Dear Meg,
I read your blog from the other day about kids using drugs and wondered if you had any advice to give me to get my kids to stay away from drugs, how do you keep your daughter being so good the way she turned out...?
Well, that’s an excellent question and although I’m not sure that I’m the best person in the world to ask, since you did ask, I would be happy to answer it in the best way that I know how.
The first thing that comes to mind is to keep the lines of communication open. You don’t say how old your children are...but ideally, you should start that early in their life. As soon as you can, start asking them how their day went. Show an interest in them and their life early on so that when they become teenagers, you don’t all of a sudden begin asking them questions...a teenager would find that suspect and would be likely to shy away from such a conversation. Mealtimes are a great time for such chats...it’s a very good idea to do your best to have the family eat dinner together, if not other meals as well. If asking them about their day is "normal" to them, they’re much more likely to enjoy those little chats themselves.
If you haven’t started that early and your kids are older, there’s no reason why you can’t just start it now. If they ask you why you’re asking them, just say something like, "I’m just interested in you and I’d like to know if you had a nice day." Don’t interrogate them, once again, they’re rather suspect of us as parents and they're likely to think that we’re trying to "trick them" into saying something. So, if they do become defensive, back off for the time being and ask them again later. Ask questions about school, start conversations about your childhood, anything that might make them open up to you. Talk about yourself and your family. Tell them stories about things that you did and ask them if they have any questions that they’d like to ask you. Do whatever you can to open up the lines of communication.
Take them out for special little trips, do things with them that they enjoy and spend time with each child individually as well as spending time with all of them together.
Like I said in the post I wrote about my daughter, praise them at every possible opportunity. That’s another thing that should be started early in life but of course, it’s never too late. When I was in 5th grade, I had a wonderful teacher named Mrs. Nichols who would play the piano as we all stood around her singing. One day she said to me, "Margaret, You have a beautiful voice!" I remember that well and it stands out in my memory because I don’t really remember being complimented as a child. That one comment meant so much to me that I remember it now, 37 years later. Every child should be praised often, self esteem is so very important to all of us, no matter our age. A confident, secure child is so much less likely to use drugs than one who is unsure of and feels badly about themselves.
As pertains to drugs specifically, once again, begin as early as possible to have discussions with them about drugs and the terrible things that can happen to them as a result of drug use. Make sure that everything you say is the truth. Drug use is bad enough, there’s no reason to lie and injure your credibility when it comes to such important subjects. Kids are smart and they know more than we think that they do already. Educate yourself so that you can teach them as much as possible. Tell them what the signs of drug use are. There are a couple of reasons to do that. One reason is that you want them to know what drugs can do to them. Another reason is that by telling them the signs of drug use, you’re dropping a hint that you know what to look for without actually telling them that you’re always looking for the signs yourself.
Use the teenager’s vanity to your benefit. Tell them how awful people who use drugs look. When I was in jail, I saw a few women that I thought were really, really old. One of them turned out to be ten years younger than I and a few others were actually about my age. But they all looked haggard and much older than me. I literally thought that they were old, old ladies but they weren’t, they had just been ravaged by drug and/or alcohol abuse. It was stunning to me that women of my own age could look so hideously older than they were.
If you come up against a kid who knows that marijuana isn’t really such an evil drug, tell them that if nothing else, it IS illegal and THAT alone is a good reason to stay away from it. If you need help in that area, call your local police department and tell them that you’re trying to teach your children to stay away from drugs. I bet that they’d be happy to assist you, perhaps they might even let you bring the kids down to the department, if not the jail itself, to speak to your kids about some of the legal implications of drug use.
Take them to an AA or NA meeting. Check out the local meetings in your area, some of them are what they call "open meetings" and some are not. Find an open meeting and take your kids to hear the stories that these people are more than willing to share. Recovering alcoholics and addicts tell stories about their lives, how they began using and what happened to them as a result of their use.
Those are just a few ideas that I came up with off of the top of my head and I’m sure that you can go to your local library and find much more information available to you and your children. Like I said, educate yourself as much as possible so that you’re ready with the answers to any questions that they might have. If they have a question that you can’t answer, tell them that you can’t answer the question and then suggest that you go find the answer together.
Whatever you do, do it in a patient and loving way so that they feel as though they can come to you with anything. As a matter of fact, tell them that they CAN come to you with anything. If they tell you things that make you want to strangle them, resist the urge and thank them for trusting you. Don’t ever punish a child for telling you the truth, they may never do it again. That’s not to say that you should be HAPPY that they’ve admitted something to you, just stop for a moment and approach them with the love and patience that they deserve for trusting you enough to tell you things that they may have otherwise kept to themselves.
I hope that I’ve helped in some way but like I said, there are many, many books that have been written by professionals, all parents should read such books and garner as much information as possible so that when the day comes, they can be ready to help their children.
OK, now I have to take my dog for a walk. I don’t usually enjoy walking at nighttime, it frightens me. But, walking a dog that is as large as this one is, I’m fearless. I’ll be back later.
