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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


...I wonder if I can tell you this entire story in one post? I'll try. It was one of those situations during which, as it was happening, I began to think, "Oh man, this is gonna make some serious blog posts." So, as I knew I would whilst it was happening, I'm going to tell you a bit of the story right now.

First let me set the scene a bit. Although it's almost gone, I've been harboring a nasty cold sore of the right side of my mouth for the past week. This guy, who I'll call "SSI Dude", had been coming to get me every view days, taking me to his lovely home, making me lovely dinners and serving me cocktails.

Thursday night, SSI Dude was pretty much not speaking to me, rather he was spending the entire evening on the computer. At one point I mentioned his odd attitude and he responded by saying that he "was a bit miffed" because I kissed him on the cheek after assuring him that my sore was past the contagious phase and besides, I only kissed him in front of his ear so I know he was good. We didn't swap spit or anything like that. Not until shortly before he took me home did he tell me why he was behaving so poorly...he thought that I had given him a cold sore. All he had was a small bruise on his lower lip and it went away with 24 hours so by the next evening, he knew that he had made a mistake in accusing me and another in coming all the way to my house just to bring me to his house where he could ignore me and I couldn't leave.

Then, the next night, he wanted to bring me back over to his house and asked what I would be drinking. I asked what he had and he said cheap Vodka and expensive everything else. I wasn't in the mood for any more of his Crystal Light/Vodka drinks and I don't care for red wine. I suggested we stop at the store to get a bottle of Coke because his mixer collection is either discolored or was purchased in the 1980's. As we were driving back to his place (and I was waiting for him to stop and get some Coke), he made a comment that took me aback quite a bit. He actually said:

"Don't drink all of my good stuff like the Crown Royal."

Now, I've had much better in life than that. But the only thing I saw that I wanted right then was something that I've had a hundred times, for special occasions as well as ordinary drinking times...rum and coke. It wasn't my fault that all he had was Bacardi. And, I would wager that well over half of my rum and cokes were made with Bacardi. But his Bacardi rum happened to be from Mexico, with a Mexican stamp on it and everything. He wanted me to be "careful" with that bottled because it was some sort of "special rum from Mexico and very expensive". Actually my options consisted of the cheap, cheap, cheap vodka that he was drinking or ANYTHING else in the cabinet.

First of all, it was an ordinary bottle of Bacardi and it wasn't even 151. Then, I opened the bottle and saw crystallised rum indicating that it had been there for "years". When I asked him, he said, "Yeah, it's 4 years old." An old bottle of mostly consumed 4 year old rum and he didn't want me to drink much of it. I guess you never know when you might have a lady for whom you care over for the evening.

Now, remember, on the way to his place I had asked for Coke. So, after hearing his offensive comments assuring me that I am not quite up to par with the sort of guests that he would serve the "good stuff"...I was so stunned that I forgot about the Coke and so did he. When we got back to his place he said, "Oh! I'm sure I have Coke somewhere here." He proceeded to hand me cans of Diet Coke, Caffeine Free Coke and Sprite. I guess he was doing his darndest to avoid leaving the house for me and he even tried this gem, "My financial situation has been bad lately, I can't really afford to be drinking good stuff." To which I responded, "THIS STUFF'S ALREADY PAID FOR!"

In all my years on Earth, any man who has taken me on a date would have been delighted to run to a close store and get me some Coke. This guy did everything to avoid it. It was like dating a Middle-Easterner.

Eventually of course, my silence as I sipped ice water FINALLY got through to him and he ran out to get some Coke so that I could enjoy my Friday evening.

I thought that he was simply drinking wine and maybe he was but he seemed to get rather tipsy rather quickly. He asked me to "Show me your boobs!" and other various and sundry parts of me. I wanted to ask his legal opinion about a potential case, because he's a professor of law. Before he answered, he walked over to me and started to pull my pants down so that he "could watch that pussy" as he answered my questions. I went the other way, I kept them up.

Anyway, I'm not a total ignoramus when it comes to legal issues so I knew the most obvious tact regarding my legal dilemma. The problem was that the obvious tact wasn't an option. So, I asked if he had any other ideas.

I was blown away. He spent the next 2 hours telling me the benefits of going with the original tact and how good he was at convincing people to do something they never wanted to do in the first place. There wasn't a damn thing that I could do to make him stop trying to convince me that my original idea was best, no matter how many times I told him it was NOT an option. I wanted to slap him on the side of the head. I had to take a pill.

He had obviously had a bit too much of the drink to be driving and I didn't have my car so even if I knew HOW to get home from there, I couldn't have done it.

So, I flopped on the couch and listened as my creepy date swapped IM's and pics back and forth on the computer in the next room. That's where I woke up in the morning.

Then, when I got home, a guy whom I haven't seen in a few months showed up to surprise me with a gift. That was so sweet! So, when I decide to invite someone to my place for dinner and a movie, guess who'll be coming to dinner?


Anonymous Wendy in Houston said...

Wow that was pretty weird. I wonder who he is saving "the good stuff" for? That would have really chapped my hide!

May 24, 2009  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

LOLOL, good phrase, "chapped my hide", far too much to get himself near my hide.


May 25, 2009  

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