I made it through...

...my pool league safely enough. That freaky guy didn't show up although he did call all day (I guess to ask if I needed a ride, that's how it started last time) and I just let the phone ring...and ring and ring and ring.

When I was a kid, there were some rules that we never questioned. This was when spanking was not only legal, it was actually pretty standard. It reinforced your memory as to how you should behave. I grew up just knowing that:

1. You don't let someones phone ring more than 4 times.
2. You don't call people before 9 AM or after 9 PM.
3. You never call a person and then ask, "Who's this?"
4. Don't wipe boogers on the walls.

This guy let the phone ring at least 20 times. I turned the answering machine off because I was home. So, when it's ringing, I'm looking for the stupid phone so that I can see who it is, it might be my daughter. And then it takes forever to find the phone. You wanna hear something STUPID? My phone rings, of course. But for some reason that I cannot figure out, the base rings as well. The base never moves, it's plugged into the wall. Why would it have to ring?

The frustrating thing is that when the base and the phone are BOTH ringing, there's no way to search out the sound. It's coming from every direction. Why base ring? Why?

My father bought me that phone because it has an answering machine hooked up to it. Apparently he no longer subscribes to the "let it ring 4 times and then just hang up" rule. For some reason, he wants to leave a message. He told me over and over again that I should have a machine. I told him over and over again that I didn't want one. I resist change.

So, one Christmas, guess what he gave me? Yep, an phone with an answering machine built in and a base that rings for no good gawd damned reason. It was not only a tad thoughtless, it was a waste because even when I leave it on, I never listen to the messages. I just flip through the Caller ID on my phone to see if I missed anyone good.

I prefer the phone in my bedroom, let me go get it for you:


Now that's a phone. No pussy rings will come out of this sucker. You won't hear birds chirping, country music or any other hideous sounds. When this phone rings, it RINGS.

Another feature of this phone that is much, much better than the phones of today is the one involving the cord. You can see it in the picture, it's coming out of the left side of the phone. The other end attaches to a wall jack and if you pull the cord out of the wall jack, it won't work one little bit. So, if you have to go to the bathroom, you either have to hang up or put the phone down. With this phone there's no more hearing water sounds and wondering if the person you're talking to has just peed whilst speaking to you. You won't ever have to shut the toilet lid and, with your body as close to the door as possible, flush the toilet and run out of the bathroom hoping that the person on the other end didn't hear the flush.

Also, you can look and look but you won't find a place to hook an answering machine up to this phone. You know, I should go find another one of these for the kitchen.

Of course the downside is that occasionally, when you dial a number, as you're dialing the very last number, your finger slips and then you have to start all over. But, it's not electric so you still have a land line even if you have no power. That makes up for the occasional finger slippage.

You know what? I'm going to make one of those videos that I occasionally make and stick it up here. It'll be about this phone. I know that doesn't sound very exciting to you but it's pretty much my fun for the day.