Ordinarily...
...rednecks are very handy around the house. They're even really good with cars, yard work and digging large holes. I guess it's because they never have enough cash to hire people to fix stuff so they have to learn how to do it all themselves. They also have tools for just about anything and if they needed to, they could borrow a backhoe or some such piece of heavy equipment from a cousin, friend or the friend of a friend.
I figure their heritage of fixer dude classes are pretty much just a bunch of good ol' boys standing around one of their own as he fixes his own stuff. They're ready to help if needed, but if nothing else, they learn how to do it. I'm not sure, but somehow they seem to get the job done even though training and the actual performance of the task at hand are both performed with a Budweiser in one hand.
Rednecks are raised by people who couldn't afford to pay for fixer dudes so they're rather familiar with most of the work that I need to have done. I'm in a bad situation...my father couldn't do ANYTHING but yard work. So, I grew up thinking that you hired people to perform such menial chores. I was rarely exposed to the underbelly of a car motor. And then, I find myself in THIS messed up situation...I'm having trouble coming up with rent money so there's NO way that I could afford to hire someone to do the work that I need done.
Redneck Dude can fix a broken window and now I think I could do it too. It didn't really look too hard. I love watching men fix stuff, that way I MIGHT learn how to do it for myself the next time. I would really have to be hard up to do it by myself...I'm sure that I would end up with many, many stitches were I to attempt to work with cut glass. But, I have to face facts...I only have so many years lefts before I won't be able to pull off a decent look now and then. It's not that I won't be able to attract men when I'm in my 60's, it's just that the men I would attract would all have Alzheimer's. I can't bother with old men who have legally lost control of their financial matters. And you can't trust THEM to work on your car. Talk about a MAJOR waste of my time!
Back to Redneck Dude...his experience isn't as well rounded as I had expected so I have an opening!!! Actually, I have openingS...I need a plumber and a carpenter. To apply for the position, simply respond to this post. (Meals and Budweiser provided.)
The working atmosphere is great and the tone, laid back. I provide the entertainment and trust me...I can be quite the entertaining little female. Of course you should be close to Marietta in case the job is a long one...but if you fly or drive in, I have a spare room. I make a KILLER breakfast!
Anyway, I'll get someone sooner or later so it's all good. I'm too busy worrying about financial crap and flirting my way into some serious handy-men.
Spring must be close because that's usually when I start my annual clean up. Anyone whose read my stuff for a year or more should be able to remember that every spring...my fancy lightly turns to thoughts of home repairs. This is also about the time that I begin my "One Date Only" summer. Most men will take you someplace nice on the first date (unless he's one of those extreme rednecks or my ex husband). After a first date, EVERYTHING goes downhill so I like to take full advantage of the friendly, first date behavior of most men. The first date is the one time that almost all men will keep their faults to themselves and try to avoid offending you.
Craigslist Dude took 2 dates before he creeped me out and by the third (and final) date, he had offended me more than Michael Moore, Amy Winehouse or Yoko Ono ever could. Out of nowhere, he used the N-word and trust me, the way I was raised, that's the worst thing that you can say about ANYBODY...black or white. Long before anyone had ever heard the term "politically correct", I found that word so ugly to hear that it made me cringe...no matter who said it. The word itself offends me, whatever the context. But I assure you, Craigslist Dude used it in one of the ugliest contexts possible.
I know that most men are NOT like that...but they all slowly stop trying to behave like a pleasant date to the point where they don't mind farting in front of you.
Ooh, I just had a visual of a farting racist...it gives me the shivering willies. I am SO glad that I never made out with that. I couldn't take enough showers had I tapped that thing.
Back to my staff...THOSE guys get to come back. Naturally, they'd need a good reason and a toolbox, but I'd give them more than one date. But other than that, I must keep to my one date plan. Oh, Set Medic Dude would be another exception. :)
Actually, there's always a chance that some guy will sweep me off of my feet, I'm open to that. I'm just not making plans based on them. Of course...that guy would have to be handy around the old homestead...unless he has so much money that he can pay someone else to do it. I really don't care as long as the work gets done.
...rednecks are very handy around the house. They're even really good with cars, yard work and digging large holes. I guess it's because they never have enough cash to hire people to fix stuff so they have to learn how to do it all themselves. They also have tools for just about anything and if they needed to, they could borrow a backhoe or some such piece of heavy equipment from a cousin, friend or the friend of a friend.
I figure their heritage of fixer dude classes are pretty much just a bunch of good ol' boys standing around one of their own as he fixes his own stuff. They're ready to help if needed, but if nothing else, they learn how to do it. I'm not sure, but somehow they seem to get the job done even though training and the actual performance of the task at hand are both performed with a Budweiser in one hand.
