WANTED:
One woman man.
I like hair on a chest but I'm not terribly fond of back hair. I don't mind a bald man, but no toupees or combovers. If you are ashamed of your baldness, then I will be too. Experience in lovemaking is a good thing, but I wouldn't mind training a willing novice. As a matter of fact, even if you are experienced, I would hope that you aren't too rigid (no pun intended) in your repertoire.
Must like dogs. Doesn't have to love cats, but must not kick mine when my back is turned. Must be able to do yard work, I will clean inside if you will handle the lawn. Also, I'll do the laundry if you'll work on the car. If your dirty laundry is frightening, I must receive a diamond of some sort every month.
I'll do the cooking, but you must chew with your mouth closed. Decent table manners are a must. Should like sports and should realize that professional wrestling and Nascar are not real sports.
I don't mind if you dress in a suit to go to work, but jeans and a nice top should be worn at other times as I don't like to be the lesser dressed half of a couple. Should enjoy watching Seinfeld, even if the episode we are watching is one that you've seen a hundred times. Must be supportive of me and attend any show in which I am performing, even if the show and/or I suck.
I don't mind if you have kids or a thousand ex wives, but I must be the last woman that you ever commit to. Cheating is not allowed, as a matter of fact I will screw two men for every one woman that you bang, just for kicks.
Before you buy a girlie magazine, you must ask me to take off my clothes. If and when I refuse, you can buy a girlie magazine. (I won't...trust me.) Handsome is a bonus but you needn't be all Tom Cruise. On the other hand, trolls need not apply. When you feel like arguing with me, or if I feel like arguing with you, someone needs to drop their pants and we must then have oral sex. I hate arguing and find that oral sex is always a great way to forget what I was angry about.
Also, I can be a bitch if I don't have sex on a regular basis, just read my entire blog if you doubt that.
I think that's it, but as a female, I reserve the right to add to/edit/or entirely change my rules. Have a nice day!
One woman man.
I like hair on a chest but I'm not terribly fond of back hair. I don't mind a bald man, but no toupees or combovers. If you are ashamed of your baldness, then I will be too. Experience in lovemaking is a good thing, but I wouldn't mind training a willing novice. As a matter of fact, even if you are experienced, I would hope that you aren't too rigid (no pun intended) in your repertoire.
Must like dogs. Doesn't have to love cats, but must not kick mine when my back is turned. Must be able to do yard work, I will clean inside if you will handle the lawn. Also, I'll do the laundry if you'll work on the car. If your dirty laundry is frightening, I must receive a diamond of some sort every month.
I'll do the cooking, but you must chew with your mouth closed. Decent table manners are a must. Should like sports and should realize that professional wrestling and Nascar are not real sports.
I don't mind if you dress in a suit to go to work, but jeans and a nice top should be worn at other times as I don't like to be the lesser dressed half of a couple. Should enjoy watching Seinfeld, even if the episode we are watching is one that you've seen a hundred times. Must be supportive of me and attend any show in which I am performing, even if the show and/or I suck.
I don't mind if you have kids or a thousand ex wives, but I must be the last woman that you ever commit to. Cheating is not allowed, as a matter of fact I will screw two men for every one woman that you bang, just for kicks.
Before you buy a girlie magazine, you must ask me to take off my clothes. If and when I refuse, you can buy a girlie magazine. (I won't...trust me.) Handsome is a bonus but you needn't be all Tom Cruise. On the other hand, trolls need not apply. When you feel like arguing with me, or if I feel like arguing with you, someone needs to drop their pants and we must then have oral sex. I hate arguing and find that oral sex is always a great way to forget what I was angry about.
Also, I can be a bitch if I don't have sex on a regular basis, just read my entire blog if you doubt that.
I think that's it, but as a female, I reserve the right to add to/edit/or entirely change my rules. Have a nice day!
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:27 AM
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