See ya,
Meg
I read your blog from the other day about kids using drugs and wondered if you had any advice to give me to get my kids to stay away from drugs, how do you keep your daughter being so good the way she turned out...?
Well, that’s an excellent question and although I’m not sure that I’m the best person in the world to ask, since you did ask, I would be happy to answer it in the best way that I know how.
The first thing that comes to mind is to keep the lines of communication open. You don’t say how old your children are...but ideally, you should start that early in their life. As soon as you can, start asking them how their day went. Show an interest in them and their life early on so that when they become teenagers, you don’t all of a sudden begin asking them questions...a teenager would find that suspect and would be likely to shy away from such a conversation. Mealtimes are a great time for such chats...it’s a very good idea to do your best to have the family eat dinner together, if not other meals as well. If asking them about their day is "normal" to them, they’re much more likely to enjoy those little chats themselves.
If you haven’t started that early and your kids are older, there’s no reason why you can’t just start it now. If they ask you why you’re asking them, just say something like, "I’m just interested in you and I’d like to know if you had a nice day." Don’t interrogate them, once again, they’re rather suspect of us as parents and they're likely to think that we’re trying to "trick them" into saying something. So, if they do become defensive, back off for the time being and ask them again later. Ask questions about school, start conversations about your childhood, anything that might make them open up to you. Talk about yourself and your family. Tell them stories about things that you did and ask them if they have any questions that they’d like to ask you. Do whatever you can to open up the lines of communication.
Take them out for special little trips, do things with them that they enjoy and spend time with each child individually as well as spending time with all of them together.
Like I said in the post I wrote about my daughter, praise them at every possible opportunity. That’s another thing that should be started early in life but of course, it’s never too late. When I was in 5th grade, I had a wonderful teacher named Mrs. Nichols who would play the piano as we all stood around her singing. One day she said to me, "Margaret, You have a beautiful voice!" I remember that well and it stands out in my memory because I don’t really remember being complimented as a child. That one comment meant so much to me that I remember it now, 37 years later. Every child should be praised often, self esteem is so very important to all of us, no matter our age. A confident, secure child is so much less likely to use drugs than one who is unsure of and feels badly about themselves.
As pertains to drugs specifically, once again, begin as early as possible to have discussions with them about drugs and the terrible things that can happen to them as a result of drug use. Make sure that everything you say is the truth. Drug use is bad enough, there’s no reason to lie and injure your credibility when it comes to such important subjects. Kids are smart and they know more than we think that they do already. Educate yourself so that you can teach them as much as possible. Tell them what the signs of drug use are. There are a couple of reasons to do that. One reason is that you want them to know what drugs can do to them. Another reason is that by telling them the signs of drug use, you’re dropping a hint that you know what to look for without actually telling them that you’re always looking for the signs yourself.
Use the teenager’s vanity to your benefit. Tell them how awful people who use drugs look. When I was in jail, I saw a few women that I thought were really, really old. One of them turned out to be ten years younger than I and a few others were actually about my age. But they all looked haggard and much older than me. I literally thought that they were old, old ladies but they weren’t, they had just been ravaged by drug and/or alcohol abuse. It was stunning to me that women of my own age could look so hideously older than they were.
If you come up against a kid who knows that marijuana isn’t really such an evil drug, tell them that if nothing else, it IS illegal and THAT alone is a good reason to stay away from it. If you need help in that area, call your local police department and tell them that you’re trying to teach your children to stay away from drugs. I bet that they’d be happy to assist you, perhaps they might even let you bring the kids down to the department, if not the jail itself, to speak to your kids about some of the legal implications of drug use.
Take them to an AA or NA meeting. Check out the local meetings in your area, some of them are what they call "open meetings" and some are not. Find an open meeting and take your kids to hear the stories that these people are more than willing to share. Recovering alcoholics and addicts tell stories about their lives, how they began using and what happened to them as a result of their use.
Those are just a few ideas that I came up with off of the top of my head and I’m sure that you can go to your local library and find much more information available to you and your children. Like I said, educate yourself as much as possible so that you’re ready with the answers to any questions that they might have. If they have a question that you can’t answer, tell them that you can’t answer the question and then suggest that you go find the answer together.
Whatever you do, do it in a patient and loving way so that they feel as though they can come to you with anything. As a matter of fact, tell them that they CAN come to you with anything. If they tell you things that make you want to strangle them, resist the urge and thank them for trusting you. Don’t ever punish a child for telling you the truth, they may never do it again. That’s not to say that you should be HAPPY that they’ve admitted something to you, just stop for a moment and approach them with the love and patience that they deserve for trusting you enough to tell you things that they may have otherwise kept to themselves.
I hope that I’ve helped in some way but like I said, there are many, many books that have been written by professionals, all parents should read such books and garner as much information as possible so that when the day comes, they can be ready to help their children.
OK, now I have to take my dog for a walk. I don’t usually enjoy walking at nighttime, it frightens me. But, walking a dog that is as large as this one is, I’m fearless. I’ll be back later.
See ya,
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 6:23 PM
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