When I Was Young I Was A Hoot

This morning I woke up with a hideous backache. I took some aspirin and grabbed a tube of Ben-Gay...like any good grandmother would. My grandmother always had a tube of that stuff lying around and when my ex and I were staying at her place for a few weeks, I found a new use for it.

My ex and I were very young, maybe 20 or 21. I was pregnant and he was too young to be married. Anyway, one night he went out and didn't come back until I had waited and waited for him, worried to tears. When he walked in, I was livid. But, I hid that from him because I had a plan.

When a man has done something that stupid, he will do anything to avoid a fight. Naturally, mine had come home willing to kiss my ass. But, an ass kissing is not what I wanted.

I pretended to be all lovey-dovey and no matter where he had been or what he had done, he wanted to avoid a fight so he was all too pleased to have sex and go to sleep. He was even into it a bit...and full of smiles. I saw his smile and  decided that I didn't want to see it anymore. I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a handful of "lubrication". My ex smiled just a tad more...for about 4 seconds.

Penis in hand (and burning atrociously, I would think), he ran to the shower immediately...giving me time to escape to parts of the house that were not far from my grandparents room. Hot penis didn't want to smile at them right then so he  stayed in the bedroom after dousing his penis in a flow of shower water.

It didn't stop him from doing what he wanted to do, but he did develop a whole new respect for angry pregnant women. It still makes me smile.