Is it me...

...or is Nancy Grace an utter and complete whack job? The Maury Povich of cable’s prime time talking heads, CNN’s helmet headed and confused crusader against all perceived evil people and their families, Grace is as rude as she is stupid.

Thanks to a poorly thought out decision to change from cable TV to satellite TV, I admit to finding myself watching that train wreck just long enough to become embarrassed for the woman herself and for the guests whom she abuses. It’s tough to make me uncomfortable in my own home, especially if you’re nowhere near my place. But somehow Nancy Grace did just that.

They do call the people who appear on shows “guests”, don’t they? That would sort of make Grace the hostess, wouldn’t it? Well, that lady needs some serious Amy Vanderbilt books and maybe even a copy of Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.

You would think that the first time she saw herself ask a question, totally misinterpret the answer and bash someone for something that they didn’t say, she would be careful not to do it again. Or, you would think that if she was daft enough to miss her own idiocy, perhaps her staff might point it out. But they don’t. I’m sure it’s because they love to see her look like a buffoon.

I have no problem with the fact that she soaks every missing child for every single rating and tear that she can. After all, she does keep the pictures and details out there and that’s a good thing. But her attitude gives away her true intent. She has all the sincerity of Dog The Bounty Hunter, all the charm of Judge Judy and all the brains of Jimmy Carter. But the Dog, the Judge and the ex-President all have the ability to comprehend the speech of others. They have to…Dog so that he can arrest them, Judy so that she can attack them and Carter so that he can stick his nose where it doesn't belong.

In case you’ve been lucky enough to have avoided the pit bull of a dog with a chicken bone, this is an example of how she treats those who dare to step into one of those tiny squares on her show:

Grace: What can you tell me about the blood on her shirt?
Guest: There’s no way to know until the test results come in but it’s possible that she was hit in the mouth during the struggle and that it’s her own blood.
Grace: Oh, oh, oh…are you saying what I think you’re saying? Do you actually believe that her own blood could possibly drip from her mouth during a struggle?! I’m just an attorney, what do I know…Dr. Soinso, weigh in please.
Dr. Soinso: Your other guest was right, we need to wait for the test results to know anything conclusive.
Grace: Oh my Lord! Am I the only one left with a brain cell here?!

I could almost understand Grace’s cult following…if she weren’t so incredibly consistent with her misunderstandings of the people whom she invites on to her show. Why they keep coming, I haven’t a clue. After the show, I can picture her walking away mumbling to herself, “I don’t know why they make me have guests, everyone but me is a MORON!”

Her show is just that, a show…and she is a showman. But who in the world wants to watch a show about a goofy looking stupid chick who invites people over every night to make them look foolish? I don’t get it.

After my stint on that Judge Pirro Show, I realized how much of those shows are staged. That experience sort of busted my reality TV cherry. Now I see how producers manipulate people and situations for ratings. I guess I always knew that they did that but until Pirro made ME look foolish for helping out a family member, I didn’t realize how pliable the audience was.

Grace may be an ignorant blond nit wit but she does recognize the pliability of most TV viewers. And just in case the viewer feels the slightest pang of empathy for someone like George and Cindy Anthony, who’s only crime is trusting and coddling a lying, manipulative daughter, Grace will do her best to wipe that affinity out of any heart that she can.

The Caylee Anthony story is a sad one, indeed. And I’m sure that if the Anthony’s had anything to do with their granddaughter’s disappearance, we would know it by now. Everything else in the story has been leaked by the prosecution.

The cops leaked the tapes of visits between the Anthony’s and their daughter. What POSSIBLE reason could they have for doing that? And when they did, Grace showed the same tapes over and over again and dissected every single sentence that was said. And then, when the family stopped giving her fodder for her show, she berated them publicly for not “consoling” their daughter in front of the cameras.

Grace reminds me of Bernie Mac’s character in Guess Who where he accuses Aston Kutcher’s character of racism when he doesn’t “trust” a hotel bellboy with his luggage. Then, when Kutcher asks the bellboy for help, Mac says, “Oh sure, treat him like your personal slave!” There was nothing that Kutcher’s character could have done to please Mac’s character and there’s not a damn thing that those poor grandparents can do to avoid Grace’s wrath.

I have a beautiful little granddaughter myself and I simply cannot imagine what those people must be going through. I also have imperfect children whom I love desperately.

Many parents feel the pain of raising a child only to see that child go to prison for decades. That in itself would be a heart-breaker. Many other parents and grandparents lose children. The pain of that is too hideous to even contemplate. The pain and emotional trauma that goes along with experiencing both events must be exponentially more acute.

I’ll agree that the Anthony’s raised their daughter in an enabling manner. She learned to be such a narcissistic monster somewhere. And perhaps they even continue to enable her. But they are the only people being deceived by Casey. The authorities, who are the only people who matter anyway, aren’t fooled by her at all. Let her parents grieve and deal with this dreadful situation on their own timetable. Not much can be hurt by allowing them that small concession, even Nancy Grace could still bitch, she should just keep her bitchiness aimed at the appropriate target.

If I could ask one question of Ms. Grace, it would be this, “What can the Anthony’s do that would make you happy?” I think already know the answer to that question.

I bet you a dollar to a donut that if Nancy Grace had been here 2000 years ago, she would be in charge of stoning social lepers of any and all types. If the Anthony’s refuse to throw a huge stone or two at their own daughter, Grace won’t let up on them…ever. I’m sure that it was someone with just her personality type who thought up games for the masses to watch in the Coliseum when condemned prisoners were sent to their deaths in various painful manners.

I don’t for a moment mean to suggest that the victims of Grace’s wrath don’t deserve some degree of uncomfortable retribution for their acts, most of them are pretty hideous people and perhaps the entire Anthony family are all hideous people. But I do question the earnest manner in which Nancy Grace assumes responsibility for chastising all who stand accused of a crime and even many who do not. Her methods and her misplaced tenacity only stand to suggest that being tried in the “courtroom of Nancy Grace” is more severe than being tried in a real court and the process is as vindictive, if not more so. You could almost claim Double Jeopardy after being tried in the savage and truculent “Court Of Grace”.

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