My car has tail lights again...
...My poor friend Mike had to fix the crap on my car caused when I pulled down his garage with my front driver's side headlight. You know, in all honesty, Mike WAS directing traffic and therefore he assumed full responsibility for any damaged caused by me listening to him. My father told me that when I crashed a 79 Vega. A truck driver told me to go so I did. The truck driver was directing traffic that time...and Mike was directing traffic this time. Although, I wouldn’t say that to his face. He ended up having to repair his own garage after I destroyed it and he never asked me to pay for it, not that I could, unless he wants Monopoly money...I do have some of that.
I could cook him dinner, but it would have to be at his house, with his food. All I could serve him right now is a bowl of pickle juice, apple cinnamon oatmeal, and a can of corn. He did mention that he wanted to get laid, but I can’t help him with that right now.
So, now I can go out after dark. I did that the other day, and I was so afraid of getting pulled over that I drove really, really fast so that nobody could get close enough to see that I didn’t have any lights. I had brake lights, but I didn’t have any directionals. I used arm signals although I’m not sure if people know what they mean. I don’t remember that being in the latest driver’s manual. Anyway, at the time, driving 20 miles over the speed limit seemed like the smart thing to do.
The car that Rick left me doesn’t work and I want to get rid of it. Rick didn’t mind letting broken down cars sit in the driveway for years...but I do. I probably couldn’t get much for it. It needs transmission work. I think it runs, but I’m not sure. I can’t even try to find out because I can’t find the key. If it were a manual, I could probably start the stupid thing, but it is as illegal as shoplifting and I’d probably get as much time in the pokey if I were to get stopped so I am not even going to bother trying.
I will probably clean house today. That’s always fun. My son gave the dog a bath in my tub so I have to wash that stupid thing so that I can take a shower. There’s a leak under my kitchen sink but I think that I can use some special kind of tape to fix that. It’s about time for me to clean my bedroom again. It’s still being used mainly as a dressing room so there are clothes all over again. Oh, my plans for cleaning up the yard have sort of been pre-empted by anything that I could possibly think of to avoid working out there.
Oh...I’ve been eating like a pig lately, I’m not quite sure what’s caused my appetite to come back. I haven’t smoked any weed so it can’t be that. Of course, I can’t eat much right now except for that corn so I should probably go to the grocery store today. I can’t believe how expensive everything is. The gas alone is so high that I spend as much on gas as I do on any given utility. I think that we should take a bunch of oil from Iraq in return for all the crap that we’ve done for them. That would make some of this worth it, don’t you think? My father used to say, “Two dollars regular.” He wouldn't have gotten gas unless it would take him somewhere, so two bucks bought at least a few gallons. And, he had a gas guzzler back then, one of those wood paneled Ford Country Squires .
Why do you suppose they put wood on cars like that? They don’t put it on motorcycles, they don’t put it on trucks...why do they put it on cars? Some things really bug me. Why don’t they just use paintings of corn cobs? Oh well, I never understood velvet wallpaper and black toilets either.
Back to the yard...I may just get Chem-lawn to come and kill the whole thing so I can just start over. I can’t imagine that it would cost too much to spray a bunch of chemicals on the yard. I don’t want to hear anyone say that it would be bad for the environment...Rick let the yard overgorw so badly that I think it could be considered a nature preserve right now. The chemicals would just be population control after all the animals that we have given a home to for so long. I must say that some of the weeds are absolutey beautiful. There are some by the back fence that have grown to about 10 feet tall and they have prettier flowers on them than the ones that I purposely grew.
There are a few places in the yard that I’m afraid of...like behind the shed. I’m afraid to go IN that thing, I can’t imagine going behind it. Rick used the side of the house and underneath the deck for dumping, I have ten years worth of lawn clippings, leaves and pine needles all turning into great mulch. I bet that stuff would be good for something, but I'm afraid of what I would find under it if I started digging it all up. It’s all been there long enough for new species to evolve.
The dog is doing something that Rick never did, he’s tilling the entire lawn...and he's doing it by hand. If the dog can do it without opposable thumbs, you would think that Rick could have done it at some point. If he gets through with it before I get the money to have Chem-lawn kill it, I may be able to grow new grass. Oh my God, the dog just farted again. Did you ever notice that dog farts are ALL silent but deadlies? They never...EVER make a sound. Why do you suppose that is? And fish don’t ever seem to fart at all. I never see tiny little bubbles coming out of their assholes.
Oh! I know what I could do...I could practice playing the guitar. I’ve been trying to teach myself to play it although nothing I play ever sounds like a song. The only instrument that I have ever mastered is the kazoo. I never took any lessons, I seem to have a natural talent. I can even play it by ear...I hear a song once and I can play along with my kazoo. I bet I could even play the ukulele . If that whack job Tiny Tim can do it, so can I. The guitar is pretty hard to learn, I don’t know how drugged up rock stars do it. A friend of mine told me to start out just using one finger at a time when I practice the chords. I can’t really get the dexterity down to the point where I can use all of them...so I strum along with one finger at a time.
Well, I’m going go clean the kitchen, you never know when there might be some food to cook in it. After a while, that pickle juice might start looking pretty good.