Rednecks are raised by people who couldn't afford to pay for fixer dudes so they're rather familiar with most of the work that I need to have done. I'm in a bad situation...my father couldn't do ANYTHING but yard work. So, I grew up thinking that you hired people to perform such menial chores. I was rarely exposed to the underbelly of a car motor. And then, I find myself in THIS messed up situation...I'm having trouble coming up with rent money so there's NO way that I could afford to hire someone to do the work that I need done.
Redneck Dude can fix a broken window and now I think I could do it too. It didn't really look too hard. I love watching men fix stuff, that way I MIGHT learn how to do it for myself the next time. I would really have to be hard up to do it by myself...I'm sure that I would end up with many, many stitches were I to attempt to work with cut glass. But, I have to face facts...I only have so many years lefts before I won't be able to pull off a decent look now and then. It's not that I won't be able to attract men when I'm in my 60's, it's just that the men I would attract would all have Alzheimer's. I can't bother with old men who have legally lost control of their financial matters. And you can't trust THEM to work on your car. Talk about a MAJOR waste of my time!
Back to Redneck Dude...his experience isn't as well rounded as I had expected so I have an opening!!! Actually, I have openingS...I need a plumber and a carpenter. To apply for the position, simply respond to this post. (Meals and Budweiser provided.)
The working atmosphere is great and the tone, laid back. I provide the entertainment and trust me...I can be quite the entertaining little female. Of course you should be close to Marietta in case the job is a long one...but if you fly or drive in, I have a spare room. I make a KILLER breakfast!
Anyway, I'll get someone sooner or later so it's all good. I'm too busy worrying about financial crap and flirting my way into some serious handy-men.
Spring must be close because that's usually when I start my annual clean up. Anyone whose read my stuff for a year or more should be able to remember that every spring...my fancy lightly turns to thoughts of home repairs. This is also about the time that I begin my "One Date Only" summer. Most men will take you someplace nice on the first date (unless he's one of those extreme rednecks or my ex husband). After a first date, EVERYTHING goes downhill so I like to take full advantage of the friendly, first date behavior of most men. The first date is the one time that almost all men will keep their faults to themselves and try to avoid offending you.
Craigslist Dude took 2 dates before he creeped me out and by the third (and final) date, he had offended me more than Michael Moore, Amy Winehouse or Yoko Ono ever could. Out of nowhere, he used the N-word and trust me, the way I was raised, that's the worst thing that you can say about ANYBODY...black or white. Long before anyone had ever heard the term "politically correct", I found that word so ugly to hear that it made me cringe...no matter who said it. The word itself offends me, whatever the context. But I assure you, Craigslist Dude used it in one of the ugliest contexts possible.
I know that most men are NOT like that...but they all slowly stop trying to behave like a pleasant date to the point where they don't mind farting in front of you.
Ooh, I just had a visual of a farting racist...it gives me the shivering willies. I am SO glad that I never made out with that. I couldn't take enough showers had I tapped that thing.
Back to my staff...THOSE guys get to come back. Naturally, they'd need a good reason and a toolbox, but I'd give them more than one date. But other than that, I must keep to my one date plan. Oh, Set Medic Dude would be another exception. :)
Actually, there's always a chance that some guy will sweep me off of my feet, I'm open to that. I'm just not making plans based on them. Of course...that guy would have to be handy around the old homestead...unless he has so much money that he can pay someone else to do it. I really don't care as long as the work gets done.
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:47 AM
2 Comments:
Hey Meg,
Now you understand why Craiglist dude kept saying he felt you were out of his league! The picture is complete now.
What the heck is your Landlord responsible for? Do you have to repair windows too? Where does Landlord do with the rent money?
I am sure you could find some Mexicans or other handymen to do your yard work. On the other hand, doing your own yard is good exercise.
Where is your kid? Can't he come over to help? Mom's lasagne should do it.
I couldn't get my kid to do the work when he lived HERE! I do most of the lawnwork myself but I can't get my blower started and I have to get those damn pine needles up. I have some stuff that I just can't do. I like choosing the guys that I prefer to look at. And yes...now I know why that goon said that stuff, he was right and I didn't know it.
The landlord is responsible for things over 100 bucks. My own dog broke the window so I felt it my responsibility to fix it. My landlord is great...but this one's on me because my dog did it and it's under 100 bucks. If I wanted to, I could send the receipts to him as part of the rent.
Oh, the first guess was right, the red necks are from working outside or running moonshine.
Meg
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