According to reliable sources...
...Santa Claus got an early gift this year. A North Pole insider states that the card on the gift was signed by Mrs. Claus, Prancer and an unidentified elf. Although there has been strict security all around Claus's North Pole compound, we have learned that the gift is the first real update to the Christmas Sleigh since Rudolph was moved to the lead reindeer position.
It's common knowledge that Santa traded in his mahogany runners for a pair of the shiniest white gold runners that the world has ever seen about 500 years ago. And of course, the sleigh bells sound much, much better ever since Mrs. Claus took down the dried walnuts and replaced them with silver bells in the 1100's. Santa even had a special ramp installed a few years back when he hired his first one legged elf.
But all of these changes will pale in comparison to the latest change to the old sleigh. Apparently, the gift includes a new GPS system as well as a new computer trunk where 3 elves will operate the toy bag as it replenishes the presents in mid air. The gift replenishing technology of old won't do at all anymore. There are just too many children to be visited and the older mechanism almost ran out of toys over South Jersey last year, necessitating the updates.
Back when there were only a few hundred children spread out around the Fertile Crescent, Santa's Sleigh was basically a large wooden platform and a chair pulled by 4 camels. As humans spread out around the world, Santa's Sleigh has truly kept up with the times. When people started to build boats, Santa had an inflatable pontoon built onto the bottom of the sleigh. Eventually, even after Santa traded in his camels for the reindeer, he had to develop a way to fly. Of course that change came about in the early 200's.
Then, when the weather patterns changed around the world, Rudolph saved Christmas the year of the Cloudy Night. As we all know, Rudolph with his nose so bright, helped Santa drive his sleigh that night. Rudolph has maintained the lead reindeer position ever since. After electric lights were invented, many thought that Rudolph and his nose were out of business but the lack of a really, really long electric plug assured Rudolph his job. Then of course, when the children started hearing about what Rudolph had done, he became a sentimental favorite and to this day, Santa refuses to entertain thoughts of moving Rudolph away from the front of the pack.
Although Santa never releases many details about his sleigh, we do know that it has a 3000 reindeer power engine. Most people mistakenly believe that the reindeer out front pull the sleigh but they don't. The reindeer that you can see simply steer the sleigh and with the new GPS system, a lot of mistakes will be avoided. One year Donner sneezed and everyone got confused leading Santa to actually drop a piece of coal down a good boy's chimney. That was the event that led to Santa's Declaration of '76, "As Mrs. Claus is my witness, I will never send a good child a piece of coal again!" And he kept his word but after a couple of close calls, he spent a lot of his off season tinkering with different solutions to that problem. (Oh, and Donner takes an anti-histamine every Christmas Eve, right before they suit up for take off.)
Whether or not Santa will grant us a peek at his tricked out sleigh is not known. But most newspapers are offering a LOT of money to anyone who gets a picture of Santa on the new sleigh. Of course, it's difficult to snap a picture of something that moves at Mach 8, but maybe one day camera technology will catch up with Santa and his contacts in Never Never Land, but it's not likely
...Santa Claus got an early gift this year. A North Pole insider states that the card on the gift was signed by Mrs. Claus, Prancer and an unidentified elf. Although there has been strict security all around Claus's North Pole compound, we have learned that the gift is the first real update to the Christmas Sleigh since Rudolph was moved to the lead reindeer position.
It's common knowledge that Santa traded in his mahogany runners for a pair of the shiniest white gold runners that the world has ever seen about 500 years ago. And of course, the sleigh bells sound much, much better ever since Mrs. Claus took down the dried walnuts and replaced them with silver bells in the 1100's. Santa even had a special ramp installed a few years back when he hired his first one legged elf.
But all of these changes will pale in comparison to the latest change to the old sleigh. Apparently, the gift includes a new GPS system as well as a new computer trunk where 3 elves will operate the toy bag as it replenishes the presents in mid air. The gift replenishing technology of old won't do at all anymore. There are just too many children to be visited and the older mechanism almost ran out of toys over South Jersey last year, necessitating the updates.
Back when there were only a few hundred children spread out around the Fertile Crescent, Santa's Sleigh was basically a large wooden platform and a chair pulled by 4 camels. As humans spread out around the world, Santa's Sleigh has truly kept up with the times. When people started to build boats, Santa had an inflatable pontoon built onto the bottom of the sleigh. Eventually, even after Santa traded in his camels for the reindeer, he had to develop a way to fly. Of course that change came about in the early 200's.
Then, when the weather patterns changed around the world, Rudolph saved Christmas the year of the Cloudy Night. As we all know, Rudolph with his nose so bright, helped Santa drive his sleigh that night. Rudolph has maintained the lead reindeer position ever since. After electric lights were invented, many thought that Rudolph and his nose were out of business but the lack of a really, really long electric plug assured Rudolph his job. Then of course, when the children started hearing about what Rudolph had done, he became a sentimental favorite and to this day, Santa refuses to entertain thoughts of moving Rudolph away from the front of the pack.
Although Santa never releases many details about his sleigh, we do know that it has a 3000 reindeer power engine. Most people mistakenly believe that the reindeer out front pull the sleigh but they don't. The reindeer that you can see simply steer the sleigh and with the new GPS system, a lot of mistakes will be avoided. One year Donner sneezed and everyone got confused leading Santa to actually drop a piece of coal down a good boy's chimney. That was the event that led to Santa's Declaration of '76, "As Mrs. Claus is my witness, I will never send a good child a piece of coal again!" And he kept his word but after a couple of close calls, he spent a lot of his off season tinkering with different solutions to that problem. (Oh, and Donner takes an anti-histamine every Christmas Eve, right before they suit up for take off.)
Whether or not Santa will grant us a peek at his tricked out sleigh is not known. But most newspapers are offering a LOT of money to anyone who gets a picture of Santa on the new sleigh. Of course, it's difficult to snap a picture of something that moves at Mach 8, but maybe one day camera technology will catch up with Santa and his contacts in Never Never Land, but it's not likely
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:33 AM
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