10 Things I Think About During Sex
1. The '69 Mets.
2. The cobwebs on the ceiling.
3. What I'm making for dinner.
4. Did I save those Hot Pocket coupons? Now that they're on sale I should save a LOT of money!
5. Should I use bread crumbs or oatmeal in my meat loaf recipe?
6. I'd never, ever get a tattoo.
7. I wish this guy would hold his damn weight off of me!!!
8. I don't think bowling alleys should have those bumper things in the gutter. Let the kids learn like I did.
9. I hate seafood.
10. I gotta pee.
posted by Meg Kelso | 9:47 AM
4 Comments:
You really need to trade up when it comes to the caliber of man you knock boots with.
Who would want to trade with me? Seriously, I'm a chick. Damn, what I have to say is too long for a comment. Let me post about it!
When my DH died, he took a whole lot with him including my heart not to mention his years of experience and just basic decency as well as "manners." During my first years as a rookie widow I realized things had changed "out there." A lot. So in an effort to fulfill my 3rd promise to him it was time to see if I could do this again. (Besides, I was getting pretty horny.) Here's my top ten based on a compilation of "experiences:"
1. I am NOT a well and this is NOT a "drilling expedition."
2. Damn those Pecker Pills.
3. No, it's not "too tight." I haven't had 15 kids and that thang has to make an appearance of sorts before it's gonna "work."
4. "Done" ALREADY? I'm not so get busy, buddy.
5. Ladies FIRST...last.....always.
6. If you pinch the ta-tas I WILL return the favor on your "pair." Ouch! Yeah, get it NOW?
7. The non-negotiable answer to the first Howard Stern question is NO. While I do believe that different orifices can and will multi-task, don't think for a nanosecond I'm NOT gonna notice your "sneaky" attempts at "Whoops! Wrong place!" and respond in a hostile manner.
8. Just because you THINK something doesn't mean you should SAY it: "I gotta know a girl pretty good to do this" will result in immediate ejection from my bed. Never under-estimate the power of a featherweight frustrated and pissed off woman. Said woman will then commence ejecting the offender from the house sans clothes in -20. Clothes and footwear to follow. Maybe.
9. I am NOT Trigger and you are NOT the Lone Ranger. No, Tonto is NOT "invited."
10. Do I have any AZO Standard left?
Lessons Learned: If they're a selfish, self-centered asshole in the LR (start messing with my electronics, become Remote Control Controllers etc.) they're gonna be the same way in the BR which they will never see in any event. People have sex the way they live. So it's good to check them out in a variety of settings besides my place first. In an effort to be "Fair and Balanced" I must say there are some really good guys out there. (There MUST be...there's too many of them to NOT be...and I need my illusions, OK?) If you come across any I'd be grateful beyond belief if you'd send 'em my way. It gets cold here in The Tundra in the winter. And it'd be nice to have someone notice the tires on my vehicle are bald before I do in an unfortunate "incident."
TW
ITA. I couldn't have said that better.
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