The more I date...
...the more of a chore it gets to be but for some reason, I find it necessary to work like an idiot in hopes of meeting that ONE guy who I don't want to push out of a speeding car. That guy has eluded me thus far but in the meantime, I'm honing my Bitch Skills in the hopes of shortening my association with nit wits. I recognize them easily enough...but it takes a bit to get rid of them once I get wind of any challenges, intellectual or social, that a man might harbor.
What I find fascinating is the propensity that so many men have for playing silly games that serve no purpose other than to sap my strength and kill my buzz. I don't even think that they realize they're doing it yet they do it with amazing predictability. Consider this discussion:
HE: I need to tell you something about myself...
ME: No, you don't, not while I'm watching this movie.
HE: Whoa! You're so defensive, how did you get that way?
ME: I'm not defensive, I'm watching Cinderella Man.
HE: I think you should look inside of yourself and see if you don't see any defensive attitudes that you aren't aware of.
ME: No, it would be easier for you not to be rude than it would for me to get psycho-analysed.
HE: You don't think that's defensive?
ME: Nope. I'm pretty sure it was OFFensive.
HE: See? You're so angry!
ME: Not at all, I'm simply trying to watch the movie.
HE: Ooh, that's cold. I'm trying to have a meaningful conversation with you and you're running away from it.
ME: Get the fuck outta my house.
I should know better than to trust any of the yahoos that say, "Look...your dog likes me!" For some reason, guys think that they can worm their way into my good graces by attaching undue significance to the fact that my dog didn't bite them in the face. He's a good dog...he'll be nice to anyone who's nice to me. That does NOT mean we're engaged...it means that I haven't uttered the secret word that will make him attack.
So....I'm free of that crap today...but I couldn't say that last night. I ran into some friend of my son's who wanted to "finally tell me how he really" felt. That was mega-uncomfortable because ordinarily, I would laugh in the face of someone who said such stuff, assuming that he was after an relatively unearned piece of ass. But I think this guy was serious so that gave me pause when I considered the string of wisecracks that I could have made.
But...before long, the same old testosterone induced manipulation reminded me that even men who really, really "like" a woman will...almost always:
A. manipulate them as much as they would a piece of ass chick
B. underestimate women in general
C. state that they "hate game playing" and then, when you tell him what's bothering you, in a uniquely male demarche, list all the reasons why YOU are to blame for any and all of HIS shortcomings
That last trick is designed to shut a woman up. Whether or not a man knows he's doing it, this conversation, or something like it, takes place every day between couples:
SHE: You know, I wanted to tell you that as much as I love you, it bothers me when you leave the bathroom sink all funky everyday...I don't want to see your toothpaste spit and whiskers first thing in the morning. Would you mind rinsing the sink for me?
HE: I would but because of your chosen "standard of living", I have to wake up at 7 AM every morning and work HARD to pay the bills. I don't get enough sleep so when I DO drag myself out of bed to get ready for ANOTHER day of drudgery at the office, I have to worry about her majesty being annoyed by a few of my MOUSTACHE HAIRS? Are you kidding me!? While you're SLEEPING in and living the Life of Riley, I'm supposed to do YOUR job and clean the bathroom? Should I do the laundry before I leave too? I can do that if I wake up at FOUR AM...is that what you want? Do you want me to wake up THREE HOURS early and do the laundry for you while you lay around in bed? Should I do that?
SHE: Never mind. I must have been insane. You're right, I'm an ungrateful wench. I'll use the other bathroom when I have morning sickness from now on.
HE: See that you do.
A wise women sees that tact for what it is, a method used by one person to verbally gag another person. Unfortunately...too many walk away feeling like they DID do something wrong after a barrage like that.
My ex was GREAT at that game. I only fell for it because I loved him. I don't like other people enough to deal with such BS so I pretty much take a hike when I notice it. THAT'S what makes dating a chore. Sigh.
