I've only been dating the three girls for a few weeks and I haven't really had a chance to talk about it with any of my female friends yet (in real life, anyway... I'm talking to you girls now).If I'm doing something bad, let me know... but try to take it easy on me. I'm just struggling to understand my newly single dating life.
OK, this is from someone who grew up when you didn’t have sex casually (and I realize you aren't sleeping with these ladies) but...I think I can answer that one for you. You are not doing anything wrong as long as you have told no lies. You needn’t offer any information, but you shouldn’t lie to any of them. Yes, as you said earlier, your friends are right...it is normal. Watch Leave it to Beaver, even Wally plays the field.
Dating like that is what people are supposed to do. Exclusivity is something that you discuss, not assume. When I was a teenager, you were usually given an ID bracelet or a class ring to make it official. As adults, we should afford it a little more consideration. Apparently, it has nothing to do with sex. From what I've read today, sex doesn’t mean what it did before so you can’t assume that you are a couple because you have sex. OK, I can deal with that.
You know, something you said originally made me think, “What a guy! I hope I find one of them!” This is it:
I have one rule I date by. That rule is that the woman makes the rules regarding sex.
That, in itself, was great. But then you said this:
...if one of them wants to take it to the next level, I'll have to tell the other 2 that I'm in a relationship and hope they aren't too crushed. How does that work? I sense impending doom.
I think you are letting them make more decisions than when to have sex. The first one to claim you gets you? You know, if you played your cards right, you could have your pick of all three of them. That is the sense of impending doom you feel, it's the fear of the unknown. You could lose it by deciding to be just a little selfish and allowing yourself to enjoy this time of your life. That’s something that I keep trying to tell myself. You should enjoy your freedom by doing what you are doing. When it’s time to pick one of them or one you have yet to meet, you’ll probably know. People get a little crushed but you can mitigate that by being honest at all times. It really does work and it makes life so much easier. You hurt fewer people much less often than a liar would.
That was about 2 1/2 years ago, but we have been together since that. I realize that it is not 5 or 10 years. But...Anyway, for me it was my gut reaction. And Meg already knows about me and my gut reactions.....
Apparently, your gut reaction was right...and you didn’t trust it! Yikes. I hope that doesn’t happen to me. I would feel really bad about missing a good one. But, I doubt that will happen. There are far too many frogs out there, a keeper would stand out like a bad pitcher with a paisley mitt. Aren't you two lucky!
I, personally, will call for a second date if she sleeps with me on date #1, if I like spending time with her. I will also call for date #4 if she hasn't slept with me yet... and I just did call someone for date #4 the other day, in case you think I'm lying. ;)
You were right, it was a bogus question. Forget I asked.
Do they all know about each other? I don't know, if they don't maybe you should be open with them and let them know that you are dating more than one lady, that way there are no surprises, and then they can keep their options open, too and date more than you. I think it is all about being fair to them...
I have to give this some credence. I understand the sentiment and there are too many women who feel this way to ignore this response.
Personally, I would try to be a little bit more responsible for my OWN happiness and still keep my options open until I had a clear and convincing reason to do otherwise. But, you would know about it because I would probably bring up an experience in conversation. But that’s me and I must admit, my mother did always say I was special.
What I don't really know how to do is bring up dating multiple women. None of us are professing great feelings or love, so it's not like any of us are leading each other on intentionally, but I fear I might be doing that by simply asking them out.
Nope. You are not. You are dating. And, you are a smart guy, you should try listening to yourself:
(S)He doesn't share your same values.
You convinced me.
How do you bring it up? When somebody asks you, "What did you do last night?", you tell them the truth.
Meg
OK, this is from someone who grew up when you didn’t have sex casually (and I realize you aren't sleeping with these ladies) but...I think I can answer that one for you. You are not doing anything wrong as long as you have told no lies. You needn’t offer any information, but you shouldn’t lie to any of them. Yes, as you said earlier, your friends are right...it is normal. Watch Leave it to Beaver, even Wally plays the field.
Dating like that is what people are supposed to do. Exclusivity is something that you discuss, not assume. When I was a teenager, you were usually given an ID bracelet or a class ring to make it official. As adults, we should afford it a little more consideration. Apparently, it has nothing to do with sex. From what I've read today, sex doesn’t mean what it did before so you can’t assume that you are a couple because you have sex. OK, I can deal with that.
You know, something you said originally made me think, “What a guy! I hope I find one of them!” This is it:
I have one rule I date by. That rule is that the woman makes the rules regarding sex.
That, in itself, was great. But then you said this:
...if one of them wants to take it to the next level, I'll have to tell the other 2 that I'm in a relationship and hope they aren't too crushed. How does that work? I sense impending doom.
I think you are letting them make more decisions than when to have sex. The first one to claim you gets you? You know, if you played your cards right, you could have your pick of all three of them. That is the sense of impending doom you feel, it's the fear of the unknown. You could lose it by deciding to be just a little selfish and allowing yourself to enjoy this time of your life. That’s something that I keep trying to tell myself. You should enjoy your freedom by doing what you are doing. When it’s time to pick one of them or one you have yet to meet, you’ll probably know. People get a little crushed but you can mitigate that by being honest at all times. It really does work and it makes life so much easier. You hurt fewer people much less often than a liar would.
That was about 2 1/2 years ago, but we have been together since that. I realize that it is not 5 or 10 years. But...Anyway, for me it was my gut reaction. And Meg already knows about me and my gut reactions.....
Apparently, your gut reaction was right...and you didn’t trust it! Yikes. I hope that doesn’t happen to me. I would feel really bad about missing a good one. But, I doubt that will happen. There are far too many frogs out there, a keeper would stand out like a bad pitcher with a paisley mitt. Aren't you two lucky!
I, personally, will call for a second date if she sleeps with me on date #1, if I like spending time with her. I will also call for date #4 if she hasn't slept with me yet... and I just did call someone for date #4 the other day, in case you think I'm lying. ;)
You were right, it was a bogus question. Forget I asked.
Do they all know about each other? I don't know, if they don't maybe you should be open with them and let them know that you are dating more than one lady, that way there are no surprises, and then they can keep their options open, too and date more than you. I think it is all about being fair to them...
I have to give this some credence. I understand the sentiment and there are too many women who feel this way to ignore this response.
Personally, I would try to be a little bit more responsible for my OWN happiness and still keep my options open until I had a clear and convincing reason to do otherwise. But, you would know about it because I would probably bring up an experience in conversation. But that’s me and I must admit, my mother did always say I was special.
What I don't really know how to do is bring up dating multiple women. None of us are professing great feelings or love, so it's not like any of us are leading each other on intentionally, but I fear I might be doing that by simply asking them out.
Nope. You are not. You are dating. And, you are a smart guy, you should try listening to yourself:
(S)He doesn't share your same values.
You convinced me.
How do you bring it up? When somebody asks you, "What did you do last night?", you tell them the truth.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 3:32 PM
4 Comments:
LOL, de nada. Wait for the T-shirt.
Meg
DUH! It would be ME and MY name.
Yeah, I would put Rick's puss on a T-shirt and walk out of the bathroom, LOL...maybe if it were also covered with skidmarks.
Meg
Why r u dating 3 women? candy
why r u dating 3 women? candy
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