There are a lot of people...

...out there who are smarter than I am. And I'm sure that I annoy the heck out of them. But there are many, many more who are much, much denser than I and they absolutely make me crazy. Most of you probably know how it feels to deal with an idiot...it's a no win situation no matter what the stakes.

I've heard it said that everyone has their own type of genius and if that's true, then reading people is my gift. From my perch I can pick out a dishonest person a mile away. (unless that person is family, then apparently I'm as dumb as everyone else is.) But dishonest people are easy...I just refuse to deal with them at all. Stupid people are much more difficult because they have jobs. And, as stupid as their job may be, if you're the one who needs them to do their job, you don't want to offend the morons. Think about it...would you want to irritate the yahoo scooping your fries up with that big scoop thing that fits in a little paper bag? At best he could give you cold fries, I don't even want to think about the worst he could do.

I don't remember exactly when I realized that I was brighter than most people but ever since I did, I see stupid people for what they are...stupid people. Most of them are functionally stupid and that's what makes them dangerous. Anyway, I've had a LOT of stupid people experience and I can assure you, the numbers of stupid women are a bit higher than the numbers of stupid men. I don't know why that is but it's true. Of course, you can't assume that any one chick is an idiot and, as my ex has proven, you can't assume that a man isn't an idiot. Ask him where PhiladelTHia is...really, ask him. Then ask him if he's ever been to Pepsi Cola Florida. Do it, I dare ya.

But, the fact remains that in general, women would massacre men in a war of idiots. Being surrounded by idiots is no fun at all. Idiot women are worse because they're women. I don't want to annoy another chick anymore than a smart man would want to annoy one of them. But ordinarily, stupid women experiences are sort of spread out and peppered with a dopey dude here and there. But this morning when I sat down to drink my coffee and read the news...the first 3 stories that I read were all totally about stupid things that women have done.

Now, I can't call them traditionally stupid because one of them is an astronaut, but even an astronaut can be "woman" stupid.

Some chick who should have shortened her name, Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper, "let go of her tool bag Tuesday after a grease gun inside it exploded, and helplessly watched as the tote and everything inside floated away." I imagine some guy gave her a bag of tools and then told her to take them into space but still, she IS the one who let go of them. I haven't ever heard of a man astronaut waving bye bye to a bag of tools.

But, I could almost let that go...it could have happened to anyone, right?

Wrong. I say that because little Heidemarie lost the tools thusly..."While wiping off herself, the white, backpack-size bag slipped out of her grip, and she lost all her other tools." So, she lost both the bag AND the rest of her tools.

Why? So that she could wipe herself off. I'm surprised she didn't rub some lotion on her hands after she did her best to look presentable. Short of those Queer Eye guys, I couldn't imagine a man stopping to wipe himself off, especially not in space. You would think that some sort of guard would be up, knowing that stuff does tend to float away out there.

Whatever. The thing that really bugs me is, couldn't she have grabbed for the bag? How long did she spend wiping herself off? From the pictures I've seen, things don't just bolt in space, they sort of peacefully float through space.

Anyway, after reading that story, I went directly to the next one where I learned of an idiot named Janella Spears. It seems as though "she simply became curious when she received an e-mail promising her $20.5 million if she would only help out a long-lost relative identified as J.B. Spears with a little money up front."

And then just to sound really stupid, "Spears told KATU-TV about the scammers' ability to identify her relative by name was persuasive. 'That's what got me to believe it,' She said. 'So, why wouldn't you send over $100?' "

Well, I can identify her by name too...do I get some cash? Oh yeah, she doesn't have anymore money at all.

This woman "mortgaged the house and took a lien out on the family car, and ran through her husband's retirement account." But she didn't stop there, she went deep into debt over this mess. Even after "Her family and bank officials told her it was all a scam, and begged her to stop, she persisted because she became obsessed with getting paid."

So now when she speaks of her husband she says, "The retirement he was dreaming of — cruising and going around and seeing America — is pretty much gone for him right now." Ain't THAT a bitch? Can you sue your wife for being that stupid?

That lunatic should be civilly liable if you can't prosecute her for stupidity. It may not sound fair, but some people are just criminally stupid and Janella is certainly one of those.

And, unfortunately I have to add myself as the third stupid female this morning. I totally forgot the third stupid woman story that I read earlier and now I can't find it. It wasn't listed in Google under "Stupid Women", but I bet this might make it.

If I should remember who the third stupid woman for the day was, I will let you know. In the meantime...it's gonna have to be me.