I think I figured out my problem...
He barked, "It's for emphasis! I gently mentioned that the things he says are hurtful. I think he apologized or said "fuck you"... or something like that.
I thought about being a kid and thinking that all his ramblings were evidence that I wasn't good enough for him, or anything else for that matter. I'm surprised I didn't leave for San Francisco to be a hippie sooner than I did. Actually, if I had left sooner, I would have enjoyed the hey-days of Haight Ashbury instead of marrying a marine who got out of the Corp by way of Section 8.
Anyway, I'm doing well...for a suicidal wreck who uses the hope of good stuff to stick around. If I did commit suicide, I would do it where someone I didn't like would find my body. I'd eat a lot of laxatives just to be a bitch.