Meg,
I met a woman a few weeks while back and I think that I’m in love with her. But can you tell me how you tell the difference between being in love and being in lust? She is beautiful and I don't want to think that I'm just feeling this way because of the fact that she is so pretty...
Well, I can try. The usual answer is, you just know. But for the people who are too confused about their feelings to grasp that one, here are a couple of things that I go by:
1. Do you have ANY feelings at all for another woman? I don’t mean a woman like Angelina Jolie...most men have feelings for women like that...I mean do you have any feelings for women in your life? The absence of love is indifference and not anger. So, if you have any intense emotional feelings for someone else, chances are you aren’t really in love. At least not in the right way. You need to deal with the other feelings and get them out of the way before you bring another person into your emotional spectrum.
2. Does the other person make you want to be a better person? This is my biggest indicator. If a man makes me feel as though I want to do things better, for example, work...then it pretty much means that I’m in love. Remember that saying, "I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..."? Well that's sort of what I mean here.
3. Do you think in terms of how your actions affect the other person? I think about how my actions would impact the man that I’m in love with. People in love are not generally selfish about things. If I want to go out one night, and I thought that it might bother the other person, I’m happy to stay home and be sure that he has nothing to worry about. That’s not to say that I’m a doormat, I just have my priorities in order.
4. Do you spend time just THIKING about them? This is a no-brainer and you are probably already aware of the, “I just can’t get her out of my mind.” thing.
5. Last but certainly not least, are you just happy all the time? When you’re in love, especially during the honeymoon phase of the relationship, you’re walking around smiling all the time. You could be down on your knees scrubbing the scum out of your bathtub and all of a sudden, you just start smiling. That type of inappropriate reaction to housework is a nutty indicator of a person in love.
You know, I actually thought that Rick was the love of my life (before he got all pricked out and despicable). I also thought that I would never feel that way about another man again. I HONESTLY thought that I would be happy with another man, but with thoughts of Rick in the back of my mind at all times.
Well, that’s not happening. To the contrary, thinking about Rick being with another woman doesn’t phase me at all. I hope he does find someone else. As far as my dealings with him are concerned, all I want is the alimony and I want it on time because the people to whom I owe money would like their money on time, too.
Anyway, I hope that I’ve answered your question. I kind of edited your long email to protect your privacy but I think I’ve addressed everything that you wanted to know. If I missed anything, email me again and I’ll do my best to answer you.
OK, now I’m going to go think about someone...one of my absolute favorite activities of late.
Meg
I met a woman a few weeks while back and I think that I’m in love with her. But can you tell me how you tell the difference between being in love and being in lust? She is beautiful and I don't want to think that I'm just feeling this way because of the fact that she is so pretty...
Well, I can try. The usual answer is, you just know. But for the people who are too confused about their feelings to grasp that one, here are a couple of things that I go by:
1. Do you have ANY feelings at all for another woman? I don’t mean a woman like Angelina Jolie...most men have feelings for women like that...I mean do you have any feelings for women in your life? The absence of love is indifference and not anger. So, if you have any intense emotional feelings for someone else, chances are you aren’t really in love. At least not in the right way. You need to deal with the other feelings and get them out of the way before you bring another person into your emotional spectrum.
2. Does the other person make you want to be a better person? This is my biggest indicator. If a man makes me feel as though I want to do things better, for example, work...then it pretty much means that I’m in love. Remember that saying, "I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..."? Well that's sort of what I mean here.
3. Do you think in terms of how your actions affect the other person? I think about how my actions would impact the man that I’m in love with. People in love are not generally selfish about things. If I want to go out one night, and I thought that it might bother the other person, I’m happy to stay home and be sure that he has nothing to worry about. That’s not to say that I’m a doormat, I just have my priorities in order.
4. Do you spend time just THIKING about them? This is a no-brainer and you are probably already aware of the, “I just can’t get her out of my mind.” thing.
5. Last but certainly not least, are you just happy all the time? When you’re in love, especially during the honeymoon phase of the relationship, you’re walking around smiling all the time. You could be down on your knees scrubbing the scum out of your bathtub and all of a sudden, you just start smiling. That type of inappropriate reaction to housework is a nutty indicator of a person in love.
You know, I actually thought that Rick was the love of my life (before he got all pricked out and despicable). I also thought that I would never feel that way about another man again. I HONESTLY thought that I would be happy with another man, but with thoughts of Rick in the back of my mind at all times.
Well, that’s not happening. To the contrary, thinking about Rick being with another woman doesn’t phase me at all. I hope he does find someone else. As far as my dealings with him are concerned, all I want is the alimony and I want it on time because the people to whom I owe money would like their money on time, too.
Anyway, I hope that I’ve answered your question. I kind of edited your long email to protect your privacy but I think I’ve addressed everything that you wanted to know. If I missed anything, email me again and I’ll do my best to answer you.
OK, now I’m going to go think about someone...one of my absolute favorite activities of late.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:08 AM
2 Comments:
If I've got the chronology correct (and please feel free to correct me, I'm old and have had a few strokes-yk how that goes) but....
When you were doing all that smiling about Rick-With-The-Crooked-Dick (that I swear was the pervert looking in my windows) weren't you drinking a fair amount? Booze puts a smile on my face too. Even when I'm in the presence of abject asshole, I can float above it with a buzz.
We all get points for being young and dumb. That's a given. Add alcohol to the mix and thank gawd or who ever we can't remember a whole bunch of what happened.
I'm just sayin'............!
TW
Oh HELL yeah. I was drinking a LOT when I met it.
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