:)
...the more of a chore it gets to be but for some reason, I find it necessary to work like an idiot in hopes of meeting that ONE guy who I don't want to push out of a speeding car. That guy has eluded me thus far but in the meantime, I'm honing my Bitch Skills in the hopes of shortening my association with nit wits. I recognize them easily enough...but it takes a bit to get rid of them once I get wind of any challenges, intellectual or social, that a man might harbor.
What I find fascinating is the propensity that so many men have for playing silly games that serve no purpose other than to sap my strength and kill my buzz. I don't even think that they realize they're doing it yet they do it with amazing predictability. Consider this discussion:
HE: I need to tell you something about myself...
ME: No, you don't, not while I'm watching this movie.
HE: Whoa! You're so defensive, how did you get that way?
ME: I'm not defensive, I'm watching Cinderella Man.
HE: I think you should look inside of yourself and see if you don't see any defensive attitudes that you aren't aware of.
ME: No, it would be easier for you not to be rude than it would for me to get psycho-analysed.
HE: You don't think that's defensive?
ME: Nope. I'm pretty sure it was OFFensive.
HE: See? You're so angry!
ME: Not at all, I'm simply trying to watch the movie.
HE: Ooh, that's cold. I'm trying to have a meaningful conversation with you and you're running away from it.
ME: Get the fuck outta my house.
I should know better than to trust any of the yahoos that say, "Look...your dog likes me!" For some reason, guys think that they can worm their way into my good graces by attaching undue significance to the fact that my dog didn't bite them in the face. He's a good dog...he'll be nice to anyone who's nice to me. That does NOT mean we're engaged...it means that I haven't uttered the secret word that will make him attack.
So....I'm free of that crap today...but I couldn't say that last night. I ran into some friend of my son's who wanted to "finally tell me how he really" felt. That was mega-uncomfortable because ordinarily, I would laugh in the face of someone who said such stuff, assuming that he was after an relatively unearned piece of ass. But I think this guy was serious so that gave me pause when I considered the string of wisecracks that I could have made.
But...before long, the same old testosterone induced manipulation reminded me that even men who really, really "like" a woman will...almost always:
A. manipulate them as much as they would a piece of ass chick
B. underestimate women in general
C. state that they "hate game playing" and then, when you tell him what's bothering you, in a uniquely male demarche, list all the reasons why YOU are to blame for any and all of HIS shortcomings
That last trick is designed to shut a woman up. Whether or not a man knows he's doing it, this conversation, or something like it, takes place every day between couples:
SHE: You know, I wanted to tell you that as much as I love you, it bothers me when you leave the bathroom sink all funky everyday...I don't want to see your toothpaste spit and whiskers first thing in the morning. Would you mind rinsing the sink for me?
HE: I would but because of your chosen "standard of living", I have to wake up at 7 AM every morning and work HARD to pay the bills. I don't get enough sleep so when I DO drag myself out of bed to get ready for ANOTHER day of drudgery at the office, I have to worry about her majesty being annoyed by a few of my MOUSTACHE HAIRS? Are you kidding me!? While you're SLEEPING in and living the Life of Riley, I'm supposed to do YOUR job and clean the bathroom? Should I do the laundry before I leave too? I can do that if I wake up at FOUR AM...is that what you want? Do you want me to wake up THREE HOURS early and do the laundry for you while you lay around in bed? Should I do that?
SHE: Never mind. I must have been insane. You're right, I'm an ungrateful wench. I'll use the other bathroom when I have morning sickness from now on.
HE: See that you do.
A wise women sees that tact for what it is, a method used by one person to verbally gag another person. Unfortunately...too many walk away feeling like they DID do something wrong after a barrage like that.
My ex was GREAT at that game. I only fell for it because I loved him. I don't like other people enough to deal with such BS so I pretty much take a hike when I notice it. THAT'S what makes dating a chore. Sigh.
:)
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:41 AM
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