I was wondering if anyone would notice...

...what I was doing the day before I went to the hospital. Well, someone finally put it together. Yes, I broke my hip getting laid. At least that's when it started hurting real badly. I couldn't walk in the morning. But...no, he didn't "break me"...I climbed on top without any prompting and if memory serves, that's when it started killing me and I had a tough time getting off....I mean down. Getting off is rarely a problem.

This is the first time that I've mentioned it to anyone. The guy who helped me do it doesn't even know. Just you guys. I couldn't tell the doctors that at the emergency room, they would write it in my medical records and that can't be. And who else could I tell? The people at church? The publishers for whom I write? My friends? My friends are almost all guys. They always have been. I would tell a girlfriend that I busted my hip riding Space Mountain but I can't tell a guy friend that. Well, I would if he were gay.

But if my guy friend is not gay...there's no way our relationship would ever be the same after I said, "Dude, check it out...I broke my hip riding this guy last month."

I don't know why that is, I just know it is. It's a lesson that I've learned over the years. After a man and a woman TALK about sex, no matter the context, the guy will want to have sex with that chick. I don't know why that is. Other people have sex too...they just don't talk about it. Every person who's hand you shake has been all over the sex organs of not only the owner of the hand, but more than likely it's been in other people's crotches...maybe up an ass or two. Now go shake a hand.

So, my little friend who gave me my very first hickey...I hope you're very pleased with yourself. And...I am duly impressed. Of course you realize, YOU brought the subject of sex up...I called you on it and now we have spoken about it. You know what that means don't you? It means that I know you will be thinking about me sexually for a long fricking time. I love this kind of power.

Damn it. Now I've forgotten what I came here to say.

My options are pretty limited now. You can't just talk about anything once you've written a few paragraphs about sex. I probably should have left church out of it altogether but I'm pretty sure church people have sex too. One week I sat there looking around, picturing all of the peeps in the pews having sex. I had a problem with some of them but I could at least picture most having missionary sex, but I couldn't picture many of those women bucking their bronco's.

I seem to be getting myself deeper into the whole "sex" thing now. I might as well just finish up with sex and end with a pithy sex comment...ya think?

Uuummmmm...what to say...what to say. Oh, I had some of that stuff this past Saturday. That was actually pretty good considering the pain in my hip. I chose to deal with that instead of taking a percocet. The percocet would have made it easier but it also would have made it useless for me and it's been a while since I stopped screwing guys who didn't screw me right back. I mean that in the "orgasm" sense of the word. As I've stated, no guy gets 2 up on me anymore. Well, maybe, but only on a birthday or after delivery of diamonds. But in general, if you leave in an orgasmic debt to me after the first time, you don't get a chance to make it up. These are the rules and I must abide by them.

Loving living live life on the edge, I even climbed back up on my little perch. It seems to make people smile. :)

Now, just to be a bitch, I'm going to tell Hickey Dude something...you know what you did to my neck? Well, I did the exact same thing to his dick. I didn't leave a mark...not that I know of. But, I must say, I did a very, very good job.

Pithy comment:

It's a bitch to have a hard on at your desk when you can't do a damn thing about it.