See ya,
Meg
Send comments to:
meg.kelso@gmail.com
...My poor friend Mike had to fix the crap on my car caused when I pulled down his garage with my front driver's side headlight. You know, in all honesty, Mike WAS directing traffic and therefore he assumed full responsibility for any damaged caused by me listening to him. My father told me that when I crashed a 79 Vega. A truck driver told me to go so I did. The truck driver was directing traffic that time...and Mike was directing traffic this time. Although, I wouldn’t say that to his face. He ended up having to repair his own garage after I destroyed it and he never asked me to pay for it, not that I could, unless he wants Monopoly money...I do have some of that.
I could cook him dinner, but it would have to be at his house, with his food. All I could serve him right now is a bowl of pickle juice, apple cinnamon oatmeal, and a can of corn. He did mention that he wanted to get laid, but I can’t help him with that right now.
So, now I can go out after dark. I did that the other day, and I was so afraid of getting pulled over that I drove really, really fast so that nobody could get close enough to see that I didn’t have any lights. I had brake lights, but I didn’t have any directionals. I used arm signals although I’m not sure if people know what they mean. I don’t remember that being in the latest driver’s manual. Anyway, at the time, driving 20 miles over the speed limit seemed like the smart thing to do.
The car that Rick left me doesn’t work and I want to get rid of it. Rick didn’t mind letting broken down cars sit in the driveway for years...but I do. I probably couldn’t get much for it. It needs transmission work. I think it runs, but I’m not sure. I can’t even try to find out because I can’t find the key. If it were a manual, I could probably start the stupid thing, but it is as illegal as shoplifting and I’d probably get as much time in the pokey if I were to get stopped so I am not even going to bother trying.
I will probably clean house today. That’s always fun. My son gave the dog a bath in my tub so I have to wash that stupid thing so that I can take a shower. There’s a leak under my kitchen sink but I think that I can use some special kind of tape to fix that. It’s about time for me to clean my bedroom again. It’s still being used mainly as a dressing room so there are clothes all over again. Oh, my plans for cleaning up the yard have sort of been pre-empted by anything that I could possibly think of to avoid working out there.
Oh...I’ve been eating like a pig lately, I’m not quite sure what’s caused my appetite to come back. I haven’t smoked any weed so it can’t be that. Of course, I can’t eat much right now except for that corn so I should probably go to the grocery store today. I can’t believe how expensive everything is. The gas alone is so high that I spend as much on gas as I do on any given utility. I think that we should take a bunch of oil from Iraq in return for all the crap that we’ve done for them. That would make some of this worth it, don’t you think? My father used to say, “Two dollars regular.” He wouldn't have gotten gas unless it would take him somewhere, so two bucks bought at least a few gallons. And, he had a gas guzzler back then, one of those wood paneled Ford Country Squires .
Why do you suppose they put wood on cars like that? They don’t put it on motorcycles, they don’t put it on trucks...why do they put it on cars? Some things really bug me. Why don’t they just use paintings of corn cobs? Oh well, I never understood velvet wallpaper and black toilets either.
Back to the yard...I may just get Chem-lawn to come and kill the whole thing so I can just start over. I can’t imagine that it would cost too much to spray a bunch of chemicals on the yard. I don’t want to hear anyone say that it would be bad for the environment...Rick let the yard overgorw so badly that I think it could be considered a nature preserve right now. The chemicals would just be population control after all the animals that we have given a home to for so long. I must say that some of the weeds are absolutey beautiful. There are some by the back fence that have grown to about 10 feet tall and they have prettier flowers on them than the ones that I purposely grew.
There are a few places in the yard that I’m afraid of...like behind the shed. I’m afraid to go IN that thing, I can’t imagine going behind it. Rick used the side of the house and underneath the deck for dumping, I have ten years worth of lawn clippings, leaves and pine needles all turning into great mulch. I bet that stuff would be good for something, but I'm afraid of what I would find under it if I started digging it all up. It’s all been there long enough for new species to evolve.
The dog is doing something that Rick never did, he’s tilling the entire lawn...and he's doing it by hand. If the dog can do it without opposable thumbs, you would think that Rick could have done it at some point. If he gets through with it before I get the money to have Chem-lawn kill it, I may be able to grow new grass. Oh my God, the dog just farted again. Did you ever notice that dog farts are ALL silent but deadlies? They never...EVER make a sound. Why do you suppose that is? And fish don’t ever seem to fart at all. I never see tiny little bubbles coming out of their assholes.
Oh! I know what I could do...I could practice playing the guitar. I’ve been trying to teach myself to play it although nothing I play ever sounds like a song. The only instrument that I have ever mastered is the kazoo. I never took any lessons, I seem to have a natural talent. I can even play it by ear...I hear a song once and I can play along with my kazoo. I bet I could even play the ukulele . If that whack job Tiny Tim can do it, so can I. The guitar is pretty hard to learn, I don’t know how drugged up rock stars do it. A friend of mine told me to start out just using one finger at a time when I practice the chords. I can’t really get the dexterity down to the point where I can use all of them...so I strum along with one finger at a time.
Well, I’m going go clean the kitchen, you never know when there might be some food to cook in it. After a while, that pickle juice might start looking pretty good.
See ya,
Meg
Send comments to:
meg.kelso@gmail.com
posted by Meg Kelso | 7:55 AM
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