I’d like to have just one man,
Could be Stan or could be Dan,
Stan or Dan could be my man.
Are you Stan or are you Dan?
Would you like to be my man?
Are you short or are you tall?
I don’t much mind,
I like them all.
If he had a nice behind,
I’d go wild in my mind.
Can you repair my broken car?
Do you smoke a nice cigar?
Do you like to hike real far?
Do you like to play guitar?
If you treat me very nice,
I’ll perform on you my oral vice.
Don’t mind if you’re really young,
As long as you have an experienced tongue.
If you can kiss me all night long,
As we listen to a sexy song,
I would smile from ear to ear,
I could do that every night for a year.
If you like the Cubs,
I’ll kiss your face,
As we watch them stay in last place.
If you will listen to Springsteen with me,
I’ll screw your brains out nightly with glee.
And if you screw another chick,
I may very well slice off your dick.
I can be mean but prefer to be nice,
All alone in my bed, I’m as cold as ice.
I’d love to have a wonderful lover,
I don’t even mind if he hogs the cover.
The grass nows comes up to my ear,
And I've not been laid in over a year.
So you see, I hope I can,
Find myself my very own man.