OK...
...my dog has that intestinal thing again and I can’t escape it to save my life. He likes me...I think...so he lies next to me all the time. I usually like that, but when he gets gassy, I want to run away. He doesn’t seem to mind it at all. Isn’t it odd that ALL dog farts are silent but deadlys?
All right, that’s it. Out his stenchy ass goes. I’ll be right back.
OK, I’m back. I think he did that last one for spite...I must have been sending some sort of negative vibes that only dogs can pick up on. Jeez, I hadn’t even recovered from the previous assault. That dog farts those farts that smell just as bad from their most repugnant until they lessen in disgusting odor. So, there I am, too lazy to open a door, smelling dog farts one after another. I could take it no more. Somebody was going to have to leave the house and in THAT battle, the species with opposable thumbs will win.
Too bad you can’t put the men outside. What is it about them that gives them impunity from farting? Arrogance. That’s the only explanation.
Anyway, there really is no nimble fashion in which to gracefully alter your discourse from farts to ANY other focus so I won’t even try.
I’ll just say this instead...have you ever considered the fact that YOU are the result of years, ions, generations of people? You are a product of the people who survived all sorts of trials, wars, pestilences, plagues, slavery and witch burnings. You’re ascendants were the ones who endured all sorts of crazy shit. People actually sliced the skin off of other people. What the heck was that all about? People have opened chests and pulled out beating hearts. Well, I guess they quickly stopped beating, I’ve never had the occasion to see this happen. But, I have heard of it and I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would do that crap. Whatever, we are all here because someone else didn’t shrivel up and die. All of us come from the survivors of the most violent, wicked, evil things that men do to other men. I mean that in the general way and include women in this...I believe they were responsible for the witch burnings. Additionally, if there is a woman behind every successful man, then there must be one behind all of the idiots as well.
Anyway, I was just thinking that we might owe those folks something.
I just watched Judge Judy. She’s a trip. Once I saw one guy come on and sue another guy for defamation because the other guy told people that the first guy was gay. Now, the defendant, by definition, defended himself. In doing so, he told the world why he thought the first guy was gay. I don’t know why anyone would care...but these guys did. Anyway, I don’t remember who won, but I remember that the first guy sued for $100. So, for that little bit of money, and a trip to New York, the entire world heard the other guy make a pretty good case that the suer dude was gay. Oh well, whatever.
I wonder if gay guys fart more than straight guys? I’m would think that at least they would make a different sound. OK, I’m tired. I’m gonna lie down for a while.
Meg
...my dog has that intestinal thing again and I can’t escape it to save my life. He likes me...I think...so he lies next to me all the time. I usually like that, but when he gets gassy, I want to run away. He doesn’t seem to mind it at all. Isn’t it odd that ALL dog farts are silent but deadlys?
All right, that’s it. Out his stenchy ass goes. I’ll be right back.
OK, I’m back. I think he did that last one for spite...I must have been sending some sort of negative vibes that only dogs can pick up on. Jeez, I hadn’t even recovered from the previous assault. That dog farts those farts that smell just as bad from their most repugnant until they lessen in disgusting odor. So, there I am, too lazy to open a door, smelling dog farts one after another. I could take it no more. Somebody was going to have to leave the house and in THAT battle, the species with opposable thumbs will win.
Too bad you can’t put the men outside. What is it about them that gives them impunity from farting? Arrogance. That’s the only explanation.
Anyway, there really is no nimble fashion in which to gracefully alter your discourse from farts to ANY other focus so I won’t even try.
I’ll just say this instead...have you ever considered the fact that YOU are the result of years, ions, generations of people? You are a product of the people who survived all sorts of trials, wars, pestilences, plagues, slavery and witch burnings. You’re ascendants were the ones who endured all sorts of crazy shit. People actually sliced the skin off of other people. What the heck was that all about? People have opened chests and pulled out beating hearts. Well, I guess they quickly stopped beating, I’ve never had the occasion to see this happen. But, I have heard of it and I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would do that crap. Whatever, we are all here because someone else didn’t shrivel up and die. All of us come from the survivors of the most violent, wicked, evil things that men do to other men. I mean that in the general way and include women in this...I believe they were responsible for the witch burnings. Additionally, if there is a woman behind every successful man, then there must be one behind all of the idiots as well.
Anyway, I was just thinking that we might owe those folks something.
I just watched Judge Judy. She’s a trip. Once I saw one guy come on and sue another guy for defamation because the other guy told people that the first guy was gay. Now, the defendant, by definition, defended himself. In doing so, he told the world why he thought the first guy was gay. I don’t know why anyone would care...but these guys did. Anyway, I don’t remember who won, but I remember that the first guy sued for $100. So, for that little bit of money, and a trip to New York, the entire world heard the other guy make a pretty good case that the suer dude was gay. Oh well, whatever.
I wonder if gay guys fart more than straight guys? I’m would think that at least they would make a different sound. OK, I’m tired. I’m gonna lie down for a while.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 12:49 PM
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