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The Afghan insurrection is a bitch...

...and Tiger Woods seems to have some explaining to do. If he IS a cheating husband, and I'm sure the the retiring Oprah would agree, Tiger's wife would be the only person entitled to any information from Tige. It looks like the cops have left Tiger alone and simply ticketed the allegedly errant husband. The rest of us should do the same and say, "I'd rather hear stuff about the unbeaten New Orleans Saints and hope to God that they annihilate Minnesota in the Super Bowl.

Now, I suppose I've already disappointed many searchers out there but even though I may have already jumped the shark, I think I'll even pick on President Obama a bit...not because he's irritated me at all, he hasn't. I even got a kick out of his pardon of turkeys Courage and Carolina. Where did Courage come from? I don't know. I just know that I enjoy Presidential Turkey Pardons and have ever since George Bush the 1rst made it a official function of our Commander-in-Chief. That's pretty neat stuff...as Miley Cyrus and her father Billy Cyrus would say.

You know, I watched the Perky One on CBS News last night and I was amazed at how tiny her eyes were. Also, I was brow furrowed by the way Katie Couric wore her glasses...for the Republican Senator, she didn't wear glasses but for the next guy, she did. What's up with that? In the Emergency Department of Olympic Hospital they have TV's that you can pull really close to your face so you would think that a big network news show could figure out a way to either, put crap closer to Couric or just leave the glasses ON and back everything the hell up. I don't know if she has myopia, presbyopia, astigmatism or a tic that involves putting glasses on...but one of the Top 3 Networks should be able to pull that one off. They could even have the South Park show animators draw a pair of glasses on her face so she doesn't look quite so schizophrenic.

You may have noticed that I am trying to see how many searches find their was here because of all of the iconic, social and entertainment references that I'm haphazardly stringing together here. Now I am going to bask in the land of porn so you have been warned, skip this paragraph if you want to...it's something that Craigslist would most likely have flagged for removal (cowards that they can be...or maybe they're just lazy, I haven't figured it out yet.) Anyway, for some odd reason that I cannot POSSIBLY fathom...and I have given FAR too much thought to fathoming...people land on my blog by searching pussy worms. I don't get that. I did worms on my ceiling once, but never pussy worms. Also, I get a lot of hits from people who search for "women who like to suck pussy". I don't really get that. The only pussy I have ever sucked is this one:

...See? Why should men or women obsessed with pussy come here? I discuss pussy's, dicks and the late Michael Jackson almost as often as I discuss penis's, men on men sex or lesbianism...and that's not too often. But still, perverts of all persuasions find their way to Divorcing Rick Kelso. I get submissive, dominant, sado-masochist, great ass lovers as well as huge natural tit aficionados. Oh well, what goes on between consenting adults behind closed doors...

Sometimes I understand the searches. I get a lot of, 'wife gets revenge on husband', how much anti-freeze does it take to kill a man'? and 'Lorena Bobbitt: Where is she now?' I even understand the searches for deformed penis pictures, after all, I discussed my ex's messed up member a LOT.

Sadly, there seem to be an inordinate number of 'My husband left me when I got Multiple Sclerosis' which explains the searches for 'How to hide a dead husband".

Anyway, That's about it for now, but before I go, I need to annoy people who deserved to be annoyed:

Star Trek Conventions

Van Wilder 3

Greenhouse gasses, global warming and gay marriage

Angelina Jolie

Chelsea Clinton's fiancé

Where's Waldo?

Where is Carrot-top performing?

Donny Osmond should have won Dancing with the Stars

Will there be another Rocky movie?

Find your local KKK meeting

The new Windex is yellow, can I still use it on my windows?

Bi-sexual college sluts

Bi-curious men

OK, I'm done for now. If you happen to think of other worthy searches, please, don't hesitate to put them in the comments section!

And that's the way it is.

-Walter Cronkite