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Friday, August 07, 2009

Are you KIDDING me???

I just heard Lanny Davis proudly declare that he wants to see medical insurance MANDATORY..."like car insurance". I'm a not a car and these people frighten me.

So, not only must we, our grandchildren AND their children pay for this sweeping reorganization, not of health care, but of government...we will also be mandated to participate if some people get their way.

When I think of public health care, I think of walk-in clinics and free immunizations. I don't think of prosecutions for appendicitis while uninsured. Why on earth are these yahoos so gung ho over this health care thing? They keep trying to find a demon and can't seem to get a handle on one of them. But...if they keep trying, and they will, they'll eventually demonize citizens whether or not they smoke cigarettes.

You can take some interesting tid-bits away from the trial balloons that government floats out there. Apparently, taking an oath to a public office makes one automatically incapable of common sense. People who WE elected into office sat in a room and said, "Soda pop! We can tax soda pop!" Someone must have had a slight clue because they didn't run with it that day. They floated it to the media and were quickly sorry that they had. The response was very quick and very definitive...no Mr. Pibb tax.

The government never responds to questions asked unless they have something to gain by answering. It's not good enough that the question do no harm before they'll answer it because, hey, it might do harm tomorrow. So, you have a government who ONLY answers questions that actually help them. You certainly will never get a clear and "concise" answer because that could be inflammatory. Maybe not today, maybe it will only affect their legacy, but why take a chance? Don't hold your breath for an outright apology from the fools on Capitol Hill, but you might get some meaningless diatribe using words that they honestly believe will just breeze over the heads of Americans. And, in far too many cases, they will.

But today I was able to interview an elected official who admitted, for the record, that the air on Capitol Hill contains some idiot inducing chemical, the effects of which take a while to appear. I'll let the Senator tell you in his own words:

ME: Senator, tell me, when did you realize that you had been affected by Agent Nit Wit?

DEEP CHOAD: Well, my wife says I've never been the same since my second term and things have gotten worse since then.

ME: Your SECOND term? Isn't that when you had the mistress in LA who you STILL meet at the Beverly Hilton?

DEEP CHOAD: Well, yeah, but that's not what I want to talk about today...I wasn't briefed on that so I'm unprepared. I'm here to warn people before Agent Nit Wit begins to spread outside of the beltway.

ME: Well, we DO have more than our fair share of nit wits out here.

DEEP CHOAD: Of course you do, and I'm not trying to get into a who's the biggest moron contest again...that's how I came up with the tax on soda-pop.

ME: So, you're saying that these asinine ideas are out of your control?

DEEP CHOAD: Yes. Agent Nit Wit is a progressive disorder and there is only one cure...you MUST leave the area of the chemical and no one here is prepared to do that. We aren't quitters! What we really want is a czar...we need an Agent Nit Wit czar like there's no tomorrow.

ME: Let me see if I heard you correctly...you're saying that there's a chemical on Capitol Hill that affects anyone who inhales it. The Senate, the House and the Supreme Court...are they all sucking Agent Nit Wit as well?

DEEP CHOAD: Oh yeah. Don't forget the White House, it's on a hill so the air there is almost all Agent Nit Wit over there. I understand Truman used to go up to the top of the Washington Memorial to suck the air in. He didn't know why, but he always felt better after a few deep breaths of the stuff. Now they're having midnight staff meetings up there.

ME: OK...this chemical causes you to loose your ability to recognize stupidity, the longer the politician is there and the higher their office, the worse the poisoning...am I interpreting this correctly?

DEEP CHOAD: Yes ma'am.

ME: Tell me more about the day you came up with the Mr. Pibb tax.

DEEP CHOAD: I gotta say, I was SO embarrasses by that idea. But as you mentioned, Agent Nit Wit is a powerful eraser of common sense. I simply couldn't see the stupidity in my idea! I was totally void of logic and sound political reasoning...that's when I decided to speak out in public for others so afflicted and of course for myself, as I am also afflicted. That idea should make it perfectly evident that I need help and the fact that it even got out of the Washington Memorial is proof that I am NOT alone. I get teary eyed when I think about it.

ME: Don't think Senator, you're a man and I understand that you actually CAN think about NOTHING...added to the effects of Agent Nit Wit...you're right, help is needed. Is there any hope, can we ever have a government with the ability to see stupid stuff up close?

DEEP CHOAD: Oh of course! I'm on a committee working to "inoculate" DC against the dreaded Agent Nit Wit chemical...It will only cost a quadrillion dollars!

ME: Inoculate? How will you inoculate the city?

DEEP CHOAD: Oh, we won't. It's just that we really don't know what to do yet. As all politicians are aware, when you don't have a REAL plan, you put a name on it that stupid people will understand. Some lawyer from out of town came up with "inoculate". We get a LOT of help from out-of-towners.

ME: Ah, I see. A Quadrillion bucks? Wouldn't it be cheaper to move the capitol back to Phillie?

DEEP CHOAD: Damn! That's a GREAT idea! Could you write that down for me...I want to discuss it at my next committee meeting!


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