He's stuck again!!!
Donessa T. Davis is behind bars today after being arrested for child abuse, theft, unlawful phone use and harassment with a death threat in a domestic abuse investigation. See? THIS is why crooks should never call the cops...no matter how long it takes for a Super Glued schwang to come free of his leg.
We've ALL accidentally glued our fingers together...none of us call an ambulance for that and you needn't call one for a stuck penis...it'll come loose. You won't be doing any serious dancing for a minute...vertical OR horizontal...but your dick will come loose eventually. If the ladies, and I use that term loosely, had glued his hand to his ass, he would have left it there until it came off by itself. But, since it was his "manhood" that was stuck...he just HAD to call 911. This'll teach him.
Now he's REALLY stuck because cops aren't as easy to shake off as is a super glued one eyed wonder worm. Donessa with an "A" will be locked up for SOME period of time and unlike the Super Glue Chicks...this guy will NOT have many admirers in the county lock up. If you MUST go to jail after a gorilla glue incident, it's ALWAYS better to be the gluER than it is to be the gluEE. This guy won't be dealing with your everyday prisoner chortles, chuckles and guffaws...those locked up dudes are going to go into immediate belly laughs and tears as soon as they realize that they are lucky enough to be spending time with the Super Glue Dude himself. I hear some of the guys who were released yesterday are re-offending...in the hopes that they might be one of the lucky prisoners to share a cell with Super Glue Guy.
Jails are pretty much like locker rooms for men taking out of date steroids with little opportunity to accomplish anything at all. Well, they accomplish muscle...but I think that's only because they have to look at each other long past the day that they BEGIN to look good to each other. No man wants to be on either end of a saggy man anal episode so they're pumping all of that iron for later.
OTHER than muscles, all they have are their stories. And...being locked up with the Super Glue Dude is one cool story to tell. Don't forget, they need cool stories...after all, most of them chose a bag of M&M's over deodorant on commissary day. (Heck, if I were in prison I'd take the M&M's, eight days a week.) Anyway, when they tell the story to future cell mates who WILL be there...in the future...probably sooner rather than later...they can't just sit back and describe, second hand, derision inflicted upon the Super Glue Dude by other prisoners...that won't do at all. This is pretty much a "must do" derision moment.
It's not like 8th grade where you could just make fun of the awkward chick with braces...this calls for some serious MAN style derision. If your story does NOT involve one funny line delivered by YOU...then it's best left untold. Being in such a great situation for derogatory creativity is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You MUST have a line ready...even if it's a lame ass line because face it, very few wisecracks actually contain wisdom. The point here is that you took the shot...not whether it landed on target. You can apologize your way out of a stupid one liner well aimed but poorly executed. But...there's no way to explain why you just sat there giggling like a shy girl in a MUST deride situation.
Somewhere today there is a pod of lucky criminals. They all get to tell their own Super Glue Dude story...I hope to hear them some day. But, in the meantime, order some M&M's and funk the place up a bit more. Who are you showering for? A prisoner trying to get clean by taking a shower is like trying to take the gravy off of mashed potatoes...you'll never get them clean again and the peas and meat are covered in the same filth anyway. As I type these words there is a large smelly man in a dietary department of a jail who is stirring some white powder into warm water. Somebody got a tax deduction for donating the moth infested powder to the county jail and tonight it'll be tepid white moth mush for hundreds of inmates.
Yep...the guys who are doing time with Super Glue Dude are witnessing jail house history. Before long Super Glue Dude will be tried and if found guilty, shipped off to some prison where there are men who have no clue that they're about to witness some jail house history soon. Of course, it'll be BIG house history so they better be REALLY good. I'm sure prisons smell a LOT worse than jails. The farts alone would probably cause little mini holes over the prison ozone layer. The prison prisoners have much more to overcome when attempting to redeem themselves in the eyes of their fellow pod mates.
So...what should the rest of us take away from this incident? Well, there are many lessons in this hideous situation but it seems to me that the most important lesson of them all is...NEVER, under ANY circumstances...give a boy a name that ends with an "A". I don't care what Johnny Cash says...that is some messed up shit.
