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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Friday, June 01, 2012

And then there was the guy...

...who faked NOT having an orgasm. I'm one of the few people who can testify that he did, in fact, experience a complete orgasm. Perhaps a  gynecologist with a microscope could testify that I had been the recipient of an internal orgasm...but I rarely have a gynecologist in my presence and even if I happened upon one, what are the chances that he would have a microscope?

When spotting an orgasm, I usually use more externally directed social cues such as the groaning, heavy-breathing, thanksgiving and, of course, the famous O face. I lost track of just how many orgasms I've evoked back in the 70's and over the decades since, I've been privy to an astonishing number of orgasms. I'm sure the number is in the 10 thousands, if not more. (That's not counting the freaks who like the rear camel-toe picture posted on this blog on October 30, 2009.) And as a result of my multitudinous experience, I have noted that men don't fake orgasms nor do they ordinarily they have control over some of the shit they do, say or display during an orgasm. Even now, I am of the notion that these things cannot be controlled...during a proper orgasm. So, why would a man go out of his way to hide all of the outward indicators of said orgasm?

Why would  a guy, mid orgasm, take the time to control his breathing, keep a "straight face", maintain perfect upper body position and perform all of that while mute? That syllabus doesn't leave much room for thinking, "I hope I'm pleasing her!" now, does it? It also raises some other questions like, "If a guy would fake NOT having an orgasm, what else is he capable of controlling?" or "What the hell am I doing here and does it really matter what I do, one way or another?"

But, I  have other data to analyze when scrutinizing most things regarding a man, this particular conundrum can be answered a bit more easily. I have finally figured out the rationale behind the odd and vexing behavior to which I have been subjected.

Dude actually thinks that if he doesn't cum, it doesn't count. So, if sexual collision should occur sans orgasm, one must try again later. Now, I can't swear to it, but I think that I can confidently state that I wasn't that stupid in the 70's. Never in my life would a dude have been able to convince me that penetration must occur indefinitely and over and over again until an orgasm manifests itself. You can't keep me sexual prisoner by saying that you have to screw me until you cum. So, new rule...my obligation is over shortly after INITIAL penetration. Once you're in, the clock starts ticking. I don't really have any time specifications, but I do require a reasonable and sincere attempt at pleasure. If you fail to enjoy yourself at that time, you just don't want a happy ending.

Asking for sex on Thursday because you didn't "finish" last weekend, is not only doomed to failure, it's rather offensive...in OH so many ways.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ceteris Paribus, the guy DID get you to use the word orgasm ten times in your post.

June 01, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Yes he did...get me to SAY it...I maintained but, my inner giggle was losing control. It was at a Welcome To Meg's Thoughts comedy festival.

June 02, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you saying he got you to talk the talk but fell short of getting you to walk the walk......as it were?

June 02, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Well, the inner giggle and all.

June 02, 2012  

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