I'm fine...

...I just had some thinking to do. I went out with a guy the other day and we had a pretty good time. Shortly before I last left him, I found out that he was in another relationship. I hate that. I hate it because it sort of makes me look like an idiot.

It does that because everyone who saw me with him assumes that we slept together and we didn't. They assume that I knew about the other woman and I didn't. It's a bitch and a half and the more I think about it the more annoyed I get. Damn.

At the time I was just glad that he didn't lie. That's rather refreshing. But even the truth sucks some times. I started thinking about it and wondered what to do and when I looked at it from a selfish point of view, dating him anyway didn't seem so bad. He's not married after all. But when I looked at it from any distance whatsoever I had to admit that there was no way that I could justify dating a guy who would cheat on a committed relationship. That would be as stupid as was going back to Rick after one of his affairs.

When it came to loyalty and honor, I expected something different even though nothing that Rick did was different. I don't know what I was thinking, but it wasn't bright. He used to ask me what it would take for me to trust him. I told him that if he went through one year without lying I might consider it. He couldn't do that. And even so, I stayed in the marriage long after it died.

I should have known better than to keep shooting the dice with a man. If he fucks enough of them he'll leave with one sooner or later. Rick was coming here on a regular basis a few weeks ago but I purposely said something that I knew would get to him. It was when I compared him to a slut. That was cold. But I meant every word of it.

I had to do that...just to keep from asking myself why he was there all the time. I started to wonder a bit too much so I had to get rid of him. Just because I don't trust myself anymore when it comes to that fool.

He never wanted the divorce. At least that's what he said. He just wanted a "two to three year separation". It's been a bit over three years now so if we got back together now he would get everything he always wanted and that can't be. If I can't get ANYTHING that I want, he's certainly not going to get EVERYTHING that he wants.

So, I had to get nasty at him and that's too bad. But it worked. He stopped coming as much. I like it that I took care of that like I did. Now I have to do the same thing with the other guy.

I'm supposed to see him again Monday night. That date was set up before I heard anything about the girlfriend. I guess I'll just tell him that I can't do the cheating thing and to call me if he ever breaks up with the chick. But I'm not stupid, I'll let him take me out first. That's not too bad of a thing to do. After all, he owes me at least a night out after all the time I've spent thinking this one over...don't ya think?

Rick, doing the right thing isn't that tough...you should try it sometime.

Meg