We've ALL accidentally glued our fingers together...none of us call an ambulance for that and you needn't call one for a stuck penis...it'll come loose. You won't be doing any serious dancing for a minute...vertical OR horizontal...but your dick will come loose eventually. If the ladies, and I use that term loosely, had glued his hand to his ass, he would have left it there until it came off by itself. But, since it was his "manhood" that was stuck...he just HAD to call 911. This'll teach him.
Now he's REALLY stuck because cops aren't as easy to shake off as is a super glued one eyed wonder worm. Donessa with an "A" will be locked up for SOME period of time and unlike the Super Glue Chicks...this guy will NOT have many admirers in the county lock up. If you MUST go to jail after a gorilla glue incident, it's ALWAYS better to be the gluER than it is to be the gluEE. This guy won't be dealing with your everyday prisoner chortles, chuckles and guffaws...those locked up dudes are going to go into immediate belly laughs and tears as soon as they realize that they are lucky enough to be spending time with the Super Glue Dude himself. I hear some of the guys who were released yesterday are re-offending...in the hopes that they might be one of the lucky prisoners to share a cell with Super Glue Guy.
Jails are pretty much like locker rooms for men taking out of date steroids with little opportunity to accomplish anything at all. Well, they accomplish muscle...but I think that's only because they have to look at each other long past the day that they BEGIN to look good to each other. No man wants to be on either end of a saggy man anal episode so they're pumping all of that iron for later.
OTHER than muscles, all they have are their stories. And...being locked up with the Super Glue Dude is one cool story to tell. Don't forget, they need cool stories...after all, most of them chose a bag of M&M's over deodorant on commissary day. (Heck, if I were in prison I'd take the M&M's, eight days a week.) Anyway, when they tell the story to future cell mates who WILL be there...in the future...probably sooner rather than later...they can't just sit back and describe, second hand, derision inflicted upon the Super Glue Dude by other prisoners...that won't do at all. This is pretty much a "must do" derision moment.
It's not like 8th grade where you could just make fun of the awkward chick with braces...this calls for some serious MAN style derision. If your story does NOT involve one funny line delivered by YOU...then it's best left untold. Being in such a great situation for derogatory creativity is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You MUST have a line ready...even if it's a lame ass line because face it, very few wisecracks actually contain wisdom. The point here is that you took the shot...not whether it landed on target. You can apologize your way out of a stupid one liner well aimed but poorly executed. But...there's no way to explain why you just sat there giggling like a shy girl in a MUST deride situation.
Somewhere today there is a pod of lucky criminals. They all get to tell their own Super Glue Dude story...I hope to hear them some day. But, in the meantime, order some M&M's and funk the place up a bit more. Who are you showering for? A prisoner trying to get clean by taking a shower is like trying to take the gravy off of mashed potatoes...you'll never get them clean again and the peas and meat are covered in the same filth anyway. As I type these words there is a large smelly man in a dietary department of a jail who is stirring some white powder into warm water. Somebody got a tax deduction for donating the moth infested powder to the county jail and tonight it'll be tepid white moth mush for hundreds of inmates.
Yep...the guys who are doing time with Super Glue Dude are witnessing jail house history. Before long Super Glue Dude will be tried and if found guilty, shipped off to some prison where there are men who have no clue that they're about to witness some jail house history soon. Of course, it'll be BIG house history so they better be REALLY good. I'm sure prisons smell a LOT worse than jails. The farts alone would probably cause little mini holes over the prison ozone layer. The prison prisoners have much more to overcome when attempting to redeem themselves in the eyes of their fellow pod mates.
So...what should the rest of us take away from this incident? Well, there are many lessons in this hideous situation but it seems to me that the most important lesson of them all is...NEVER, under ANY circumstances...give a boy a name that ends with an "A". I don't care what Johnny Cash says...that is some messed up shit.
posted by Meg Kelso | 3:33 AM
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