"I really don't know how you do it!...you get handed one bag of crap after another yet you keep a positive attitude."

Oh, I have my moments. I cried for two days after I came home from the hospital and found the power off. I did that for a bit and then I thought, "This is stupid." Crying may be OK for a while but it does absolutely NO GOOD!

Last Monday morning I woke up and decided to do whatever it takes to get the lights on and get this situation behind me so that I could relax and get back to normal. So, I decided that I was going to do at least one thing everyday to fix something.

So, what do people in the South do when they need cash? Why, they have a yard sale, of course! I sold 4 TV's, all of my electronic stuff, a bunch of my yard fixer things and assorted other stuff. That worked, my lights are on now! And you know what that means, don't you? I CAN USE MY COMPUTER!!!

Oh, before I sold all of the yard stuff, I used it all one last time. I trimmed the edges of the yard and got some nice man from Craigslist to come over and mow the lawn, trim the hedges, sweep the driveways and clean off my deck. I wish I had thought of that last summer. So, my yard looks pretty good and if I wanted to, I could turn lights on and see it. Well, not during the day, but you know what I mean.

Also, a friend of mine is trying to get me a job where she works and she'll drive me everyday so if that works out, so it won't hurt so much not being able to work in nursing for now. It's a not a bad job, it doesn't pay anything near what I'm used to, but it WILL pay the bills. I'm also trying to get another roommate. Between all of that, I should be fine.

The multiple sclerosis isn't that bad, besides falling a lot, I stutter, which I have never done before. My muscles jump for no reason and sometimes I can't swallow so it really, really could be a LOT worse!!!

I have my dog and he kept me company while I was in the dark. I'm SO lucky to have him. So, why not be positive? Trust me, I've tried negative...it doesn't do any good. So, I talked to myself for a while and scolded me for the self-pity thing and then I took a long, long walk. It was a lovely day and while you're taking a walk on a nice day, the world doesn't look so depressing. It was actually quite beautiful.

So, once I gave myself the pep talk, the rest was easy. I just got up early every morning and did something productive. Once you do that, good things start to happen. For example, I may get that job (I'll know by today sometime.) and if I do, that'll be a BIG help. The yard sale helped too.

Yesterday I walked to the grocery store and bought myself all kinds of fruit. I LOVE fruit. So, today is a fine day indeed. I have lights, Internet access, my yard looks good and I don't feel too badly at all today. A week ago, all of those things seemed close to impossible to accomplish. But when I'm confronted with a daunting task, I just do one thing at a time until I've taken care of it and that's what I'm doing now.

So, it's all just common sense, you have to be positive to do anything because negative doesn't help. And of course, the closer you come to finishing the task at hand, the better you feel so since I got a lot done of things this week, I feel quite well.

On top of ALL of that, I cannot believe that I've gone through all of this, the illnesses, the cheating bastard of a husband and the loss of the car for nothing. I FIRMLY believe that something good is in store for me. I have no clue when it'll happen and I really wish it would happen soon...but I'm sure it's gonna make this all worth it. Otherwise it's just one big joke and I hope someone's getting a laugh out of it.

Like Morgan Freeman said in Shawshank Redemption, "You gotta get busy living or get busy dying." I like my kids so I'll stick around and do my best to accomplish whatever I have to do.

:)