Ugliest dog in the world...

...wins Best in Show! If I were that dog, I'd look up for a bucket of blood before it falls on my head.

"Ssshhhh! Don't draw attention and maybe no one will notice your cloven hooves!"

"Don't you just love my new extensions?"

"I saw that boxer...no one is chopping off MY ears!"

"E.T. phone home!"

"YES! Right there. That muscle always spasms when I'm nervous."

"The better to BITE you with!

"I think I ate too much cotton candy!"

The youngest, less famous Gabor sister.

"Well...shove a stick up my ass and lets wash this floor!"

Breeding a toy dachsund is as stupid as breeding tiny mice.

"Get your hand out of my butt, I'm not a puppet!"

"I told you to stop...your head will NOT fit up my ass!"

"I just washed my hair and I can't do a thing wih it!"

"Have you seen Mata Hari? She has my kibble."

"Give me the Bea Arthur cut."

"Can you direct me to the first class seats, please??"