Can anyone guess...
...what this is:
I'll give you a hint. It has something to do with the penis.Yes folks, here we have the PenisMaster...the only tool proven to enlarge a man's penis and torture any ex-husband! It's the perfect Christmas gift for that special someone who seems to come up a bit short in the penis department. And what pubescent boy wouldn't love his own penis enlarger? You can even check Weird Uncle Harold off of the gift list and rest assured that he'll receive hours of enjoyment from his new toy! Wait...there's more!If you order within the next ten minutes, you'll get a bottle of Enlargel FREE with your order!
Andy, why did you start using Enlargel?
"I learned all the tricks. But, no matter how many razor blades you go through, no matter how many showers you take, you can’t change your genetics with parlor tricks. Some of us were born lucky men; some of us need a little help from science. I spent a lot of spare moments asking the guys what they did to get so big. You might think that sounds a little forward of me, but let’s face it, I was in one of those ‘anything goes’ situations."
All the tricks? (razor blades?)
"Oh, sure, there are tricks to make your penis look bigger. Ever wonder why porn stars usually shave ‘down there?’ Shaving or trimming your pubic hair makes it look bigger. Losing a couple extra pounds will make your erection seem larger too, if your penis is being hidden by excess flab. Another thing you can do right beforehand is take a hot shower. Whenever your body is warm, your blood vessels dilate, allowing more blood inside."
Andy, would you please explain "jelqing" to the audience?
"Jelqing, or milking, refers to the exercise technique used to enhance one’s penis. Jelqing involves increasing the blood pressure in the penis, thereby maximizing the size, particularly when erect. Usually, Jelqing requires wrapping your fingers around the base of the penis while semi-erect as you simultaneously force blood into the penis with the other hand. A warmup, involving a warm compress on the penis both before and after the exercise, helps to draw the blood into the area."
Ouch! I'm a girl and that sounds painful to me!
"It’s a hands-on activity with clear action by the user. While this is more time-consuming than pills or patches, it should not go out for an extremely large amount of time lest you damage your penis."
Well, (hahahahah) I guess we should tell the men out there what to look for in the way of a "damaged penis", Andy?
"If done improperly, jelqing can result in burst blood vessels or urethral bleeding."
Ouch again, dude! So you're saying that a bleeding johnson is a sign that something is wrong? Gotcha...hear that men? If you should hemorrage out your pecker...stop what you're doing and seek medical attention, OK?
So, Andy...tell me, how much time do you devote to penis enlargement in any given day?
"A Typical workout;- warmup/stretching- jelqing slow and gently, again additional warmup- Regular device jelqs down, out, up.- Jelq Variation 1: with the free hand at the base holding with a OK grip, stepping up the pressure and expansion.- Jelq Variation 2: sliding the OK grip up toward device and gland. see below for details- Jelq Variation 3: Jelqing with ring on the base of my dick. Maximum time of 10 minutes for the week workout cycle.- Warmdown with hand message down the sides of my dick traveling to the gland only(not top & Bottom of Penis).Time frame of 20 - 35 minutes a day."
Well, there you have it folks...straight from Andy's mouth. Speaking of which, Andy, don't you think a half hour blow-job would do the same thing? If you do, how much would you pay for oral suction based penis enlargement sessions?
Oops, Andy is down folks! Loosen his clothes someone! Oh, not his pants....OH MY GOD! Get that thing off his penis!
Anyway, for the first ten callers, a free oral suction based penis enlargement session!So, call 1-800-BIG-COCK and make all of her fantasies come true!
...what this is:
I'll give you a hint. It has something to do with the penis.Yes folks, here we have the PenisMaster...the only tool proven to enlarge a man's penis and torture any ex-husband! It's the perfect Christmas gift for that special someone who seems to come up a bit short in the penis department. And what pubescent boy wouldn't love his own penis enlarger? You can even check Weird Uncle Harold off of the gift list and rest assured that he'll receive hours of enjoyment from his new toy! Wait...there's more!If you order within the next ten minutes, you'll get a bottle of Enlargel FREE with your order!
Andy, why did you start using Enlargel?
"I learned all the tricks. But, no matter how many razor blades you go through, no matter how many showers you take, you can’t change your genetics with parlor tricks. Some of us were born lucky men; some of us need a little help from science. I spent a lot of spare moments asking the guys what they did to get so big. You might think that sounds a little forward of me, but let’s face it, I was in one of those ‘anything goes’ situations."
All the tricks? (razor blades?)
"Oh, sure, there are tricks to make your penis look bigger. Ever wonder why porn stars usually shave ‘down there?’ Shaving or trimming your pubic hair makes it look bigger. Losing a couple extra pounds will make your erection seem larger too, if your penis is being hidden by excess flab. Another thing you can do right beforehand is take a hot shower. Whenever your body is warm, your blood vessels dilate, allowing more blood inside."
Andy, would you please explain "jelqing" to the audience?
"Jelqing, or milking, refers to the exercise technique used to enhance one’s penis. Jelqing involves increasing the blood pressure in the penis, thereby maximizing the size, particularly when erect. Usually, Jelqing requires wrapping your fingers around the base of the penis while semi-erect as you simultaneously force blood into the penis with the other hand. A warmup, involving a warm compress on the penis both before and after the exercise, helps to draw the blood into the area."
Ouch! I'm a girl and that sounds painful to me!
"It’s a hands-on activity with clear action by the user. While this is more time-consuming than pills or patches, it should not go out for an extremely large amount of time lest you damage your penis."
Well, (hahahahah) I guess we should tell the men out there what to look for in the way of a "damaged penis", Andy?
"If done improperly, jelqing can result in burst blood vessels or urethral bleeding."
Ouch again, dude! So you're saying that a bleeding johnson is a sign that something is wrong? Gotcha...hear that men? If you should hemorrage out your pecker...stop what you're doing and seek medical attention, OK?
So, Andy...tell me, how much time do you devote to penis enlargement in any given day?
"A Typical workout;- warmup/stretching- jelqing slow and gently, again additional warmup- Regular device jelqs down, out, up.- Jelq Variation 1: with the free hand at the base holding with a OK grip, stepping up the pressure and expansion.- Jelq Variation 2: sliding the OK grip up toward device and gland. see below for details- Jelq Variation 3: Jelqing with ring on the base of my dick. Maximum time of 10 minutes for the week workout cycle.- Warmdown with hand message down the sides of my dick traveling to the gland only(not top & Bottom of Penis).Time frame of 20 - 35 minutes a day."
Well, there you have it folks...straight from Andy's mouth. Speaking of which, Andy, don't you think a half hour blow-job would do the same thing? If you do, how much would you pay for oral suction based penis enlargement sessions?
Oops, Andy is down folks! Loosen his clothes someone! Oh, not his pants....OH MY GOD! Get that thing off his penis!
Anyway, for the first ten callers, a free oral suction based penis enlargement session!So, call 1-800-BIG-COCK and make all of her fantasies come true!
posted by Meg Kelso | 11:11 AM
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