Dear Meg,
"...whenever my girlfriend tells me her problems, she gets mad at me when I give her advice. I wouldn't say anything except that she is telling me what's wrong..."
That's actually a good question because of how many men feel the same way. When their women complain about something that happened at work or something that the kids did that day, men always try to fix the problem. That's not bad, it's actually rather sweet of them. But that's just because men do that in general, they solve problems. And, when we tell them about our problems, they naturally want to solve them. The thing that makes it annoying is that most of the time, we aren't actually looking for a solution, we're just bitching. All a women needs at that point is someone to listen to her, not someone to offer solutions.
If a woman is telling you something that bothers her and you can see an easy fix, don't offer that fix unless she asks for your advice. Otherwise, you're likely to hear, "I didn't ASK you for your help, I was just TELLING you what happened!" Your kind intentions can be misread and get you in a bit of a tight spot unnecessarily. If we do want your advice, we'll specifically ask for it. If you feel the need to offer a solution to a woman's problem, at least ask her if she wants your advice before you go ahead and give it. That's an easy problem to fix because it's pretty easy for most men to NOT say something. You may sit there and think, "She deserves to have that problem if she won't take my simple advice." and you may even be right, but just keep it to yourself until she asks for your help. I don't know why some women get annoyed at a man's offer of advice, but some do.
In another part of that email, the guy said that he does everything he can to make his girlfriend happy and she still complains all the time. I don't know the situation well enough to know exactly what's going on, but I do know that men seem to think that they are doing all kinds of stuff for us and then they wonder why we're still complaining. Usually, I think the problem is that the men are doing a lot and they have good intentions but the things that the woman actually wants them to do aren't being done. Yeah, you can go to work everyday and bring home your check, pay all the bills and even help out around the house. But, is that what she asked you to do or is that what you think she wants? Rick did all of that and then he didn't understand when I was unhappy. It isn't that I didn't appreciate all the things that he did do, it's just that he never did the simple things that would have made me happy. I would have enjoyed it if he would have spoken to me occasionally, showed me affection or just brought an occasional flower home.
Most of us aren't really that cryptic, we let you know what we want. It's just that men seem to think that all of the ordinary day to day man stuff that they do is enough. It's certainly nice to have that stuff done, but it isn't all that we want. We need to know that you like us and that you enjoy being around us. When you make us feel good about ourselves, we are much more inclined to confidently initiate the things that make you guys happy. It isn't really a give and take sort of thing, it's more of a self esteem thing. Women who have men that make them feel attractive and sexy act like they're attractive and sexy. Women who are treated like they're noting more than a roommate will pretty much act like they're little more than a roommate. It's pretty much up to you guys to make us feel like we're wanted and if you do, you're the ones who will benefit. You'd be amazed at how much different a woman will act when she thinks that she's wanted by the man that she loves.
Well, I have to go shopping while my son is here to take me. Oh, my daughter went to see Jerry Seinfeld last night. She called me from the show and out the phone down so that I could listen to it but I couldn't hear a thing. I did hear people laughing, but I couldn't hear the jokes that they were laughing at. Last month she went to see Michael Richards. I didn't even know that he did stand up. Anyway, my son is here and wants to leave now so I better run or I won't get to go to the store.
See ya!
Meg
"...whenever my girlfriend tells me her problems, she gets mad at me when I give her advice. I wouldn't say anything except that she is telling me what's wrong..."
That's actually a good question because of how many men feel the same way. When their women complain about something that happened at work or something that the kids did that day, men always try to fix the problem. That's not bad, it's actually rather sweet of them. But that's just because men do that in general, they solve problems. And, when we tell them about our problems, they naturally want to solve them. The thing that makes it annoying is that most of the time, we aren't actually looking for a solution, we're just bitching. All a women needs at that point is someone to listen to her, not someone to offer solutions.
If a woman is telling you something that bothers her and you can see an easy fix, don't offer that fix unless she asks for your advice. Otherwise, you're likely to hear, "I didn't ASK you for your help, I was just TELLING you what happened!" Your kind intentions can be misread and get you in a bit of a tight spot unnecessarily. If we do want your advice, we'll specifically ask for it. If you feel the need to offer a solution to a woman's problem, at least ask her if she wants your advice before you go ahead and give it. That's an easy problem to fix because it's pretty easy for most men to NOT say something. You may sit there and think, "She deserves to have that problem if she won't take my simple advice." and you may even be right, but just keep it to yourself until she asks for your help. I don't know why some women get annoyed at a man's offer of advice, but some do.
In another part of that email, the guy said that he does everything he can to make his girlfriend happy and she still complains all the time. I don't know the situation well enough to know exactly what's going on, but I do know that men seem to think that they are doing all kinds of stuff for us and then they wonder why we're still complaining. Usually, I think the problem is that the men are doing a lot and they have good intentions but the things that the woman actually wants them to do aren't being done. Yeah, you can go to work everyday and bring home your check, pay all the bills and even help out around the house. But, is that what she asked you to do or is that what you think she wants? Rick did all of that and then he didn't understand when I was unhappy. It isn't that I didn't appreciate all the things that he did do, it's just that he never did the simple things that would have made me happy. I would have enjoyed it if he would have spoken to me occasionally, showed me affection or just brought an occasional flower home.
Most of us aren't really that cryptic, we let you know what we want. It's just that men seem to think that all of the ordinary day to day man stuff that they do is enough. It's certainly nice to have that stuff done, but it isn't all that we want. We need to know that you like us and that you enjoy being around us. When you make us feel good about ourselves, we are much more inclined to confidently initiate the things that make you guys happy. It isn't really a give and take sort of thing, it's more of a self esteem thing. Women who have men that make them feel attractive and sexy act like they're attractive and sexy. Women who are treated like they're noting more than a roommate will pretty much act like they're little more than a roommate. It's pretty much up to you guys to make us feel like we're wanted and if you do, you're the ones who will benefit. You'd be amazed at how much different a woman will act when she thinks that she's wanted by the man that she loves.
Well, I have to go shopping while my son is here to take me. Oh, my daughter went to see Jerry Seinfeld last night. She called me from the show and out the phone down so that I could listen to it but I couldn't hear a thing. I did hear people laughing, but I couldn't hear the jokes that they were laughing at. Last month she went to see Michael Richards. I didn't even know that he did stand up. Anyway, my son is here and wants to leave now so I better run or I won't get to go to the store.
See ya!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 10:21 AM
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