be done inside that require tools that I don't have. And there's very little chance of any given guy having a power saw in his car.

All of this work would be done after my car was in tip-top shape, of course. That would need to be done before the beer runs out.

It's a shame that I can only date one guy a night. I could find 10 guys to call and invite over but not all at one time. And one group of 10 men will do a LOT more work in one day than would one man a day for 10 days. It'd be so cool if I could have some sort of man competition. They would compete in areas such as automotive technology, endurance by doing yard work in Hot-lanta and of course, every woman's favorite, the shorts and shirtless look of a sweaty guy who has just finished working very hard...for me.

Then I could check out their poise by asking them this question, "How many dates do you take a woman on before you expect sex?" I'd have a question to weed out the morons (after the work competition, even a nit wit can mow grass). I could ask them to spell "Philadelphia". The first one to spell it P-h-i-l-a-d-e-l-T-h-i-a would get hit in the head with a large stick.

I wouldn't take off points for baldness but I might ask when they saw their last skid mark. When Rick left I swore that I'd never even TOUCH another man with daily skid marks, much less do his laundry.

Damn, my sister just called. I have to go get her and take her to work. I'll be back in a few minutes.

OK...I'm back! I got this in an email and I thought it was cute so here it is:

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men...men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

On that note, I think I'll go for now.

:)

But...before I do, have fun with this:

http://www.yearbookyourself.com/woodfield