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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Dear Abby,

I'm planning to host a dinner party next month and invite a few of my friends...My problem is that most, if not all, of my friends live with their cell phones attached to their ears!...How can I politely let my guests know that I'd prefer they don't answer calls at the dinner table?

What? If this chicks' friends aren't worried about being polite, why should she? I wish we could purchase something that you could hang up like a car air freshener that would disable cell phones in our home. If I had a guest who was on her cell phone, I'd have someone in the back room calling them over and over again, beeping in and making it impossible to stay on the phone.

There are so many things about phone etiquette that are rude nowadays and it's hard for most people to keep up with all of the rules. If I don't have call waiting, people get annoyed at the busy signal, if I do have it, they get annoyed when the other line rings. And, since I don't have an answering machine, people are annoyed that they can't leave a message when I'm not home. I have a question...onec someone has put you on hold to answer the other line, how long do you have to wait before you can just hang up?

Who are all of these people who can't live without a phone on the side of their heads? I don't meet them. At least people that I meet don't admit to being phone-a-holics. I see them at the grocery store and that is so intriguing. They aren't asking anyone if there's any sugar in the cabinets, they're just chatting away. From now on, when I see someone in the store on a cell phone, I'm gonna toss a douche in their cart. That's what they get for not paying attention to what they're doing.

Abby told the woman to write, "No cell phones" on the invitations. First of all, I doubt that she's even sending out invitations. She's probably calling everyone to invite them. Secondly, she would offend them all by doing that and then no one would even come to the party. So, this woman might as well get used to the cell phones, no one is going to do without them.

I got an email from a guy who owns a pest control company. I sure could use one of them. I have carpenter ants in my kitchen. The kitchen is paneled in knotty pine paneling and the carpenter ants seem to love that stuff. It must be the season for them because the other day, I saw one of them walking on my printer. I got a paper towel and grabbed it. Then, I ran, screaming, into the bathroom and tossed it in the toilet.

An hour later, I went back in there and there was that carpenter ant, swimming in the water. I thought I killed it but I didn't squish it hard enough so it lived. Those are some giant ants. They're the type of ants that John Carpenter would write about.

If you've never seen one, they're about an inch long and they're all black. If I wasn't terrified of bugs, I'd get a leash and make one a pet.

OMG! I just had a hideous thought...they're probably living in my walls, thousands of them!

YIKES! I have to leave this place. If a man asked me to move to the North Pole with him to live, I'd go happily. I doubt there are many bugs up there. If I could find a place on this planet without bugs, I would go there in a heartbeat. I was watching Fear Factor the other day and I could not believe the things that those people would do for 50 grand. As broke as I am, I wouldn't eat bugs nor would I coat myself with molasses and let them crawl on me. Who thought that show up? I'm amazed that there's no shortage of people willing to do such creepy things.

OK, right now I find it creepy just to sit in this ant filled place so I have to leave.

I'm going to the Y and I'll be back later.

See ya!

Meg

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When cell phones became popular (and small) I'd go into the grocery store and swear I'd just entered a psych ward...all these people walking around either muttering or screaming to themselves as they were molesting the melons in the fruit isle.

The best part? They probably WERE. Reception is awful in The Tundra. But hey, they thought they looked "good" because they had a new toy even if it was essentially useless.
How sad is that?!
TW

May 13, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

I never hated other people as much as I do now that they have cell phones.

May 13, 2012  

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