The Wise Woman Reduces Her Exposure To Certain Men
Before I get started, I must post my disclaimer regarding men and women. I write from my own experience. As a heterosexual female, my experiences are with men. I fully admit that most men would have a few things to say about women. I understand that the following behaviors can be attributed to men OR women. Also, I know that all men are not the idiots that I am referring to here. I know a few really decent men and I am quite sure that most of the men in my family are NOT evil. My family is a bit "different", but I bet most families have some decent men in them, as does my family. But, that's no fun to write about on a divorce blog. So, here's hoping that I don't offend the decent members of the male species...and to the others...go pound sand.
OK...the following red flags are NEVER flukes...they are ALWAYS a part of a pattern that only gets worse so please ladies, pay close attention to the following glowing red flags:
1. You're in a car with a man who smokes and he actually LOCKS the passenger controller that raises and lowers the passenger window...always...even after you've asked him nicely to allow you control to the window to the fresh air.
2. Have you ever heard about men who don't want their women to lose weight? They don't really say, "DON'T LOSE WEIGHT!"...they just bug the heck out of you until you eat. They seem to worry more about your diet than you do. If you serve them dinner when they're hungry and you don't eat at the same time, they get annoyed and have all sorts of reasons why you're rude for not eating with them...whether you're hungry or not. And to top it off, you only cooked for them, you weren't hungry in the first place.
3. If he does something that bothers you, you should be able to tell him and he should want to know about it. He should not blame everything that bothers YOU on the fact that he's tired, the fact that he has "stuff on his mind" or the fact that somehow, you provoked the behavior in the first place. Real men WANT to know how you feel, red-flaggers just want you to shut-up.
4. Watch out for men who ask you what's wrong and after you tell them they shout, "Why is it always MY fault!" You never bitched, you were just dumb enough to answer their question.
5. They act like an idiot and then tell you that you should be more understanding. After all, he just woke up, he doesn't feel well or he isn't in a good mood. Naturally, no excuse YOU could ever come up with excuses ANYTHING you might say or do...but you had better be understanding when they act like a jerk.
6. When you put on makeup, do you hear, "Why are you getting all dolled up?" When you're putting on shoes and socks, do you hear, "Where are you going?" When your phone rings, do you hear, "Who is it?" Is he more concerned about your phone calls and your social life than you are?
7. Does he try to get "answers" out of you by saying things like, "You might as well admit it, the neighbors saw you!"
8. Is he pushy about joining your social media outlets? Does he ask who your friends are? Has he ever discussed you with other people using information that you shared with him out of trust? Does he have NO respect for your privacy? When you assert your desire for privacy, do you hear things like, "If you have nothing to hide, why don't you just tell me?"
9. Is he into the never-ending date? Does he pick you up on Friday and stay with you until Monday? Does he "love" you before he has a chance to find out if you have a criminal record?
10. Do you find people suddenly staying away from you? Your family, his family or anyone else...people seem to dislike you for no reason. Do you wonder what is he telling people about you?
I could go on forever but I'll stop at this 10. Next, I'll post a bunch of comments you should never here.
OK...the following red flags are NEVER flukes...they are ALWAYS a part of a pattern that only gets worse so please ladies, pay close attention to the following glowing red flags:
1. You're in a car with a man who smokes and he actually LOCKS the passenger controller that raises and lowers the passenger window...always...even after you've asked him nicely to allow you control to the window to the fresh air.
2. Have you ever heard about men who don't want their women to lose weight? They don't really say, "DON'T LOSE WEIGHT!"...they just bug the heck out of you until you eat. They seem to worry more about your diet than you do. If you serve them dinner when they're hungry and you don't eat at the same time, they get annoyed and have all sorts of reasons why you're rude for not eating with them...whether you're hungry or not. And to top it off, you only cooked for them, you weren't hungry in the first place.
3. If he does something that bothers you, you should be able to tell him and he should want to know about it. He should not blame everything that bothers YOU on the fact that he's tired, the fact that he has "stuff on his mind" or the fact that somehow, you provoked the behavior in the first place. Real men WANT to know how you feel, red-flaggers just want you to shut-up.
4. Watch out for men who ask you what's wrong and after you tell them they shout, "Why is it always MY fault!" You never bitched, you were just dumb enough to answer their question.
5. They act like an idiot and then tell you that you should be more understanding. After all, he just woke up, he doesn't feel well or he isn't in a good mood. Naturally, no excuse YOU could ever come up with excuses ANYTHING you might say or do...but you had better be understanding when they act like a jerk.
6. When you put on makeup, do you hear, "Why are you getting all dolled up?" When you're putting on shoes and socks, do you hear, "Where are you going?" When your phone rings, do you hear, "Who is it?" Is he more concerned about your phone calls and your social life than you are?
7. Does he try to get "answers" out of you by saying things like, "You might as well admit it, the neighbors saw you!"
8. Is he pushy about joining your social media outlets? Does he ask who your friends are? Has he ever discussed you with other people using information that you shared with him out of trust? Does he have NO respect for your privacy? When you assert your desire for privacy, do you hear things like, "If you have nothing to hide, why don't you just tell me?"
9. Is he into the never-ending date? Does he pick you up on Friday and stay with you until Monday? Does he "love" you before he has a chance to find out if you have a criminal record?
10. Do you find people suddenly staying away from you? Your family, his family or anyone else...people seem to dislike you for no reason. Do you wonder what is he telling people about you?
I could go on forever but I'll stop at this 10. Next, I'll post a bunch of comments you should never here.
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:45 AM
2 Comments:
OMG- #3 is so right. I am just starting a divorce after 10 years of marriage. I should have stopped it a long time ago. All along it seems I got blamed for everything, and he never really cared what bothered me. I was just labeled as critical.
Oh God that last one hit home. My ex=asshole (of whom you and I have spoken in the past) apparently told his family some really horrible things about me. These are people who to my face would tell that they were happy he found me and that he was a better person when with me. Flash forward a few years and the 3 women in his immediate family - 2 sisters and a mother - write letters to the court telling them that you are an abusive mother, that the children are terrified of you and that you lied to everyone about everything, "stole" your husbands money (which is funny because I made more than him and it was a joint account. How could I steal what was mine?), belittled him in public and generally are grade A piece of shit. Then they sent a copy to MY mother. What in the hell?
I never had friends all through our marriage. He would bend over backwards to ensure I had none. I never learned what it was he told them but as soon as I made a new one and he met them I would almost immediately be avoided and get dirty looks. WHY do they do this to someone they supposedly love?
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