Last night I dreamt all night long...
...about things that happened when I was a teenager. It was one of those weird, realistic dreams where you wake up wondering where the last 30 years went. Then, I realized that I wasn't 18, I'm WAAAY past that. The last dream of the night was about a vacation I took across the country when I was 18. That really happened although the dream was quite different than the actual experience.
When I was 18, I went on a vacation across the Southwest on my way to San Francisco (where I ended up living, actually Petaluma, Ca. for two years.). At one point, I was in Hollywood, on Hollywood Boulevard, waiting for my a guy that I met on my trip to come out of his office. I was literally sitting on the curb in front of the building. Some man came up to me and leaned over to ask me a question. He said, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"
I was so pleased with my bad self. I thought that I must be hot, to be getting hit on in Hollywood. Then, my friend came down and took me to a Greek restaurant for lunch. I told him about the guy who thought that I was pretty. He laughed and said, "He thought you were a hooker!"
I wished he hadn't said that. Up until then, I felt totally cool. That just burst my bubble.
Anyway, I just mis-read men so maybe I could have had a grocery store pick-up if I had paid closer attention. Maybe I should try an auto parts store! I can repeat a performance of a stupid thing that I did once. The look on the guy's face when I did it was priceless. So much so, that I have to do it again every so often.
The first time that I did it, I was really just stupid. After that, I did it for the amazing fun of it. I went to an auto parts store because the funnel that I was using for the oil was too big. So, I needed a smaller one. I told the guy at the counter.
He said, "They're all the same size."
"Well, this funnel is too big for my oil hole."
"That funnel fits all cars."
"Not mine."
He was insistent, "They are all THIS size!"
"Well, the hole on mine is a helluva lot smaller than that and the holes in every other car that I've ever had have been the same size. I need the SMALL funnel!"
"Show me where you're putting the oil."So, I took him outside and showed him. He said, "That's the dipstick hole."
Then, he showed me a HUGE hole that his funnel would fit in. I was amazed. It took half as long to pour and you spilled much less. Then, if it wasn't bad enough that I didn't know that in the first place, I thought other people didn't know it either so I told them.
Eventually, I felt appropriately stupid. I guess I had seen someone check the oil but not need to fill it so I just thought that the stupid tiny hole was the one where you put the oil.
Anyway, after I bought a cam-corder, my daughter and I took it to an auto parts store and filmed me doing that to an innocent clerk. That was fun. I miss my daughter. We have so much fun together.
We go to the Dollar Store and ask for price checks, over and over again. We go to grocery stores or Target and throw tampax in some young dude's cart who happens to be shopping alone. Maybe a douche or two.
That really is fun. You should try it some time. It's really just good, old-fashioned, harmless fun. If you get really creative, you can have a lot of fun for very little money. Just remember to get in line behind the guy so that you can see his reaction when the checker scans the douche.
Oh well, enough of me and my practical jokes. I woke up early today because I have an appointment at 9 AM. When I got out of bed, I was so cold that my nipples were painfully hard. I looked at the thermostat and found that someone in this house had turned the heat OFF! Doesn't that just blow? When I was a kid, my father wouldn't let the heat go above 68 and now I have my own home and I pay all the bills and yet I STILL can't stay warm if I want to.
I've decided what I want for Christmas...a digital camcorder that I can take out and film stuff to post on the blog. The problem is I don't know anyone who would spend that much on me. :( Perhaps I'll send them all a card that says, "A gift in your name has been delivered to Meg Kelso.
:):):)
...about things that happened when I was a teenager. It was one of those weird, realistic dreams where you wake up wondering where the last 30 years went. Then, I realized that I wasn't 18, I'm WAAAY past that. The last dream of the night was about a vacation I took across the country when I was 18. That really happened although the dream was quite different than the actual experience.
When I was 18, I went on a vacation across the Southwest on my way to San Francisco (where I ended up living, actually Petaluma, Ca. for two years.). At one point, I was in Hollywood, on Hollywood Boulevard, waiting for my a guy that I met on my trip to come out of his office. I was literally sitting on the curb in front of the building. Some man came up to me and leaned over to ask me a question. He said, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"
I was so pleased with my bad self. I thought that I must be hot, to be getting hit on in Hollywood. Then, my friend came down and took me to a Greek restaurant for lunch. I told him about the guy who thought that I was pretty. He laughed and said, "He thought you were a hooker!"
I wished he hadn't said that. Up until then, I felt totally cool. That just burst my bubble.
Anyway, I just mis-read men so maybe I could have had a grocery store pick-up if I had paid closer attention. Maybe I should try an auto parts store! I can repeat a performance of a stupid thing that I did once. The look on the guy's face when I did it was priceless. So much so, that I have to do it again every so often.
The first time that I did it, I was really just stupid. After that, I did it for the amazing fun of it. I went to an auto parts store because the funnel that I was using for the oil was too big. So, I needed a smaller one. I told the guy at the counter.
He said, "They're all the same size."
"Well, this funnel is too big for my oil hole."
"That funnel fits all cars."
"Not mine."
He was insistent, "They are all THIS size!"
"Well, the hole on mine is a helluva lot smaller than that and the holes in every other car that I've ever had have been the same size. I need the SMALL funnel!"
"Show me where you're putting the oil."So, I took him outside and showed him. He said, "That's the dipstick hole."
Then, he showed me a HUGE hole that his funnel would fit in. I was amazed. It took half as long to pour and you spilled much less. Then, if it wasn't bad enough that I didn't know that in the first place, I thought other people didn't know it either so I told them.
Eventually, I felt appropriately stupid. I guess I had seen someone check the oil but not need to fill it so I just thought that the stupid tiny hole was the one where you put the oil.
Anyway, after I bought a cam-corder, my daughter and I took it to an auto parts store and filmed me doing that to an innocent clerk. That was fun. I miss my daughter. We have so much fun together.
We go to the Dollar Store and ask for price checks, over and over again. We go to grocery stores or Target and throw tampax in some young dude's cart who happens to be shopping alone. Maybe a douche or two.
That really is fun. You should try it some time. It's really just good, old-fashioned, harmless fun. If you get really creative, you can have a lot of fun for very little money. Just remember to get in line behind the guy so that you can see his reaction when the checker scans the douche.
Oh well, enough of me and my practical jokes. I woke up early today because I have an appointment at 9 AM. When I got out of bed, I was so cold that my nipples were painfully hard. I looked at the thermostat and found that someone in this house had turned the heat OFF! Doesn't that just blow? When I was a kid, my father wouldn't let the heat go above 68 and now I have my own home and I pay all the bills and yet I STILL can't stay warm if I want to.
I've decided what I want for Christmas...a digital camcorder that I can take out and film stuff to post on the blog. The problem is I don't know anyone who would spend that much on me. :( Perhaps I'll send them all a card that says, "A gift in your name has been delivered to Meg Kelso.
:):):)
posted by Meg Kelso | 3:09 AM
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